Predators Look to Attract Prey

Or Garth Brooks will kick your ass.Delicious, season-ticket buying prey.

Judging from their underwhelming free agent splash in the past few weeks, the NashvilleOr Garth Brooks will kick your ass. Predators are in a lame duck situation. Their current owner, Craig Leopold, is considering a trio of potential offers for the 5 season-old franchise. Sure, there’s plenty of backstory, but ultimately potential moves to Hamilton (as Kid Canada mentioned), Kansas City, or a new set of owners in Music City hang in the balance. If the Preds are headed out of town, it will take a cure clause to get out of their lease at the Sommet Center. If they average less than 14,000 in the seats this year, punch their ticket out of town.

As for those local owners? Oh, have they got a plan for YOU, Nashville.

Today marks the day where Nashvillains (I like the sound of that typo. Suck it.) can make or break their team’s further existence by showing their support in an all-day, hot as hell July day in the south, off-season RALLY. Sponsored by a local coalition of businesses and some radio station, the ultimate goal is to convince people to pony up for season tickets right here, right now. And they’ve got their work cut out for them, as Census figures show that 83% of citizens are struggling country musicians.

MYFO has been fortunate enough to obtain a full schedule of events, even the super top secret ones that the organizers aren’t even announcing ahead of time. (Who knew all it would take was slipping Jason Arnott a case of Butterscotch Krumpets?)

6-9 am: 104.5 FM “The Zone” is broadcasting live from the Sommet Center with Preds’ sales staff standing by to take orders. You know, in case you were planning on spending $418 on a morning danish and coffee and have a sudden change of heart for your local hockey team. Bonus programming note: Marek Zidlicky will be in the booth fulfilling his life-long dream of being an American morning radio disc jockey. This a common dream of all children in the Czech Republic.

9-10 am: A question and answer session at center ice titled, “How to Become a Hard-hitting Pro Hockey Player Despite going through Grade School with a Chick Name.” Featured panel includes Darcy Hordichuk and Shea Weber.

10-11 am: For your entertainment, watch as J.P. Dumont attempts to tightrope walk across the span of the BellSouth building, gets stage fright halfway across, and questions why the hell he ever chose to leave Buffalo. It’s so damn hot up here.

11-12:30: While perusing the available seating, gourmet box lunches will be available for $5. If you came to the rally last year, they’re the same exact meals, except that the chef opted to let another rally purchase all the roast beef at the market, the cold Molson has been swapped out for Milwaukee’s Best, and for dessert, the Swedish fish are considering rejoining Colorado.

1-4 pm: Eskimo Stereotype Theatre with Jordin Tootoo. Watch as the young winger Oh, those Winetka bros…Oh, those Winetka bros…builds an igloo, convinces a team of sled dogs to mush, fights a polar bear, ice fishes in the Aramark concessions freezer case, all while reciting the script from Mystery, Alaska.

5-6 pm: Used Predators Equipment Sale. Either catch Predators fever or athlete’s foot from Chris Mason’s practice skates. (They’re actually doing this. I can’t believe I didn’t have to make this one up.)

There’s also a well-publicized rally from 6-7, but after all that, I don’t think they’ll have any seats left. What a huge success today will be. After all, you can’t spell Nashville without NHL.*

*Of course, you can’t spell “Predators” without “Teardrops”, either.

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. Nashville’s GM David Poile is the master of the mediocre. Don’t through in a guaranteed trip to the Stanley Cup Finals with this team, because Poile has never taken a team there in his 25+ seasons as GM (the Caps team that got swept by the Red Wings was George McPhee’s first or second year…)

    Still, it would be nice to see the NashVillains all dressed up in Black hats, and a few of the hotter, aspiring country-music singers forming a “Predator Girls” line-up….oh….I want to be prey! Me! Me! Me!

  2. mmmm…butterscooootch….wait, what were we talking about?

  3. “Watch why the hell JP Dumont…questions why the hell he ever chose to leave Buffalo”

    Darcy Regier made that choice for him. :(

    Believe me, we want him back too.

  4. The classic rock drummer who runs a hockey rumours Web site using a fake name has promised to attend because this is soooooo important to the sport for the Nashville team to stay put. Pshaw.

    Kansas City is going to have a team, the building and lease agreement are too nice for the league not to take advantage of it. If it’s no the Preds, some team will move there, hopefully before Gary Bettman decides expansion is the best way to get teams in Hamilton and KC.

  5. Poor Jason Arnott….sigh

  6. Afino- right there with ya. Watching him kick ass in Nashvegas has been a depressing downside of having Center Ice.


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s