The Search for More Contributors: Edmonton Oilers

It turns out that, contrary to popular belief, there are in fact, more than 10 hockey fans. Thanks to an early announcement, we have been flooded by requests to join the MYFO ranks to represent their team. This all makes for great theatre and quality posts that involve little or no work, so Raskolnikov can stop punishing himself now, but I think he kind of likes it. All this week we here at MYFO will be bringing to you the best applications we have received, so let us know what you think: do these guys suck, should we keep them around for good, do you want to see more before making a decision, or do you think you can do better?

Today: Baudolino – Edmonton Oilers

So, why is my team better than your team? I sat down to write a draft of this post, and I just kept writing, and writing, and writing. When I was done, I counted them up, and realized that I had 99 different, and all wildly convincing, reasons. So, without further ado:

1. We once had a player called Ilya Byakin who scored a goal with the opposing teams’ goalie’s stick. It didn’t count, and he got a penalty, but still. Has anybody on your team done that? (I did some research, and I’m fairly confident that the answer is no.)
2. Todd McFarlane, creator of the Spawn comics, and the douche that paid $450,000 for a baseball, is a part owner.
3. What? 99 is too many? Oh. I just thought, because of the number 99 and everything. Fine. I’ll just name a few.

Ok, seriously. We had Wayne Gretzky, in his absolute prime. Wayne Gretzky, who scored 92 goals in a season. He recorded 215 points. IN
ONE SEASON. Not to mention the fact that he has 970 points more than Mark Messier, who is second on the all-time points list, and if you counted just his assists, he’d still be the all-time points leader. Those, my friends, are records that will never be equaled. Plus, we rule because when we traded him we held out for a few million dollars, AND Jimmy Carson.

Need another reason? Edmonton is called the “City of Champions.” Seriously. When you drive into town, it actually says that. And, for 5 glorious years that moniker was directly attributable to the Oilers. We won 5 cups in 7 years, were the last bonafide dynasty the NHL has seen, and just about won it all 2 years ago. In short, other than about 18 down years, the Oilers pretty much dominated the last 29 years.

Now, you might get specific and point out that we had a shitty year in 06-07, and a pretty rough offseason. But, we did manage to sign Sheldon Souray, a native Albertan who can score a lot of goals, if not defend against them (troublesome, in that he is actually a defenseman.) In trading Jason Smith, our aging captain, we picked up Joni Pitkanen, a puck moving defenseman with huge, as yet unrealized, potential. We have the best fans in the game (season tickets were sold out in mid July, despite said shitty year), dedicated owners (who have 3 times refused to sell this summer, despite the opportunity for a substantial payday), a new building on the way (fingers crossed) and are just 2 years removed from the Stanley Cup Final. Sure, this year could be tough, but we’ll be fine in Oilerland. We’re Champions.

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6 Comments

  1. If by potential you mean “uncanny ability to lose puck in his skates in own zone,” then yes, you’ve got Joni Pitkanen.

  2. “In short, other than about 18 down years, the Oilers pretty much dominated the last 29 years.”

    Your math is flawless, I, for one, welcome our Oiler overlords.

  3. I guess I’m buying into the company line by being optimistic about Pitkanen. I’m fully expecting to be off the bandwagon by the 2nd pre-season game though.

    And, as for the math – I’m considering the better part of the 80s as years of dominance in general. Plus 2006, since there’s no way I’m admitting to ever having the ‘Canes be THE dominant team in the NHL.

  4. Joni Mitchell > Joni Pitkanen

  5. “We have the best fans in the game (seasons tickets were sold out in mid July, despite said shitty year)…”

    ‘Cause…Edmonton offers so much else to do on a crisp Tuesday evening in February?

  6. Sorry Oilers fans, Patrik Stefan is playing in Europe this year.


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