Wayne Gretzky: Level 50 Coach/Legend Arch-Villain

Not every game can be a thriller. Sometimes, you just get a long, slow slog. Last week’s Coyotes @ Penguins tilt fell into the latter category. Let’s see if re-imagining the game as a City of Heroes PvP session can spruce things up.

SidKid87: Hey, the Desert Dogs just challenged us to Bettman’s Victory. Who’s here?

Magneto-gorsk: Im in.

Bug-Z: When are yinz startin? The missus wants me to wash the dishes first.

SidKid87: Go to bestbuy.com, order a dishwasher, and get in here.

Childofthecorn: ha ha BLEEP whipped

Bug-Z: ha ha old enough to drink legally

SidKid87: Mags, have you heard from Sgt. Siberia?

Magneto-gorsk: new video driver is crashing. he’s out.

SidKid87: I Kill You On Skis told me he’d be on today, but I haven’t seen him.

Childofthecorn: he sent me an email his brother got arrested

SidKid87: What?

Bug-Z: Arrested?

The Brah-ston Terrier: Who got arrested?

LeOrangeDrink: Why doesnt it surprise me that Skis brother got busted

WWID?: Ski’s brother is cool. I’m surprised SKI didn’t get arrested.

SidKid87: Hey the Dogs are waiting on us. Let’s get organized here. Bugz, you’re with me. Where’s Hustlesaurus Rex?

Bug-Z: Still bitching about getting nerfed by the last patch.

Childofthecorn: nerfed by the last patch right

SidKid87: BLEEP him then.

Nuclear Option: Hey, guys!

Bug-Z: NUUUUUUUKE!

Childofthecorn: nooook

SidKid87: Nuke! Good, you’re with me and Bugz. They got a lot of tanks.

The Brah-ston Terrier: Nuke!

Nuclear Option: Who got a lot of tanks?

LeOrangeDrink: Desert Dogs. Bettman’s Victory.

Nuclear Option: Sweet. I used to be in their supergroup. They’ll know better than to BLEEP with me.

LeOrangeDrink: Why am I seeing BLEEP in my team channel?

BobbyOrrpik: Go into your options and turn off the profanity filter

Sister Christensen: Better do it now Every third word outta Sid will be BLEEP once the fight start

SidKid87: What the BLEEP? I don’t swear that BLEEP much!

BobbyOrrpik: LOL

Childofthecorn: lol

SidKid87: Where’s FP?

FlowerPower: here. just got done with another respec. maybe this one will work.

SidKid87: Sarge isn’t here. Orr and Brah, you wanna team up?

The Brah-ston Terrier: OK

BobbyOrrpik: OK

The Golden Domer: Orange do you need sidekicked?

LeOrangeDrink: not tonight. i’ve been PLing lately

DARR-YLLL: That leaves me and Scud.

Sykk Out: Me Mags and who? Sis?

Sister Christensen: Sure

LeOrangeDrink: What tab is the profanity filter on?

The Golden Domer: Never mind that now. We’re rolling.

Entering Bettman’s Victory

Predatory Doan: Hey it’s the Puny Penguins

Army Mann: yeah yeah woof woof BLEEP

The Ballard-eer: Oh, you wanna go?

Army Mann: anyplace anytime

WWID?: Cool it Army

Max-Bot 3000: Hey, am I late?

Nuclear Option: Right on time. Get over here.

SidKid87: Where you been, Max?

Max-Bot 3000: ISP again.

Billy Gunz: When are yinz gonna shut up and fight?

Bug-Z: Yinz? Yinz from Pittsburgh?

Billy Gunz: Holy BLEEP! I’m from Fox Chapel!

Bug-Z: Upper St. Clair!

EzyBryzy: THIS IS CITY OF HEROES NOT CITY OF STEELER FANS SHUT UP AND FIGHT

The Ballard-eer: Yeah, let’s go, little birdies

Predatory Doan: Checkpoint Vezina. Bring it.

WWID?: Corn, where the hell are you going?

Childofthecorn: i went to checkpoint richard my bad

SidKid87 hits Morris D. Katt for 254 points of driving damage.

Morris D. Katt has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

Army Mann: Come on, Ballard-eer. Right now!

The Ballard-eer: My pleasure!

Army Mann has challenged The Ballard-eer to a duel!

The Ballard-eer accepts!

Army Mann hits The Ballard-eer for 422 points of punching damage.

The Ballard-eer has died, and will respawn in 5:00.

The Ballard-eer hits Army Mann for 398 points of punching damage.

Army Mann had died, and will respawn in 5:00.

Predatory Doan: At least they’re having fun.

EzyBryzy deflects a wrist-shot attack from SidKid87

EzyBryzy deflects a rebound attack from Bug-Z

EzyBryzy deflects a slapshot attack from The Brah-ston Terrier

Slapshot attack from LeOrangeDrink misses

LeOrangeDrink: dammit

SidKid87: Ezy is tough. Gonna take a while to bring this BLEEP BLEEP down.

WWID?: Concentrate on Penalty Drawing buffs. That will wear him out.

FlowerPower deflects a wrist shot attack from Predatory Doan

Army Mann hits The Ballard-eer for 227 points of zone-dump damage.

The Ballard-eer had died, and will respawn in 2:00.

The Ballard-eer: What the hell?

Predatory Doan: He’s got your number, Bal.

SidKid87: Quick, while Bal is BLEEP.

EzyBryzy uses a Bad Ice trap to dodge rush attack by SidKid87.

SidKid87: BLEEP BLEEP!

LeOrangeDrink: I didnt turn off the profanity filter What did he say?

Bug-Z: BLEEP BLEEP!

WWID?: Thanks for clearing that up, Bugz.

FlowerPower deflects a slapshot from Morris D. Katt

FlowerPower deflects a rebound from Carcillogen

SidKid87: Whatever you did in that last respec, Flower, KEEP IT!

FlowerPower: heh heh yeah

Slapshot attack from LeOrangeDrink misses

LeOrangeDrink: My BLEEP accuracy is nerfed!

Jovo-Cop: Or maybe you just suck, n00b

EzyBryzy: LOL

The Undead Kennedy hits Jovo-Cop for 298 points of rush damage

Jovo-Cop has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

Childofthecorn: ha ha your karma is nerfed

EzyBryzy deflects a slapshot attack from Magneto-gorsk

Slapshot attack from LeOrangeDrink misses

LeOrangeDrink: BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP

The Brah-ston Terrier: Looks like we have a fouler mouth than Sid’s

SidKid87: No BLEEP way

The Ballard-eer counters a rush attack from Sister Christensen for 267 points of damage

Sister Christensen has died, and will respawn in 2:00

The Ballard-eer: Finally!

Army Mann hits The Ballard-eer with 304 points of cycling damage.

The Ballard-eer has died, and will respawn in 2:00

The Ballard-eer: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE BLEEP KIDDING ME

SidKid87: LOL!

Army Mann: LOL

Childofthecorn: lol

The Ballard-eer: Shut up, n00b

EzyBryzy: LOL!

The Ballard-eer: STFU Bryzy

Nuclear Option buffs Max-Bot 3000 with a no-look backhand pass

Max-Bot 3000 hits EzyBryzy with a wrist shot.

MAX-BOT 3000 SCORES!

The Mighty Penguins claim Checkpoint Vezina!

[Black and gold banners appear on the skyscrapers around Checkpoint Vezina]

Magneto-gorsk: MAAAX!

BobbyOrrpik: Helluva buff, Nuke!

Predatory Doan: 2 of you on Nuke, and you still let him buff Max?

Predatory Doan: Come on. Checkpoint Adams. Now.

Sykk Out hits The Rein Fire for 277 points of rush damage.

The Rein Fire has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

SidKid87: Come on, let’s get this BLEEP now!

EzyBryzy deflects a wrist shot attack from Magneto-gorsk

EzyBryzy deflects a rebound attack from Sykk Out

EzyBryzy deflects a rebound attack from Magneto-gorsk

The Brah-ston Terrier: Dammit, we need Sarge for this.

DARR-YLLL: Amen brother

Magneto-gorsk hits Morris D. Katt for 301 points of rush damage.

Morris D. Katt has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

EzyBryzy: Whatever. I’m invincible!

Max-Bot 3000: Except at CP Vezina.

EzyBryzy: What. Ever.

Jovo-Cop hits Childofthecorn for 244 points of rush damage.

Mr. Myxzybnek hits Childofthecorn for 219 points of cycling damage.

Childofthecorn has died, and will respawn in 4:00.

Childofthecorn: mother BLEEP

EzyBryzy deflects wrist shot attack from Max-Bot 3000

SidKid87: Anybody need a bio break?

Max-Bot 3000: Yeah. I need another Red Bull.

Morris D. Katt: Sounds good. Bio break everybody?

Predatory Doan: Bio break!

Morris D. Katt: back

SidKid87: Back

The Golden Domer: I’m back.

Predatory Doan: Back. Everybody ready?

SidKid87: Corn hasn’t called back yet, but he can’t respawn anyway. Let’s go.

FlowerPower deflects a slapshot from The Ballard-eer

FlowerPower deflects a wrist shot from The Rein Fire

The Rein Fire buffs Predatory Doan with a cross-ice pass

Predatory Doan hits FlowerPower with a wrist-shot

PREDATORY DOAN SCORES!

The Desert Dogs claim Checkpoint Adams!

[Burgundy banners appear on the buildings around Checkpoint Adams]

[The giant statue of Lester Patrick in front of City Hall turns into a giant statue of Dale Hawerchuk in a Winnipeg Jets jersey]

FlowerPower: Damn lag.

Predatory Doan: Lag. That’s it. Couldn’t possibly be because you suck.

Childofthecorn: damn taco bell what did i miss?

Childofthecorn: ha ha winnipeg jersey

The Ballard-eer: BLEEP you

Predatory Doan: Shut up, n00b

Mr. Myxzybnek: ha ha checkpoint adams!

SidKid87: All right, all right, BLEEP. Checkpoint Richard.

FlowerPower deflects wrist shot from Billy Gunz

FlowerPower deflects tipped shot from Carcillogen

Slapshot attack from LeOrangeDrink misses

LeOrangeDrink: I’m going to break this BLEEP keyboard

Sister Christensen hits Peter Mueller for 298 points of cycling damage.

Peter Mueller has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

Sister Christensen: Nice name, there, Pete. All the good names taken?

Peter Mueller: Secret identity alt.

Sister Christensen: So what’s your hero name?

Peter Mueller: Fantastic Dude!

Sister Christensen: Lame. Stick with the alt.

Childofthecorn: lol

Peter Mueller: Shut up, newb.

The Desert Dogs have too many villains in the combat zone!

A turret hits The Rein Fire with a detention field.

The Rein Fire has died, and will respawn in 2:00.

Predatory Doan: BLEEP!

SidKid87 buffs LeOrangeDrink with a cross-ice pass.

LeOrangeDrink hits EzyBryzy with a one-timer.

LEORANGEDRINK SCORES!

The Mighty Penguins have claimed Checkpoint Richard!

[Black and gold banners appear on the skyscrapers around Checkpoint Richard]

LeOrangeDrink: FINALLY!

Sykk Out: WOO HOO!

Magneto-gorsk: LeOrangeDrink!

EzyBryzy: Can’t believe I got beat by BLEEP kool-aid

Predatory Doan: Grrr. Checkpoint Jennings?

SidKid87: Checkpoint Hart is closer. To me, at least

Predatory Doan: You wanna be that way, eh? Checkpoint Lady Byng.

SidKid87: OK, BLEEP.

EzyBryzy deflects a wrist-shot from Sister Christensen

EzyBryzy deflects a slapshot from BobbyOrrpik

EzyBryzy deflects a rebound from Nuclear Option

WWID?: Keep it coming, boys! He’s hurting!

Childofthecorn and The Undead Kennedy execute a Criss-Cross Combo!

The Undead Kennedy hits EzyBryzy with a wrist shot

THE UNDEAD KENNEDY SCORES!

The Mighty Penguins claim Checkpoint Lady Byng!

[Black and gold banners appear on the walls of Lady Byng Park.]

THE MIGHTY PENGUINS HAVE CLAIMED BETTMAN’S VICTORY!

[Black and gold banners appear all over the zone.]

[The giant statue of Dale Hawerchuk in front of City Hall turns into a giant statue of Mario Lemieux holding the Stanley Cup over his head.]

SidKid87: BLEEP YEAH BABY!

Sykk Out: WOO HOO!

Childofthecorn: suck it dogs!

WWID?: Well played, boys!

Army Mann: WOOF MOTHER BLEEP WOOF! BLEEP!

Arena will close in 0:30.

Morris D. Katt: Statue should be wearing a Kansas City Scouts jersey.

Billy Gunz: HEY!

Bug-Z: HEY!

The Ballard-eer: Next time, Army.

Predatory Doan: Damn. I thought you’d be toast without Sgt. Siberia.

WWID?: Hey, we have depth.

FlowerPower: Hey, that respec worked!

SidKid87: Yeah, helluva job, Flower!

Arena will close in 0:15.

LeOrangeDrink: I knew that random number generator wouldn’t screw me all night.

LeOrangeDrink: Finally found the profanity filter option.

Bug-Z: Hey, where did you get the name “LeOrangeDrink”, anyway?

LeOrangeDrink: The GMs wouldn’t let me keep LePoonTang.

[LOST CONNECTION TO MAPSERVER]

(Thanks to Yostal and his Finnish ex-roomie for the name “I Kill You On Skis”.)

Advertisements

6 Comments

  1. I read the whole thing. I didn’t understand a bit of it. It’s brilliant.

  2. I have to agree. Wow.

  3. mbehpis

  4. dqenfbj zxlsn

  5. biyng wlcaqnf

  6. hxye knhwbvz


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s