Aw, shit…

Doucheshark-fin!Hockey Jesus

Now I gotta deal with Hockey Jesus giving sermons to this schmuck?

Okay, here’s the deal. I know the Lightning are banking on this kid being better than sliced bread. If he is, fantastic. But there’s such a thing as overkill in the hype. Last week I received a care package from the Lightning. What was in it?

I have stubby fingers for a sax player

A wristband with “SEEN STAMKOS?” on it. Along with a bumper sticker that said the same. And, of course, they also included an application for season tickets. This guy seems like a decent enough hockey player. To be brutally honest, I couldn’t pinpoint Sarnia, where he plays, on a map if you gave me coordinates and a compass. The kid’s choice in haircut leaves a couple major questions about his decision-making ability, but I’m not one to talk.

Still, Tampa has gone above and beyond simply promoting this guy. The wristband, the bracelet, the t-shirts, the website, and at last count, there are about a dozen “SEEN STAMKOS?” billboards around Tampa. When I went to the track for the Kentucky Derby, there were two of them within about 300 yards of each other. When was the last time a team in any sport hyped their number one pick so hard…before they even drafted him?

He certainly looks like the real deal, and if he can fill the hole left by Brad Richards when he left town, more power to him. Good luck, kiddo.

Now, about picking a goalie in the second round….

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7 Comments

  1. It would be ironic on a Morrissettian level if say, the Leafs made them a blockbuster trade offer to move into the No. 1 spot.

  2. Hey Tampa? Have you met my boy Dustin Tokarski? No, not Justin Tolarski. Dustin Tokarski. I know, people mess up his name all the time.

    Through games five and six of the second round versus Vancouver and one and two against Tri-City Tokarski had a stretch of 186 minutes and 15 seconds without allowing a goal.

    186 minutes. That’s like Lord of the Rings long.

    His stats are crazy awesome. Plus he has The Tick on his mask.

  3. @WAC: Any Pollock is a good Pollock,186 minutes without allowing a goal or not, me thinks. :D

    Oh my, RD, what wonderful hand(s) you have! You should be a hand model.

  4. Us Pollacks rule.

  5. @ endwithstyle: I got distracted momentarily thinking “Hey, that’s a nice manicure.”

  6. The next photo will be me giving you fuckers the finger.

  7. Haha, we love you too, RD. :D


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