Totalitarian Ted



Chris Chelios, who stole John Cusack’s hockey allegiance from the Blackhawks, says that the truth will come out when the NHLPA releases an 80-100 page report of Saskin’s conduct. 80-100 pages to say that Saskin applied the Patriot Act to his rule? There’s gotta be something juicier than that in the report.

My ideas:


-Gave car keys to Mark Bell

-Covered Ray Emery’s pads in flubber

-Did not endorse Rory Fitzpatrick for the All-Star Game

-Cut Michal Handzus’ mullet

-Botched Jeremy Roenick’s latest rhinoplasty

-Titty-fucked Keith Tkachuk


Your ideas in the comments, please.



  1. Worst crime here is obviously not voting for Rory.

    Although the Tkachuk titty-fucking is not good to think about after lunch.

  2. How about:

    – Brainwashed Mr. Lauren Pronger to leave Edmonton

    – Gave car keys to Dany Heatley

    – Injected Rod Brind’Amour with steroids (in the butt, under Sheffield’s advice)

    – Wore Nazi paraphenalia when around Dave Lewis

    – Gave Gary Bettman a footjob as part of the CBA agreement

    I could do this all day.

  3. -Fellated NORBY! to get the NHL back on ESPN.

    -627 crank calls to Bettman’s office, all saying the same thing: “Jim Balsillie thinks you’re a big fat poopy pants!”

    -Got caught In Flagrente Delicto with Collie Campbell’s dog.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s