*In Raleigh*
Peter Laviolette: First line!
*In Pittsburgh*
Michel Therrien: STAAL! I didn’t say 3rd line! Get off!
*Back in Raleigh*
Laviolette: Staal! What the fuck are you doing? Stay on the ice!
Eric Staal: YOU CAN’T STOP US.
Laviolette: That’s Cam Ward’s job.
Eric: LEAVE US ON THE ICE.
Laviolette: UHH … OK.
*In New York City*
Tom Renney: MARC, YOU’RE SCRIMAGING 60 MINUTES TODAY. TAKE ROSIVAL’S SPOT.
Michal Rosival: No practice? YEAHHHHH!!!! Today is Monday, so that means … it’s my day with Elisha Cuthbert!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Rosival grabs box of condoms, leaves Madison Square Garden*
*Back in Pittsburgh*
Therrien: THIRD LINE, GET OUT THERE.
Jordan: GONCHAR, GIVE UP THE PUCK.
Sergei Gonchar: …
*Gonchar gives up the puck*
Staal: FLEURY, OPEN YOUR FIVEHOLE.
Marc-Andre Fleury: …
*Staal shoots and scores five-hole*
Marc Staal: JORDAN, DON’T SAY ANYTHING THAT WILL HAPPEN WITHOUT YOUR INFLUENCE.
*Back in Raleigh*
Rod Brind’Amour: C’MON STAAL, FUCKING PUSSY! COME’N GET IT!!
Eric: TRIP OVER YOUR FEET.
Brind’Amour: WHAT THE FUCK?
*Brind’Amour hipchecks Staal*
Eric: OW. WHY DID THAT NOT WORK?
Marc: WE CANNOT CONTROL HIS MIND. HIS NOSE IS A BRICK WALL.
Eric: WE MUST OVERCOME THIS BRIND’AMOUR.
*In Thunder Bay*
*Jared Staal has fallen down 2 flights of stairs*
Mrs. Staal: Jared! What’s wrong with you? Jumping over the dinner table, asking me to give up the puck, and open my fivehole!
Jared: I’M FINE. GET ME MOLSON.
Mrs. Staal: You’re not even close to 18! Why would I … UHH, HOW MANY BARRELS?
*In New York*
Marc: NEED BOOZE. AND SLUTS. WHERE IS ROSIVAL?
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Melt Your Face-Off 
Only Christopher Reeve and Kirstie Allie can stop them now…
Gratutious Brind’Amour bashing. I like.
You forgot the part where Rosival separates his shoulder while getting into a position from the Kama Sutra that only goalies should attempt.
Brind’Amour is clearly not a member of the Handsomeface clan.
@Hex: actually he is. along with Mike Ricci, Jaromir Jagr, Dany Heatley, Jeremy Roenick, and Gino Odjick
CHRISTWAGONS! That’s gotta be the creepiest picture I’ve ever seen of the Staals. I swear their eyes are trying to shoot lazers at me through the computer. Why do I get the feeling that reading the blog backwards will reveal some sort of demonic message?
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