I, For One, Welcome Our New Canadian Overlords

It must be made of solid goldYesterday, for the first time in more than 30 years, a Canadian dollar was exactly equal to a U.S. dollar. Do you know what this means? That’s right–no more cheap lumber or PEI potatoes for us greedy Americans, and smug Canucks tipping their bewildered American hotel doorman in loonies and other funny money on their cross-border shopping sprees, as they stock up on video games, blue jeans, and NASCAR gear.

Hockey-wise, Canadian teams in the past have lamented the fact that their customers pay in Canadian, but they have to pay their players in American. I have seen articles (which I am too lazy to link to–Google them yourselves, you lazy bastards) indicating that for every 5-cent swing in currency valuation, a Canadian NHL owner could expect to gain (or lose) a few million bucks.

With the two currencies on equal footing, fanatics with visions of swimming, Scrooge McDuck-like, in piles of golden Canadian dollars, are beating a path to the NHL’s door to relocate/expand franchises in Winnipeg, Regina, and Halifax. But MYFO has some words of assurances for any nervous Predators or Panthers fans out there: just remember that Gary Bettman hates Canadians, with all of his black heart.



  1. I was just up in Toronto and let me tell you, an American dollar bought a lot fewer lapdances this time around. I think we should invade them and set things right!

  2. Who’s got the Monopoly money now?

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