Tomas Holmstrom’s Big Score

Tomas Holmstrom sits with two women at an elegant restaurant.

Tomas Holmstrom: So, ladies …

Blond: *twirls hair*

Brunette: *checks nails*

Holmstrom: Um, how about that storm?

Blond: You know, for being a “player”, you’re about as interesting as Patrick Stefan.

Holmstrom: Er …

Meanwhile, outside the restaurant, a flatpanel van houses $1 million dollars worth of spy equipment with three gentlemen inside…

Nik Lidstrom: *Sighs* Jesus Christ, how can one man be so inept?

Pavel Datsyuk: *Narrows eyes, squints at video screen* Why is he pointing at them? He wouldn’t …

*The blond and brunette have slapped Holmstrom*

Henrik Zetterberg: *Cringes* The two-on-one break line fails again. This calls for extreme actions.

Lidstrom: I’ve got it.

*Puts on Mike Tyson mask*

The women storm out of the restaurant with Holmstrom in pursuit.

Holmstrom: Ladies! You don’t want the Claude Lemieux special?

Lidstrom has stolen the women’s purses.

Holmstrom: Ray Emery, I’m gonna get you!!!

Holmstrom tackles Lidstrom and punches him in the back of the head. Lidstrom has turtled.

Holmstrom: Fuck, why do I always give men the Claude Lemieux? *Grabs purses*

I believe you dropped these, ladies.

Blond: *Grabs Holmstrom’s right arm* Wow, you’re so brave.

Brunette: *Grabs Holmstrom’s left arm* We almost lost those in flagrante delicto photos of Federov. You saved us millions of dollars. How can we ever repay you?

Holmstrom: Two-on-one, maybe?

Blond: Fine, whatever.

Holmstrom and the women have walked off into the night. Datsyuk and Zetterberg jump out of the van to aid the fallen Lidstrom.

Lidstrom: Uggh, he’s gonna need a fluffer. My head …

Zetterberg: Sukee, I fingered his asshole the last time.

Datsyuk: Guhhhh.

Datsyuk has run off in hot pursuit of Holmstrom.

The next day…

Holmstrom: Hey guys! I scored twice last night! Nik, what happened to your head?

Lidstrom: I fell down the fucking stairs.

Holmstrom: Pavel, what’s with the gasmask?

Datsyuk: Fuck you.



  1. Ugh, I did not need the image of Henrik fingering Homer’s behind.

  2. You’re a very disrturbed man. Seems like those Detoilet players are too. Thank’s for the laugh.

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