The 2007 Vincent Damphousse Award Winner: Peter Bondra

DamphousseAccording to the National Hockey League’s Committee For Awards and Trophies That Aren’t Made Up, the Vincent Francois Damphousse Memorial Trophy (founded in 2004) shall be presented annually “to the player who, by publicly announcing his retirement from playing hockey to pursue other endeavors, makes us all laugh and say to ourselves ‘Really? That dude was still in the league? Hmm. Whatever.'”

Past recipients of this elite award include Doug Gilmour in 2003, who received the award retroactively after Damphousse’s 2004 retirement and the subsequent creation of the trophy, Steve Thomas in 2005, though he declined the award because he is still waiting for an NHL contract, and Luc Robitaille in 2006, who received the trophy milliseconds after officially announcing his retirement, as a league official happened to be standing right next to him clutching the trophy in his outstretched hand for three years.

It is with great pleasure that I now announce the 2007 inductee into the elite club of NHL players who have amused us greatly by announcing their retirement and thereby reminding us that they hadn’t yet retired. Drum roll please.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO…

Oh my god, it’s a tie!!! PETER BONDRA AND PIERRE TURGEON!!!

Come on up, both of you!!! Let’s hear it for the first joint winners in the history of the Damphousse Award!!! [APPLAUSE]

And while we’re at it, what the hell, let’s just go ahead and give the 2007 Award to MISTER TREVOR LINDEN!!! Come on up here!! Congratulations to you in advance, we cannot wait for you to retire next year to be a full-time Union consultant and have a bunch of people remember you from NHL 94 and be amazed that you were still in the league!

Stick around, folks. When we come back, we will be presenting the first ever Damphousse Lifetime Achievement Award to that legend of humorously not retiring, the one and only Mr. Paul Coffey!! We’ll be right back.

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1 Comment

  1. I thought Jeremy Roenick would have won this hands down.

    What do you mean he’s still in the league? Really?


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