No. God, no. Not again. Please. We already discovered earlier this season that Wild winger Mark Parrish likes to rock out to Nickelback. I know, I know, it’s a sad state of affairs. Embarassing, really. Simply by virtue of his actions, Parrish has irreparably damaged his reputation, perhaps even the reputations of his teammates as well – one of them should have stopped him – a douchervention, if you will. Well, loyal MYFO readers, I did not think it possible, but for the Minnesota Wild players, things have become even more troubling – the proverbial shit has indeed hit the fan: Josh Harding, the backup goaltender for the Wild, has friggin’ Rascal Flatts painted on his goalie helmet.
Josh Harding, if you are somehow reading this, join me after the jump. We need to talk.
Thanks for taking the time to meet with me, Josh. First off, and just to be clear, I’m not one of those “indie music” snobs. I’m not the kind of person that relishes looking down my nose at other people’s taste in music. There are musical skeletons in my closet, to be sure. For example, one of my favorite groups of all-time is Hall & Oates. Laugh if you want, it’s true. Still, Josh, Rascal-freaking-Flatts? I want to be honest with you, Josh, I have never heard a single song by this so-called “country” music group, nor is it on my “things to do” list. In my humble opinion, Johnny Cash is country. Hank Williams is country. Shit, even Kenny Rogers is more country compared to the garbage being pimped as country music these days.
Now, I have to give credit where credit is due, Josh. Last season, to raise awareness and to honor your sister’s bout with breast cancer, you had your goalie mask painted with pink ribbons. In such a macho sport like hockey, that took balls. I hope no one gave you shit about it. According to your web site, you have raised over $20,000 in the past year for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, including $3,405 for the goalie mask. You have also auctioned off items donated from other players in order to raise money. Even someone as cynical as myself cannot find fault with what you have accomplished. Because of that, you deserve nothing but respect and accolades. I really mean that.
That is what troubles me so much about the whole damn thing. Last year, your choices were admirable, then you go and really drop the puck with your mask this year. I am aware that along with having Rascal Flatts painted on your mask, you also paid tribute to those poor souls who lost their lives in the 35W bridge collapse last summer. I am sure you will once again auction off this mask to raise money for a good cause. It’s just, dude, why did you have to go ahead and put god damn Rascal Flatts on it? For that, I cannot forgive you – despite your charitable efforts.
You see, Josh, in case you were not aware, country music sucks – big time. The only people who should listen to country music are low-bred goofballs who don’t know any better. You know the type – dumb bastards who need a snappy tune – white trash bumper music, so to speak – to beat their wives to and provide a soundtrack to their incessant feuding with their neighbors in the trailer park (you know, the rich ones with the double-wide – yuppies). Something with a toe-tapping groove that they can listen to while they waste away their time in between changing their oil in their pickup trucks and going to the liquor store for more Schlitz or Bud or whatever Dale Earnhardt or Toby Keith told them to drink.
Josh, you’re better than that. Your mom raised you better than this. Please, as a service to yourself, get rid of all that country mu-sack with which you’re polluting your mind. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me and every other person with a modicum of self-respect. You seem like a pretty cool guy, Josh. Please, for the sake of the team and fans of the NHL everywhere, don’t be “that” guy.
Site Note: All kidding and joking aside, I’d encourage readers to continue to frequently check out Josh Harding’s web site. I am sure he will be auctioning off some pretty cool items for a worthy cause in the near future.