I’m so lonely…

I'm so lonely...As I peek out from the bombshelter I’ve carved out for myself to shield from the Penguins fans without a sense of humor, or the ability to read entire paragraphs (I said they were going to re-sign existing teammates, d-bags. Read thoroughly next time), I’m going to be taking a look at the UFAs that remain unsigned. Join me after the jump as we look at those ugly girls left dateless for the prom so far.

We’ll start off with everyone’s favorite hoodlum: Chris Simon: Simon, who has been suspended in the past for racial slurs (In 1997 he used a racial slur against one of his teammates and got a three-game suspension), and just this past season, got suspended for the rest of the season for doing everything to take Ryan Hollweg’s head off, short of sending OJ after him (video below), just finished his contract with New York. To say Simon has baggage hanging off him would be like saying Britney Spears won’t win Mother of the Year. Whichever team takes a flyer (no pun intended) on him, they should know what they’re getting themselves into.

Anson Carter: The Soul Brother from Scarborough spent most of last year in the hockey bastion that is Columbus. He got traded to the Hurricanes in February, but unfortunately, I don’t think Carolina had ever seen him play before, as he only scored 1 goal in 10 games. Carter was a pretty good winger in Vancouver, and if he latches onto a team with enough support around him, he could very well make it back to where people know who the hell he is, without him taking off his helmet.

Michael Peca: Peca broke his leg in December, so whether or not he can come back full strength remains to be seen. He had a bit of a trail-off from his normally consistent 40-point seasons during the Oilers’ cup run, so it’s not like he was setting the world on fire just before his injury while playing for the Leafs. Peca may still have some good seasons left in him, but he’ll have to prove it, and fast.

Artist Rendering of Eric LindrosEric Lindros: Lindros is getting older and slower, and his last season with the Stars didn’t do anything to disprove that. He racked up a grand total of 26 points in 49 games, and he hasn’t exactly been Mr. Ironman in his career. In fact, as I was typing that sentence, I gave Lindros a concussion. Sorry, man.

and finally, Ed Belfour: Belfour had a phenomenal run in Dallas, topping it all by winning the duel with the Dominator in the Crease Series against Buffalo. He started to get back his old form late in the season with the Panthers, after Auld got hurt. But now that the Panthers got Volkoun from the Predators, Belfour has all but been given his walking papers. If your team is in need of a goalie quick fix, this may be your guy. At 42, he won’t be around too much longer, but he can be a stone wall…..sometimes.

Thoughts on where these guys go? Other Free Agents that are out there that I missed? Let us know in the comments.

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16 Comments

  1. I am still unsigned.

  2. Danny Markov is still out there. And, as long as we’re talking about old guys who may or may not have something left, so is Peter Bondra.

  3. Re: Simon
    For whatever reasons, everything I’ve heard points to the fact that the Isles really want him back.

    God, I hated typing that.

  4. Alexei Yashin
    Curtis Joseph
    Jeff Friesen
    Tony Amonte
    Jason Allison
    Jeff O’Neill

    It’s a veritable NHL ’96 All-Star team.

  5. Yeah, you missed some easy Yashin jokes with this one.

    Jeff O’Neill’s too busy being blackout drunk and pissing on a dumpster to field calls from his agent.

  6. Actually that goes for Belfour too.

  7. On behalf of Western Pennsylvania, I suggest any of the other Atlantic teams to pick up Josef Melichar. We’re talking about a complete franchise changer here. The veritable Bill Simmons of the NHL. The people who know whats going on hate him, yet the powers at be have an inexplicable sense of owing him something. Luckily Mr Shero took a page from Darryl Hannah and decided we dont owe him shit, so if youre looking for an UFA, look no further than number two, Joltin Joe Melichar.

  8. What is Daigle up to nowadays?

  9. plays for hc davos, of the swiss league, according to wikipedia

    i recall one prominent nineties goalie’s wiki page said they were currently selling bobbleheads of themselves out of their garage in boston, but i cannot for the life of me recall who

  10. If it’s reading comprehension that’s the issue for us Penguins fans… then what does “sense of humor” have to do with anything? What’s so funny about poor writing skills, d-bag?

  11. Aw, come on! That puppy is speaking the words of RD’s soul!

  12. ive gotten used to letting anti-pens sentiment on the internets slide, but what baffles me is why he didnt just go for ‘douchebag’ when theyve got the clutch profiles in douchebaggery on the front page

  13. oh yeah and in re: simon

    ———–
    Although the Camden Courier-Post reports that Flyers GM Paul Holmgren is interested in unrestricted free agent Chris Simon, Philadelphia has only about $800,000 left to spend under the salary cap.

    Some people, including former Flyer and now Dallas Star Todd Fedoruk, believe Philly needs another tough guy to help last season’s NHL penalty minutes leader Ben Eager, 23.

    “Eags did a good job last year,” Fedoruk told the Courier-Post. “He saw a lot of heavyweights and I think he’s very capable of fighting the heavyweights in this league.

    “But I think at his age he does need a veteran heavyweight or maybe a young up-and-comer.”

    But is there room, or a need, in today’s NHL for two enforcers on one team?

    Late-season callup and career minor-leaguer Riley Cote, 25, hopes so.

    “I want to run around hammering everybody I can,” Cote told the Courier-Post. “My goal is to be more of a pest and run guys like Sidney Crosby and (Alex) Ovechkin and let them come at me. I want guys looking over their shoulders.”

    Islanders GM Garth Snow told Newsday back on July 9 that tough guy Simon “should be back in an Islanders uniform shortly.”

    Simon had 10 goals and 27 points for the Islanders last season, but sat out the rest of the season on a suspension for hitting Rangers F Ryan Hollweg in the face with his stick.

    Simon still has five games to serve on his 25-game suspension.
    —————

    i dunno if its blog acceptable for me to steal shit from espn insider, but hey, im not paying for it and noone else should have to either

  14. Did Simon (who is native american) issue his racial slur at Anson Carter when they were both with the caps?

  15. Well Chris Simon is Canadian so he can’t really be Native American…it’s First Nations

  16. alright so I take back my first comment… I guess the term Native American covers the whole continent. my bad…but to answer your first question yes – he’s part ojibwa


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