This Just In: Gretzky Was ‘Pretty Good Player’ According to Leafs President

Oooh, freaky!Richard Peddie is the president of the Maple Leafs. He is also a certified Master of the Obvious. In a statement that confirmed the opinion of 99.9 percent of crazed Leafs fans (including, I presume, erstwhile MYFO contributor Kid Canada, although he was unavailable for comment), Peddie acknowledged recently to the Toronto Sun that hiring John Ferguson Jr. as GM four years ago might not have been the brightest decision.

What struck me about reading this story was not so much the “bombshell” that Ferguson hasn’t exactly catapulted the Leafs to Stanley Cup contention. As I learned from the Kids in the Hall, no team is more fun to make fun of than the Leafs. No, what struck me as an American was how much Canada is like some bizarro parallel universe. Everything seems like its perfectly familiar…but not exactly. Get your dose of gooseflesh after the jump.

Richard Peddie: President of English-speaking Canada’s most iconic sports institution. If hockey is Canada’s sports religion, Peddie is at least an archbishop.

Richard Petty: The King of tobacco-spitting America’s most popular sports institution. When it comes to NASCAR, Petty is a living saint.

JFJ: Scion of powerful hockey family who rose to prominence and power at an early age. Subject of fans’ ire. About to get axed.

JFK: Scion of powerful rum-running family who rose to prominence and power at an early age. Subject of conspiracy theories. Was shot.

Leafs: Wear blue and white sweaters while raking in dough for teachers pension fund.

Leaves: Are raked by retired teachers wearing blue and white sweaters.

Competition Bureau: Government agency that’s going to get to the bottom of this whole chocolate situation.

Competition Committee: NFL group that’s going to get to the bottom of this whole last-second-timeout-on-field-goals situation.

All of that stuff is just weird, eh?

But there is one big, unmistakable difference between these here United States and our neighbors to the North. In America, when an executive admits that a hiring was a “mistake,” it is invariably AFTER said mistake has already been shown the door by security with his personal belongings in a cardboard box. And “mistakes” as colossal as hiring the wrong person to run your high-profile multi-million dollar enterprise are admitted out loud in only three circumstances: 1) in court, under oath; 2) privately, to your mistress; and 3) while undergoing waterboarding. You will notice that “to a newspaper columnist” is not one of those choices. That’s really the only thing that has kept me from repeatedly checking my pockets for loonies these last couple of days.

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3 Comments

  1. Milwaukee’s Best: Cheap A$$ beer that gets you drunk quickly and makes you forget that your state’s only real export is tons of cheese

    Milwaukee Brewers: Cheapp a$$ team that makes you remember your state’s only real export is tons of cheese.

  2. Hey Al – when did Miller Breweries move out of Wisconsin across the border?

  3. Peddie wouldn’t be able to tell apart Gretzky and Lemieux.


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