Making Puck: National Lampoon’s Christmas Edition

Thanks to reader Wufpirate for this idea. Today’s Making Puck pays tribute to one of my favorite Christmas movies, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. So, after the jump, join Clark, Ellen, Aunt Bethany and the rest as we light up the house, and lose the turkey.

Burn some dust. Eat my rubber. Evgeni Nobokov and Ilya Bryzgalov combined for 53 saves on 54 shots. The problem? Milan Michalek’s goal at the end of the second period which put the Sharks over the Coyotes 1-0.

Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season. Jose Theodore enjoys his job, and he wants to hang on to it. He only let in one goal off Danny Briere and his emobangs, as the Colorado Rockies won 2-1.

Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour. That’s gotta be how Ray Emery has felt the last few days. He’s gotten scored on more than a prom quee, but he only allowed in two, rather than his usual 5 or 6. The Sens won 4-2 off goals from Chris Kelly and Mike Fisher.

Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol? I have no tie-in here, but I love the quote…and why not use it for a hat trick? Henrik Zetterberg scored his second career hat trick, finishing it off with 19 seconds left after a one-timer. The Wings knocked off the Wild 5-0.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.  Stephen Weiss got stonewalled on a penalty shot, but politely told DiPietro to kiss his ass a few moments later, scoring on a wrist shot to send the Panthers to a 3-0 victory.

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. Nice work. Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.

  2. Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s