Bertuzzi > Shatner

191.jpgGod, I hate Priceline commercials. 

It’s not the business model that I neccessarily despise (KSK’s Drew did stellar job with that premise in a recent Jamboroo), but rather the method of advertising by which they try and convince me that said model is for me.  It’s William Shatner.  He just won’t go the fuck away.  Once Comedy Central televises a Friars Roast in your honor, you should be required to retire from life.  Nothing you can do will improve your image as an actor.  GO.  AWAY.  And this “Priceline Negotiator” character makes me turn the channel every time I see it.  However, it seems that someone in the NHL isn’t reaching for the remote.

Todd Bertuzzi, for example.

According to wire reports, the lawyers for Bertuzzi just offered a settlement to Steve Moore in response to his lawsuit aimed at their client.  For those who don’t remember the pre-lockout days, Bertuzzi suckerpunched Moore in the back of the head in 2004, ending both their seasons simultaneously.  Moore, unlikely to ever play again, demands $15 million in his lawsuit.  Bertuzzi has considered the amount, and countered.  $350k. 

Bertuzzi makes that in 7.5 games.

However, this isn’t the first instance of Bertuzzi’s Cheapskatery.  Our undercover contacts have produced a tape of Todd Bertuzzi’s discussion this morning with a waitress at a San Bernadino Denny’s this morning.  (The other voice in the transcript belongs to occasional Ducks’ teammate Scott Niedermayer.)

Waitress: Will that be all for you boys?
Bertuzzi: Yes, just the check please.
Waitress: Not a problem. (leaves)
Bertuzzi: So, Grizzly Adams, how about coming back and playing a little puck? Sure would be nice to see someone other than Joe DiPenta back at the blueline. What do you say?
Niedermayer: I’m an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh! It’s on now!
Bertuzzi: I just don’t get you, pops.
Waitress: Here’s your check, boys. Do you have any questions?
Bertuzzi: I sure as hell do! I disagree with the price of my Grand Slam breakfast!
Waitress: How’s that?
Bertuzzi: It says here that my meal costs $3.99. I would like to pay less.
Waitress: Sir, you cannot pay less. The price is fixed.
Bertuzzi: But I didn’t eat everything. Look in that basket, for example. I left three slices of toast.
Waitress: Yes, I see that. However, you have to pay for them.  It’s a reasonable price.
Bertuzzi: I refuse! Look at all these eggs I didn’t eat! I hardly completed the Grand Slam. Surely we can negotiate.
Waitress: I’m afraid not!
Bertuzzi: A buck-twenty! Take it or leave it!
Waitress: Sir, breakfast doesn’t work this way.  You need to pay your bill now and leave.
Bertuzzi: (suckerpunches waitress in the back of the head)
Niedermayer: Hey, free toast!  (drools on table)

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1 Comment

  1. I’m just surprised at the lack of appetite that Bertuzzi had here. He’s a big guy, and even tough there’s a decent amount of food in a Grand Slam, I think he would have eaten it.

    And the last line = greatness

    That is all for now


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