In Soviet Russia, the NHL Leaves You!

Thanks for the memories.MYFO has learned that former Islander and Senator Alexei Yashin has signed with Локомотив of the Russian Super League (yeah, I’m not really sure what that says either, but I think it has to do with a train or something.)

As is customary with Russian teams, terms of the deal were not officially announced, but we here at MYFO were fortunate enough to gather some intel on some of the bonus provisions of the deal from an informant closely associated to the team. Keeping in mind that all information was in Russian, which forced us to call upon Raskolnikov’s admittedly suspect translation skills, this is what we have gathered…

  • -The deal includes a one year opt-out to the NHL. This would have required an NHL team having actual interest in Yashin one year from now and was, thus, also known as the “moot point clause” of the contract. Apparently Alexei did not want this clause included, so as to spare himself the embarassment.
  • -Yashin has an option to be paid in mock-turtlenecks instead of rubles.
  • -The team has banned the words “buyout”, “overpaid”, “overrated”, “lazy”, and “didn’t do shit as an Islander” from the locker room. Punishment for violation of the ban is immediate execution.
  • -Should Lokomotiv make the playoffs, not only is Yashin not required to produce on the ice, he does not even have to show up for the games. Lokomotiv pushed hard for this clause and was very happy with its inclusion.

If anyone knows of any other provisions in the Yashin contract, please let us know in the comments. Much appreciated.

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6 Comments

  1. My mock turtleneck just reeks.
    /BNL

  2. Also he does not need to donate money to the Russian National Art Gallery so that his mother can have a job there and then pull the funding when his mother doesn’t get the job that Alexei expected her to receive upon the payment being received.

  3. His contract pays him in liters of borscht.

  4. On televised walks to and from the bus, the entire team will now be sporting eight inch stilettos from Carol Alt’s Fall/Winter collection.

  5. Should we still consider Carol Alt attractive?

    Clearly didn’t Alexei already prove the age of love angle already that older is better… why did we need to see Mark Philippoussis on television again?

  6. Team replaced hockey pants with hockey skirts to match Yashin’s playing style.


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