What the Stanley Cup Did on its Summer Vacation

We here at MYFO make no bones about saluting the winners of the Stanley Cup, the Anaheim Ducks. The Ducks fought hard and won the Cup without much scandal surrounding them, which is more than we can say for some teams (We’re looking at you, Dallas. That skate was in the crease.)

Today, because it’s a bit of a gloomy day both locally here in Tampa and nationally up in Minnesota (Thoughts, prayers, and +1s to Weed Against Speed and all our Minnesota readers. We’re told W.A.S. and his wife left town Wednesday morning, so hopefully he was long gone before the bridge collapsed), let’s try and make this light by exploring what the Cup of Sir Stanley will be doing this year as he makes his rounds through the Ducks roster.

WOOHOO! Naked Co-Eds!

  • June 15, Children’s Hosptal and Team Cruise – The Ducks took the Cup to a Children’s Hospital, even visiting a huge hockey fan that was sick with cancer. A nurse sterilized the Cup and the kid was able to have his picture taken with it.

 

Once the nice things were done, however, the guys took the Cup on a cruise and let half-naked coeds drink out of it.

Annnnd….that’s about the only interesting thing the Cup has done so far. So let’s take a look and see what the Cup would have done in Anaheim and surrounding areas if we here at MYFO had been in charge:

 

  • July 13 – Cup used as stand-in prop for LeNoceur’s enactment of just how Gary Bettman’s wife should be raped. He finds that metal is not forgiving for his fantasies.
  • July 21 – Kid Canada, distraught at Toronto’s lack of playoff success, throws the Cup down the staircase at Union Station. The Cup is quickly swept up by the morning rush of foot traffic through PATH, and is later pushed aside for sitting on the left side of an escalator.
  • July 30 – After spending the day with Baba Oje, the cup mysteriously has “Joe Fucking Sakic” written in pencil over Scott Neidermeyer’s name.
  • August 4 – Cup inexplicably ends up in a Philly pawn shop, and Hextall has enough money to lure his Ice Girl High School Flame to his underground lair.
  • August 10 – After spending a weekend with Sir Hotbod, fishstick crumbs abound in the bowl of the trophy…Cup is now circumsized with a cocaine addiction, as well.
  • August 17 – While supposed to be visiting Laerm, Cup is found abandoned next to pimp on Eight Mile Road. Pimp and Laerm are presumed dead, with no suspects at this time.
  • August 23 – Cup confiscated by Mounties after Weed Against Speed lives up to his ID, attempting to smuggle Nate Newton levels of grass in the Cup’s false bottom. Later learns there is no false bottom.
    mmmmm...donuts
  • August 24 – Weed and Cup bailed out by RDfaRP. Cup is then mistaken for a large silver éclair from Krispy Kreme. Teeth are chipped.
  • August 28 – Cup used by Raskolnikov in his daring attempt to lure Gary Bettman from his office to gather more evidence that our phantom NHL Enterprises Commenter is cheating on his wife with a handkerchief.

Any other ideas for Stanley Cup adventures that I missed? Let’s hear them in the comments.

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2 Comments

  1. August 26 – Baba takes deliver of weed, cup returned

  2. That’s the last time I stick the cup in a giant tube sock.


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