The Search for More Contributors: Phoenix Coyotes

It turns out that, contrary to popular belief, there are in fact, more than 10 hockey fans. Thanks to an early announcement, we have been flooded by requests to join the MYFO ranks to represent their team. This all makes for great theatre and quality posts that involve little or no work, so Raskolnikov can stop punishing himself now, but I think he kind of likes it. All this week we here at MYFO will be bringing to you the best applications we have received, so let us know what you think: do these guys suck, should we keep them around for good, do you want to see more before making a decision, or do you think you can do better?

Today: Vulcanized Rubber – Phoenix Coyotes

First off, I am not a a huge fan of the Desert Dogs (10 years of not folding and counting!) but I have been following them ever since I got Center Ice and have come to the conclusion that they are better than your team.

Sure they have finished dead last the past few season but it hasn’t been all bad. Most folks forget that they finished second in the division in the 01-02 season with 95 points. This is a team on the way up despite the horrendous-ness of the Gretz regime and the Tocchet gambling (although I give him props for going to the WSOP despite having the criminal charges pending- maybe he doesn’t have a problem like Charles Barkley).

Let’s turn to the positive and turn our heads West to the great state of Arizona (State Motto: “Ditat Deus”)!

They have Panger. Darren Pang, for my money is one of the best commentators on televised hockey here in the States. He made the red faced gerbil (otherwise known as Gary Thorne) seem great with his color commentary back when ESPN had hockey. His skillz (yes he deserves the z) have not diminished one bit on the local Fox affiliate that broadcasts the Dogs’ games. The Dogs might be getting blown out but Panger will keep you entertained throughout. Also kudos to the Fox production staff for getting up the “Tale of the Tape” about 3 seconds after every fight commences. I could accurately assess Laraque’s reach during each fight; just thinking about it brings a tear to my eye.

The Pack Dance Team. Sure, the Islanders have their Ice Girls and the Sabres have Harvey The Hound, but I will put up the Dogs’ girls against anyone’s else’s team.  The dance team’s combined weight probably equals what they sucked out of Star Jones and they know how to strike a pose. The team also sports several redheads and we all know what those girls are like so I can only hope for a great in-season meltdown.

Oh, you want to know about the team do you? They happen to have one of the best defensemen under age 32 in Jovo. Mr. Doan, while a terrible, terrible selection for the Canadian olympic team has done well in Phx. And while most teams have one good starter and a questionable backup, the Dogs have 2 excellent backups competing for starting gig in Aebischer and Tellqvist. One will hope that each are like Montana-era Steve Young’s and help solidify this team.

Oh and the youth- Kyle Turris anyone? The rest of youngin’s got good reviews as well so put that in your pipe and smoke it! Of course, all the names I mentioned could also be possible trade bait in a few months but for now, the future is bright, so bright I have to wear shades!

Go, you dogs, go!



  1. Harvey the Hound resides in Calgary.

  2. Yeah, pretty sure we’ve got Sabretooth.

    Who’s better than Harvey, by the way, because he REPELS FROM THE FUCKING RAFTERS!!

    Harvey just likes to attack Craig MacTavish. Which is funny in its own right, but not badass.

  3. Editing was never one of my strong suits.

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