Tomas Holmstrom sits with two women at an elegant restaurant.
Tomas Holmstrom: So, ladies …
Blond: *twirls hair*
Brunette: *checks nails*
Holmstrom: Um, how about that storm?
Blond: You know, for being a “player”, you’re about as interesting as Patrick Stefan.
Holmstrom: Er …
Meanwhile, outside the restaurant, a flatpanel van houses $1 million dollars worth of spy equipment with three gentlemen inside…
Nik Lidstrom: *Sighs* Jesus Christ, how can one man be so inept?
Pavel Datsyuk: *Narrows eyes, squints at video screen* Why is he pointing at them? He wouldn’t …
*The blond and brunette have slapped Holmstrom*
Henrik Zetterberg: *Cringes* The two-on-one break line fails again. This calls for extreme actions.
Lidstrom: I’ve got it.
*Puts on Mike Tyson mask*
The women storm out of the restaurant with Holmstrom in pursuit.
Holmstrom: Ladies! You don’t want the Claude Lemieux special?
Lidstrom has stolen the women’s purses.
Holmstrom: Ray Emery, I’m gonna get you!!!
Holmstrom tackles Lidstrom and punches him in the back of the head. Lidstrom has turtled.
Holmstrom: Fuck, why do I always give men the Claude Lemieux? *Grabs purses*
I believe you dropped these, ladies.
Blond: *Grabs Holmstrom’s right arm* Wow, you’re so brave.
Brunette: *Grabs Holmstrom’s left arm* We almost lost those in flagrante delicto photos of Federov. You saved us millions of dollars. How can we ever repay you?
Holmstrom: Two-on-one, maybe?
Blond: Fine, whatever.
Holmstrom and the women have walked off into the night. Datsyuk and Zetterberg jump out of the van to aid the fallen Lidstrom.
Lidstrom: Uggh, he’s gonna need a fluffer. My head …
Zetterberg: Sukee, I fingered his asshole the last time.
Datsyuk has run off in hot pursuit of Holmstrom.
The next day…
Holmstrom: Hey guys! I scored twice last night! Nik, what happened to your head?
Lidstrom: I fell down the fucking stairs.
Holmstrom: Pavel, what’s with the gasmask?
Datsyuk: Fuck you.