Ed Belfour Craves the Ikea Furniture

Sam Eagle approves of this helmet.Ed Belfour has lived quite a life. The man no doubt has large trophy cases in his megamansion, in which he stores his multitude of smaller trophy cases. After all, with an NCAA championship, a Calder, a pair of Vezinas, a quartet of Jennings, 6 hideously designed all-star jerseys, an Olympic gold medal, and the Stanley Cup, he’s needs a lot of shelf space. (Yes, I know that former Cup winners do not actually get to keep the Stanley Cup. Ed Belfour understands as well. To commemorate the achievement, he has Brett Hull’s left skate as a placeholder.)

How do I know of all these accolades? Because I watched Ed Belfour’s surprisingly intense propaganda video.

But Eddie the Eagle’s not through yet. And with his latest contract, he’s going to be rolling in…krona.

Chef is actually a Swedish word for newspaper beat reporter.The following newswire release seems to have come from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, but I can’t really tell. It’s in Swedish:

Svedeesh noospeper Spurt-Ixpressee is repurteeng thet furmer Flureeda gueleee-a Id Belffuoor is cluse-a tu inkeeng a deel veet Leksund, a secund deefisiun teem in zee Svedeesh Ileete-a Leegooe-a.

Now those familiar with NHL 08’s recent predecessors know that Sweden has a prominent European hockey league Elitserien, and it makes an excellent place to stash recently retired players so that your cheating Playstation doesn’t have your computer-controlled rival pick up Scott Stevens or Ron Francis just because they’re on the free agent list. But for the psychos who spend their first few days with their new EA game fixing all the rosters, you’re not going to find the appropriate Scandinavian squad on which to stick Ed Belfour. Why’s that? He’s playing for Leksand IF, a second division team.

Elitserien works like the Premiership in English soccer, with the whole relegation thing. Leksand was once a first division mainstay. However, the 21st century has been tough for the team, despite having NHL talent like Roman Vopat, Juha Lind, and Robert Petrovicky on the roster. Wow, I can’t imagine what possibly went wrong.

Can Belfour right their ship, all while cashing in on universal healthcare, sampling the delectable fishing industry, and earning the admiration of Leksand’s Ice Girls?

Your thoughts in the comments.


1 Comment

  1. Ed Belfour was my favorite player as a kid, even though he sucked in the ’92 Finals. I always felt safe looking at those beady eyes through my television screen.

    During away games.

    Fuck you Wirtz.

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