The Weekly Whoring: MYFO Sells Out to the Coyotes

Last week, Melt Your Face-Off whored itself out to Versus and played their one minute commercial for the Sidney Crosby special they wanted hyped up. After consulting Ballhype, the only other blogs that bit on this were the ones literally run out of someone’s parents’ basement. So, thanks Versus. You made us cheap hookers. We better get some access from you fuckers for that.

Of course, as we’ve said before, we have no journalistic integrity. So, sure enough, when the Coyotes sent us an e-mail this week asking us to hype their new project, we bent over the table and our only request was for some KY Astroglide to let things go smoother.

So, if you go here, you can purchase (That’s right…you have to pay for it) the iTunes playlist of some of the more well-known Coyotes personnel. This includes The Great One, their play-by-play guy, their dance team, their goaltending coach, and their team captain.

Now, we here at MYFO are cheap bastards, so we didn’t buy the playlists. However, after the jump, follow along as we suggest songs for the iTunes playlist of other NHL names. A bit of a disclaimer: We take no responsibility for these songs getting stuck in your head, and just because it’s on someone else’s playlist doesn’t mean we’d listen to this shit.

In the meantime, if you are an NHL team and have a promotion, e-mail any one of us and we’ll make sure we bend over and take it from you. Hey….we’re just following with this website’s motto.

ReasonableDoubt:

Martin Brodeur – Shut Out the Light by Bruce Springsteen
The New York Islanders in general – John the Fisherman by Primus
Miroslav Satan – Sympathy for the Devil by The Rolling Stones
Jaromir Jagr – Overrated by Less Than Jake
Daniel Briere – All About the Benjamins by Puffy Diddy Daddy D
Sidney Crosby – Big Head by Jade
Darcy Tucker – Fighter by Christina Agulereriererrerera
Rod Brind’Amour – BBC from the Austin Powers soundtrack
Johan Holmqvist – In a Shooting Gallery by House of Ecstasy
Alexander Ovechkin – Fast Cars and Freedom by Rascal Flatts
Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews – Devil’s Playground by Billy Idol
Sergei Federov – Oh La La by Morandi
Derek BOOOOOOGAAAAAAARRRRRRRD – American Badass by Kid Rock (I don’t care that he’s Canadian.)
Marty Turco – I’m Fat by Weird Al Yankovic
Wayne Gretzky – The Gambler by Johnny Cash

and of course

Gary Bettman – Loser by Beck

LeNoceur:

Brad Boyes – Bad Boys by Inner Circle
Brad Boyes – Bad Boys by Miami Sound Machine
Georges Laraque – Can’t Stop the Rock by Apollo 440
Saku Koivu – anything and everything from Husker Du
Chris Chelios – My Generation by The Who
Mike Ricci – Grillz by Nelly & Paul Wall
John Ferguson – Fergalicious by Fergie
Scott Niedermayer – Make Up Your Mind by Theory of a Deadman
Mike Sillinger – Rambling Man by the Allman Brothers Band
Thomas Holmstrom – 96 Tears, by ? and the Mysterians

And finally,

Mrs. Gary Bettman – I’m With Stupid by The Pet Shop Boys

Weed Against Speed:

Gary Bettman – Idiots Rule by Jane’s Addiction and The Staggering Genius by Superdrag
Brian Engblom – Cut Your Hair by Pavement
Ryan Smyth – Tears Are Cool by Teenage Fanclub
Dustin Penner – You Think I Ain’t Worth A Dollar But I Feel Like A Millionaire by Queens of the Stone Age
Chris Chelios – Everyone I Went To High School With Is Dead by Mr. Bungle
Chris Pronger – Three Times A Lady by Lionel Richie (for his loving wife)
Dany Heatley – Someone Take The Wheel by The Replacements (I know – wrong)
Sidney Crosby – Save Your Generation by Jawbreaker
Steve Downie – I Saw What You Did And I Know Who You Are by Local H
Todd Bertuzzi – Suckerpunch by The Refreshments
Eric Staal – Sober by Tool
Jonathan Toews – Bastards of Young by The Replacements

And finally,

Derek Boogaard – Love to Fight by Sebadoh, Five Minutes Alone by Pantera and Man In The Box by Alice In Chains

Hextall454

Mark Parrish – Rockstar by Nickelback
Pavel Bure – Leaving on a Jetplane by John Denver
Wayne Gretzky – 99 Luft Balloons
Zdeno Chara – When I Look to the Sky by Train
Anze Kopitar – Der Kommisar by After the Fire
Zach Parise – Shorty Be Mine by Pretty Ricky
Derian Hatcher – Slow by Kylie Minogue
Jason Blake – Disease by Matchbox Twenty
Marty Turco – Heavy by Collective Soul
Todd Bertuzzi – Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
David Koci – Bleed it Out by Linkin Park

And of course, Ron Hextall – Anything with Slash on guitar

Baba Oje

Sidney Crosby – Heaven on Their Minds from the album Jesus Christ: Superstar
Scott Niedermayer – End of the Line by the Traveling Wilburys
Jarome Iginla – The Pretender by the Foo Fighters
Danny Heatley – Last Kiss as performed by Pearl Jam
Jose Theodore – Monkey Man by Toots and the Maytals
Ian Laperriere – Last Caress as performed by Will Leitch

Also I would like to note that of The Great One’s 19 songs, 17 are from Canadian artists including 3 Nickelback songs and Bryan Adams making an appearance. Who wrote the other two songs? You guessed it, Five For Fighting.

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3 Comments

  1. Chris Cheelios – All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down (Hank Williams, Jr. )
    Darcy Tucker – Man in the Box (Alice in Chains)
    Kyle Wellwood – White and Nerdy (Weird Al Yankovic)
    lots of people – Superunknown (Soundgarden)
    Philidelphia Flyers – Bleed Together (Soundgarden)
    Jaromir Jagr – Whatever Lola [Jags] Wants, Lola[Jags] Gets (OSundtrack to “Damn Yankees)

    And finally (for now) :Gary Bettman – This: http://youtube.com/watch?v=NfqqFStZO4o (audio NSFW)

  2. Doug-When The ‘Weight’ Comes Down
    Bob Probert-Opiated
    Ryan Smyth-Greasy Jungle
    Kevin Weekes-The Darkest One (Sorry)
    Mike Sillinger- Escape Is At Hand For The Travelin’ Man
    Tomas Vanek-Springtime In Vienna
    Sidney Crosby-Emperor Penguin
    Gary Bettman & Bill Daly-The Bastards
    Jim Balsille-It Can’t Be Nashville Every Night
    Dany Heatley-Heaven Is A Better Place Today

  3. Chris Pronger – Ridin’ Dirty
    Sean Avery – Holy Diver


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