Let’s Go (Shopping) BUF-FA-LO!

The NHL recently released the list of its top-selling merchandise items for the month of July. The Top 10 jerseys sold:

1. Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
2. Daniel Briere, Buffalo Sabres / Philadelphia Flyers
3. Chris Drury, Buffalo Sabres / New York Rangers
4. Ryan Miller, Buffalo Sabres
5. Thomas Vanek, Buffalo Sabres
6. Peter Forsberg, Nashville Predators
7. Maxim Afinogenov, Buffalo Sabres
8. Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
9. Jaromir Jagr, New York Rangers
10. Henrik Lundqvist, New York Rangers

I’ll just let that sink in a moment…there. Did you notice the one city that kept popping up on that list, like the persistent unwanted erection that time you finally got a date with Cindy Miller when you were 17, and she’s wearing this amazing dress when you go to pick her up, and you’re trying to make small talk with her dad?

Some of the names on the list make sense. Crosby is the most marketable player in the league, and Ovechkin and Jagr are two of its bigger superstars. Fans in NYC and Philly obviously rushed out to grab Drury and Briere sweaters in droves as fast as those little Indonesian sweatshop workers could sew the names on the back. But Ryan Miller? Vanek? Afinogenov? Whaa? These guys are outselling Chris Pronger, Jarome Iginla, Joe Thornton and all of the Staal brothers combined?

My own Top 10 possible explanations for the above Top 10:

1) Western New York is booming, so you people in Buffalo are sitting on piles and piles of money. Buying a bunch of hockey sweaters made more sense than getting a fourth snowblower.

2) Ryan Miller is a Mormon, and has a very large family.

3) The Sabres are like, so not cool that they’re cool, and all the kids want Sabres stuff.

4) Even merchandise sales are not immune from East Coast bias.

5) Western New York sporting goods stores stopped stocking Bills gear years ago, so as NFL training camp geared up, Sabres gear was the only choice if you wanted to support the home team.

6) The NHL’s inventory-monitoring personnel are grossly incompetent. “Did we say Thomas Vanek? Sorry. That was supposed to be Martin St. Louis. And where it says Ryan Miller? That’s a typo. Should be Roberto Luongo.”

7) Stores were all out of Jochen Hecht and Nathan Paetsch jerseys.

8) You think these are big numbers? Just wait till next week’s Dick’s Sporting Goods/Buffalo Sabres Hockeyfest!

9) Thousands of Afinogenov jerseys were snagged to be used as a promotional item if you extend your subscription another year.

10) Rabid Sabres fans just couldn’t wait for their back-ordered Crocs to arrive.

buffalo-crocs.jpg

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6 Comments

  1. Heh. Buffalo is such an embarrassing, persistent erection! I’m so glad someone finally noticed.

  2. I know a Cindy Miller.

    There is no way she would ever produce an erection.

    Ever.

  3. When Buffalo gets behind something, they really get behind something. Local gov’t isn’t just bad, they need a control board. There isn’t just pollution, there is Love Canal. And when the Sabres finally got good out of the lockout, the people in WNY just went a wee bit insane and started buying everything in sight.

    And Kate, sometimes persistent erections can be a good thing- don’t knock it until you try it!

  4. The erection analogy is ironic considering the lack thereof in downtown Buffalo over the last, lets say, 30 years.

    What else are us Buffalonians going to spend our modest earnings on? The city was absolutely crazy during the last two playoff runs.

  5. Nos. 1 and 2 have some basis to them- western new york is, in fact, rather boring; and how many millers from that clan have made it to the NHL? i don’t know exactly, but quite a few.

    everything else, beats the hell out of me.

  6. You really think I was going to let this go by without commenting?

    3) The Sabres have more puck-bunny fans than any other team. I’m surprised that Pominville’s not on the list only because they say he’s DREAMY!

    5) Absolutely true. The Bills blow and have blown. We were just waiting for the Sabres to get good.

    6) Everyone who runs the NHL is grossly incompetent. So it wouldn’t be a surprise.

    10) And I’ve seen a lot of those crocs. When I first saw them, I felt embarrassed to be a Sabres fan. What’s next? Sabres dominatrix gear? Wait, I may have just come up with a million dollar idea….


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