Sucks to Be You, Anaheim…

THIS! IS THE DUCK!I’ve already had my rant on how YOUR Stanley Cup Winning Anaheim Ducks got royally dicked over this year. But as I sat back on my self-imposed hiatus from all things sports this week, apparently I missed some further kicks to the collective balls of the Ducks. If, you know, Ducks have balls.

Injuries, a slow pre-season start, and the impending doom and gloom of a flight that would kill most people are all reasons why the Ducks have no shot at repeating. What’s the deal? Well, after the jump, as PECOTA would say, “THIS! IS THE DEAL!”

The following setbacks have all been dropped on the Ducks’ heads since the beginning of August

  • Giguere – Surgery for a sports hernia in early August. He’s back, but he’s still struggling to get back to 100%
  • Pahlsson – Surgery for a sports hernia just after Labor Day. Guys, seriously, you don’t have to lift the Cup over your heads if it’s going to kill you. Just, you know, cradle it or something. Nice and gentle goes a long way. He should be back for the US Opener, but may not make the trip to London.
  • Scott Niedermeyer is balking at whether or not he wants to come back. It’s got to be about time for him to make that decision, right? I mean, even Favre has the decency to tell his team a week or two after the season that he’s coming back. This guy has some rocks to flip-flop back and forth two weeks before the opener.
  • Selanne, apparently, plays checkers with Niedermeyer every weekend, because he’s pulled the same bullshit.

“I thought I could just make a decision and move on. When you’ve been playing this game since you were six years old, now I know how hard it is for players to retire. Part of me wants to still play and another part right now is not ready to do what it takes. I’m going to wait a little longer to see how I feel when the season starts. I’ll watch some games, get a little closer and by then I’ll know whether I want to come back and play again.”

Teemu's on the right, Scott's on the left. That's still Ann Margaret in the middle, thoughWho the fuck do you think you are, Roger Clemens? You get back to your team and you play, pussy! What the hell is going on in Anaheim that these two are allowed to hem and haw like a bunch of Senators (Washington, not Ottawa, although there’s a case to be made for both) about which way they want to go on this?

So that, combined with the fact that the Ducks have racked up an insane amount of penalties in their first four preseason games (Yeah, I know. It’s preseason.), and there’s got to be some major issues in Duckberg.

So Quack Quack Quack, Mr. Ducksworth! Someone needs to get on the ball and right this boat pretty damn quick. Otherwise, just fucking stay in London. Enjoy the vacation. It’ll be easier on everyone.

Selanne Says He’s Not “100% Ready” – []



  1. Didn’t the Ducks rack up an insane amount of penalties last year? Last year’s youthful exuberance is this year’s bunch of undisciplined morons.

  2. How dare you besmearch the god that is Brett Favre! You, my friend, are on notice.

  3. Ok, who had 3 hours in the “Oje Rushed to the Aid of Favre” Pool?

  4. I personally feel as though SOMEONE has too much time on their hands..

  5. would you say not to take any ducks for fantasy?

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