Mike Richards Embraces the Future


I have to tell you, I’ve really enjoyed this free trial of Netflix that Hatcher got me for Christmas.  I hate going to the video rental store.  HATE IT.  With Netflix, I have movies waiting for me when I get home from a grueling road trip, a swing up to the Meadowlands and NYC, or even coming back from a morning skate!  And I realize that a free month’s trial comes on the inside flap of every Netflix package – so Derian didn’t actually spend any money for this Christmas gift – but it’s the thought that counts.  And the only thought I’m having is that I’ve got Transformers AND The Bourne Ultimatum waiting for me when I get home!  AWESOME!!!

Did you know that they don’t even have late fees in Netflix?  Yeah, I know!  Let’s say I feel like renting a classic, something that was in theaters way before I was old enough to go the Ontariplex with my friends – like Forrest Gump.  Now you have to be in the right mood to watch a classic like that – otherwise the classical brilliance of Robert Zemeckis may not be fully appreciated.  But some days practices are long, and I want to turn my brain off for awhile, ya know?  I may not be in the mood for classic cinema – I may want a popcorn flick – like Transformers or The Bourne Ultimatum!  So then I’m left looking for the perfect opportunity to watch Forrest Gump, and that could take weeks!  Does it matter?  No!  Netflix doesn’t have late fees!

I tell you what, I find their commercials HILARIOUS!  Could you imagine coming into your 6-bedroom house after a red-eye back from Calgary, only to find COWBOYS hanging out in your kitchen!  I mean, ACTUAL COWBOYS!  And some of them are ON HORSES!  That’s what happens if you rent a Western, I think.  Since this has been a free trial, and we’ve been busy losing to Carolina and New Jersey, I haven’t gotten any westerns.  But I’m willing to take suggestions.

But my free trial only has three more days in it, so after these two waiting in my mailbox, I’m going to have to make a decision.  Don’t get me wrong, I love having this luxury, and as a professional athlete, I feel that I’m entitled to a little bit of luxury here and there.  It’s not easy to be Mike Richards all the time.  People are constantly mistaking me for…Jeff Carter.  And I’m getting tired of answering all the fan hate mail accusing me of being a racist whose best years of my career ended when Seinfeld wrapped. 

(looks around kitchen.  Sees 12 year, 69 million contract sitting on the counter next to the Pop Tarts.)

You know what?  I’m going to go for it!  I’m going to call Netflix up and ask if I can get a lower rate if I promise to subscribe at this address through…2019?  Cool!  Well, I’ve got to go now.  Mike Richards the hockey player is about to turn into Mike Richards the movie buff!

(sits down on couch, while making Transforming noise with his mouth.)



  1. Flyer fans: Your future captain.

  2. Ontariplex is genius

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