Danny Briere’s Dasherboard Confessional, Chapter II


Flyers center Daniel Briere, whose self-realization of his emonocity was exposed over the summer by MYFO, has a diary.  It’s disguised as a 2005 Sabres media guide covered in Snow Patrol stickers.  As Briere was going through security for the team’s trip to Raleigh, a MYFO operative hijacked his knapsack and secured the document in question.  (If promised a Cinnabon, the TSA folds faster than Bryan McCabe on a 2-on-1 breakaway.)  Here’s DB’s entry following the Flyers’ 6-3 loss to Boston, which included a game misconduct for linemate Scott Hartnell.

11:33 pm:

But I don’t WANNA be a Broad Street Bully…  -sigh-

Diary, I don’t know if you knew this, but there have been 8 suspensions this year in the league.  4 of them have gone to my team!!  And now everybody is referring to us as the new Broad Street Bullies.  I looked up who the original Broad Street Bullies on Wikipedia, and as it turns out, they were Flyers too!  What a coincidence!  But I’ve got news for you, World!  I am the Captain of this team, and I’ve never even driven on Broad Street in my whole life.  (I take 11th and park in the players’ lot.)  So you can’t get away labeling us like that, man, since this is MY team and I can call us WHATEVER I WANT.   In fact, from now on we will be the Flying Ho-

– hold on.  someone’s at the door. –

– Ok, that was Jason Smith.  He wanted to remind me that he’s actually the Captain of this team, and that “Flyers” will suffice as a team name.  God, I’m embarrassed.  I thought everyone had gone home.  I mean, other than Gagne, whose concussion forces him to walk in circles and carry on conversations with the laundry chute.  -whisper- You know what, Jason Smith?  You may be the frontman of this outfit, but we know who the people come to see.  I’m the Pete Wentz of Philadelphia, and don’t you forget it, you…you…jerkpants! -/end whisper-  What was I writing about?  Right, MY team of “Bullies.”

Coach has made sure I never have to talk to Jesse Boulerice or Steve Downie again, so half (or fifty per cent) of our suspension problem shouldn’t even be related to us in the press anymore.  As for Macho Man Jones and I Hart Nell, they didn’t MEAN to hurt the Bruins.  It’s not their fault that Boston has soft crania!  These are good kids we’re talking about.  Let’s not punish them anymore for their mistakes.  They’re not bullies!  THEY’RE PEOPLE!  PEOPLE WITH EMOTIONS!  EMOTIONS WITH FEELINGS!  FEELINGS WITH….PEOPLE!?!  PEOPLE WITH…

– oh, have a good night, Jason! Yeah, I will, soon.  Bye! –

…EMOTIONS!!! It’s not easy being a hockey player, and all this negativity makes me weary.  While those who commit the misdeeds for which they are punished had nothing but the best intentions, they’re not dicks.  But now they’re being treating with all the disdain that people have for the new My Chemical Romance album, and everything’s gotten tense.  My teammates are started to weaken and do things that may make them actual Bullies!  Mike Knuble jaywalks out of spite.  In Ottawa, Scottie Upshall tore the tags off the mattress to vent his rage.   There’s even a rumor that Braydon Coburn stole a hotel towel just to see if it was possible.  I don’t like what’s happening, and it’s all the media’s fault.  I feel so alone.  It’s like all my fear is pent up in a small room, and that room just got bulldozed by a wayward elephant. 

Gotta go.  Simon’s got his head is in the chute again.

— Danny Boy, fhm4e (flying hockey master 4eva)



  1. Please keep the briere blogs coming.
    Made my evening.

  2. This is extremely belated but… Brilliant!

  3. very interesting, but I don’t agree with you

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s