Jacques Lemaire Coaches 1,000th Game; Neutral Zone Trap Still Kind Of Sucks

Jacques Lemaire

Last night at the Xcel Energy Center in Saint Paul, hockey great Jacques Lemaire coached his 1,000th NHL game. It is certainly not an overstatement to say that Lemaire has had a successful coaching career (Stanley Cup with the Devils in ’95, Jack Adams Award winner in ’94 and ’03) which was built upon his astonishing career with the Montreal Canadiens (8 Stanley Cups as a player and 2 Cups as a member of the Habs front office). Lemaire is known as one of the best two-way players ever in the NHL and also possessed a lethal slapshot. Lemaire is also the only player in NHL history to have two Stanley Cup winning goals. Impressive, indeed.

Now that we have sufficiently polished Jacques’ knob, let us take a look at what has changed in the world since 1983, when Lemaire took his spot behind the bench of the Montreal Canadiens and began his NHL coaching career. Into the time machine, everyone.

  • In 1983, Microsoft Word is released. In 2007, they are still working out the bugs in the program.
  • In 1983, the organization DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) is founded. In 2007, the kids are still smoking a whole lot of weed. Looks like it’s not working.
  • In 1983, the Denver Nuggets and Detroit Pistons combined for a whopping NBA-record 370 points in a game. In 2007, no one with a reasonable level of intelligence gives a flying fuck about NBA basketball.
  • In 1983, the Washington Redskins defeated the Miami Dolphins 27-17 in Super Bowl XVII. In 2007, Joe Gibbs frequently shits himself.
  • In 1983, the ground-breaking television series CHiPS ends its run. In 2007, Erik Estrada is still searching for the right vehicle to showcase his “talent”.
  • In 1983, the Nintendo Entertainment System goes on sale in Japan. In 2007, I’m still trying to figure out what was the fucking point of the “Negative Worlds” on Super Mario Bros.
  • In 1983, Kellogg’s introduces Crispix cereal. In 2007, Crispix is still one of Weed’s favorite foods when he has the munchies.
  • And finally,

  • In 1983, Troy Crosby scored a ton of Canadian tail by informing the ladies he was an up-and-comer in Juniors and would one day play in the National Hockey League (he didn’t). In 2007, Troy Crosby clumsily tries to score with the ladies by drunkenly informing them that Sidney Crosby is his progeny. Does it work? Don’t know for sure but if it does, the key to Troy’s success is just what drives the new NHL…speed. No, not that kind of speed. The other stuff.
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    1 Comment

    1. 1983: Got that sweet red and white Huffy dirt bike. 2007: Still making payments on the minivan.


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