The Greatest Idea You’ve Never Heard About

...cause the more you know.Early yesterday morning, two dozen teenagers took the ice somewhere in the middle of Southern Siberia to play for their countries. Canada and Russia are taking part in an 8-game series pitting their Under-20 teams against each other. This is a series to commemorate the 35th anniversary of the Summit Series in 1972, which was pretty highly publicized, if just for the fact that everyone wanted to see the Russians get their asses handed to them, even if it was by a bunch of goddamn socialist Canucks.

So why has this series never been publicized? The first game happened on Monday, and unless you were searching for it, you’d have no idea it was even happening. Why? Join me after the jump and we’ll figure out why beating up on the Russians just doesn’t have the same appeal lately…and how it can be fixed.

Over the next few weeks (the 8th and final game will be played on September 9 in Vancouver), Canad and Russia will face off in a series reminiscent of the days when Russia would travel to America to beat the hell out of NHL teams and make the Communist Bloc look unstoppable. These teams were full of guys that made Ivan Drago look like Webster. Now? Communism has folded in Russia, the kids aren’t nearly as physically impressive, and it’s Under-20s only for this series.

So, how do we drum up attention and support for this series? We here at MYFO humbly suggest the following “improvements” to the Series, which would instantly garner ratings.

–This is an easy one: TELEVISE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How is it possible that a series like this hasn’t gathered one mention anywhere outside of TSN’s Website before the games started? I know hockey isn’t exactly the bastion of viewership in this country, but c’mon, nothing? Not even a “Hey, you won’t believe this…” bit? I’m forced to listen about the damned Ryder Cup every week on SportsCenter, even though it only happens every two years, and America hasn’t had a shot in hell at it since blue dresses and blowjobs dominated the news. What’s that? The World Baseball Classic is coming up 18 months from now? Holy shit! Let’s get round-the-clock coverage on it! I know ESPN is carrying a grudge, but no one else can throw us a bone here? Which brings me to my next suggestion…

Make it a reality show. Think about it: You meet Igor Zubov. Follow his happy ass around for two weeks while he realizes if he gets deked out of his shoes by a Canuck, his parents won’t feed him for three weeks, he’ll lose his place on his club team, and he’ll be shipped off to the middle of nowhere because he made his country look bad. You wouldn’t watch that, just for the nervous breakdown that would inevitably happen? You’re spinning a spool of lies. You’d be tuned in 24/7 and you know it.

Political Turmoil. The first FIGHT!!!Summit Series in `72 was held amid the Cold War, Canada playing their hearts out because they wanted to win for truth, justice, and the capitalist way. Russia playing because they wanted to prove they could beat anyone on the planet, not just the amateurs that they were forced to play against in the Olympics. Well, Canada’s foreign policy has left them pretty dormant lately. Aside from sending a couple divisions to the Middle East to help out with the war, they have no real enemies. Pick a fight with the Russians–start your own version of Canadian Bacon. Is it too much to ask for a little nationalism when you’ve got the two biggest countries (land-wise) in the world playing a series?

This was not at all a lame excuse to include this photoPIGTAILS! And finally, and most importantly, Objectify Women. Put Maria Sharapova and Anna Kournikova against Elisha Cuthbert and Kristin Kreuk in bikinis on ice, and tell me you wouldn’t be glued to your television. Or, at least, stuck there with something glue-like.

In closing, there are ways to draw attention to this series still. Canada won the first game 4-2, and the next game kicks off at 9 AM EST tomorrow in Russia. If anyone wants to throw in another way to get this Series more attention, please let us know in the comments.

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2 Comments

  1. Is that Andy Samberg?

  2. Double-bill: Men’s Under-20 ice hockey and Women’s Under-20 field hockey.


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