Every puzzle has its pieces…

Dan Boyle may have gone too far...As we here at MYFO have covered before, the Tampa Bay Lightning are in the process of being sold to a group of investors including Doug MacLean and one of the producers of the “Saw” series. At the time I wrote that column, the news was less than twelve hours old. I began to wonder since writing that piece what effect Mr. Koules would have on the team, scary doll aside.

Now I know.

I received a video last night in my e-mail from an anonymous source. In the interest of good taste, which is what we strive for here at MYFO, I cannot show you the video. I can, however, provide a transcript of what occurred on Saturday night at the Ice Palace, after everyone went home.

[Darkened Room, a mixture of groaning and scrambling is heard]

Dan Boyle: Help! Someone help me! Is someone there? Hey! Oh shit, I’m probably dead. Somebody get me out of here! C’mon, I’ve been through enough hell! I had to live through the late-90s Panthers seasons…but this is so much worse! Haven’t I been through enough shit in my career?

Voice: Rise and shine, Mr. Boyle. You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in. Up until now, you’ve simply sat in the shadows watching others play the game of hockey. You’ve been a serviceable defenseman in the past few years, but since the Stanley Cup in 2004, you’ve been complacent. So are you going to watch yourself die here today, Dan, or do something about it?

[The lights flip on. Boyle is chained to the wall, an ice skate hanging dangerously off a hook above. Boyle grabs the skate and tries to saw through his handcuff.]

Boyle: The skate isn’t for the chain……it’s for my wrist! ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The video stops there, but if it had continued, I’m sure Tortorella would have been nearby yelling “I’ma kill you, you sick asshole!”

This madman must be stopped. Who should be watching their backs next? Let us know in the comments, and help us track down this crazed killer before he strikes again.

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4 Comments

  1. That was one of the freakiest sports injuries I’d ever heard about. I knew something was fishy about it. Thank goodness Reasonable Doubt was on the case to bring the real story to light. “My skate fell on me and slashed my tendon.” Riiight.

  2. Hat tip to Hextall for getting me in touch with the source that had the video. Next time, however, it’d be nice if the video was of the Ice Girls, and not a snuff film.

  3. Chris Hanson has no sympathy for Boyle.

  4. This was a freaky injury, but great writing on the part of…umm…whoever wrote it. Thanks a bunch!


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