Versus Presents: Sidney Crosby Revealed

On Friday afternoon, we here at MYFO were asked by a fine young lady representing Versus to hype their new program, Sidney Crosby Revealed, set to debut at 6:30 tomorrow night before the Penguins/Rangers game, with a repeat immediately following the game.

After a brief discussion regarding journalistic integrity, we realized we don’t have any. So after the jump is the promo video with Crosby talking about “The New NHL”, along with the reactions the MYFO Gang had upon watching it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

ReasonableDoubt: If the new NHL is all about speed and goal scoring, someone should probably let the Devils know. I don’t think they got that memo. Also, I think Crosby kicked the puck into the net at the 46 second mark.

Weed Against Speed: It seems to me that Sid the Kid has an unnatural obsession with speed. Is this going to be a Behind the Music type of show where we find out Crosby does up an 8-Ball before each game? No? Well then I’m not interested – and you know what? I feel misled and used by Versus. Used, I tell you! Versus, you will rue the day you misled an anonymous blogger!

Hextall454: Good for Zach Braff. Seriously. I was worried that he wouldn’t rebound from that crappy romantic tragedy movie, and the thought that Scrubs almost got cancelled before they could produce a proper final season – I mean, that could have totally crushed a guy. And rather than crying into a half-finished screenplay for Garden State 2: Back to the Minors, he went out and became a professional hockey player. Way to go, Zach Braff. (re-reads Versus’ memo) Wait, that’s not Zach Braff? I was supposed to be talking about who? Oh, crap.

Hey! This is Hextall454 at Melt Your Face-Off, and I encourage you all to catch Penguins phenom Sidney Crosby on the season premiere of Scrubs, this Thursday on NBC!

LeNoceur: Somebody get this kid a hair dryer. Seriously, does he take a shower every half-hour to make sure his beautiful chocolate locks drip just so onto his forehead? And the way he subtly licks his lips just before he speaks, and the way his eyes bore right into your soul…Oh, sorry, for a second I thought this was a Bravo production.

Baba Oje: Call me when VS produces “Joe Fucking Sakic: The Musical!” featuring Kevin McKid as Rob Blake, Richard Armitage as Patrick Roy, Captain America’s dead corpse as Chris Drury, a kid with downs syndrome as Peter Forsberg, and Clive Owen in the title role.

Raskolnikov: Sidney Crosby Revealed? The show is 30 minutes long! What are they going to say that we haven’t already heard? I’d say that he’s a robot programmed to be the best hockey player on the planet, but robots have more soul.

The Ordinary Seaman: I like how Versus makes it seem as if they’re doing blogs a favor by giving us a low res version of what’s basically nothing more than an ad. Oooh, the big fourth-rate specialty channel that nobody gives a shit about wants to let us run one of their ads for free! The email was nice and friendly and maybe I’m being a jerk, but let’s be honest — they’re asking for free advertising.

I also have to say that this promo does nothing to inspire me to watch the show. A bunch of Sid clips and him talking about speed? Isn’t this supposed to be an inside look at his life? This makes it appear as if they just sat Sid down for an hour and asked him to talk about hockey, which is fucking retarded. Personally, I want to know if Mario ever caught the little fucker sneaking sluts into the house. I want them to get all Us Weekly on the golden boy. Did they follow him around with a camera? Did they interview his friends and family? Go through his trash?

Or is this just Versus using Sid to sell their NHL games like they’re trying to use us to sell this program?

 

 

The Legend of Vincent Tremblay: This is why ESPN and the NHL need to get back together. Instead of Versus burning 30 minutes of air time to reveal what we already know (Sidney Crosby is the blandest superstar in the history of professional sports), ESPN could have used that time to pilot a reality series starring Maxime Talbot, Colby Armstrong, and Ryan Whitney as roommates. It would be a damn sight more entertaining, it would raise the profile of an American hockey team not named Red Wings, and if it worked, ABC could re-cast Cavemen with very little effort. They’d have to explain why one of the cavemen turned into a baby-faced Canadian, but writing that would be easier than editing Sid’s cliches into a profile of a guy who’s actually interesting when he’s not on the ice.

Come on, Sid! Don’t you see that you could kill a not-ready-for-basic cable network with your blandness? Inject a pit bull with HGH. Explain how you’re systematically nailing every puck bunny in western PA, one county at a time. Start peppering your interviews with as many f-bombs as you use on the ice. Do it. Stanford can’t beat USC every week, so the future of Versus depends on you!

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