TWW: What I Want for Christmas

No matter what you celebrate this season, I’m sure we can all agree on one thing. Sidney Crosby died for our sins. After the jump, a very special The Weekly Whoring in which we reveal a couple Christmas wishes for the league. Happy holidays, gang.

For Gary Bettman: A new sock, some business savvy, and/or a puck to the groin.

For Daniel Briere: A round-trip ticket to SoIll, so he can brood in peace with his fellow emo-banger.

For BOOOOOOOGAAAAAAAARD: A trip to the All-Star game.

For Sean Avery: Some new catchphrases.

For the Detroit Red Wings: Some injuries, damn it. Let the rest of the league catch up.



  1. They did get Zetterberg, Holmstrom (twice), Maltby, and Draper all injured at various times! But they got a break because while Zetterberg and Holmstrom were making out in the closet, the game was against the Wild- and Gaborik was too scared of getting kneecapped by Hasek again to score. But if it’s any consolation, Chelios, Hasek and Lidstrom should be sidelined with arthritis, hip fractures, failing eyesight and ear hair by the end of the season. And if you’re extra lucky, a poacher will shoot Datsyuk and make his square head into a bedside table. But hopefully not, go Wings

  2. […] Melt Your Face Off asked for a few Christmas wishes including the following: For the Detroit Red Wings: Some injuries, […]

  3. My wish: Downsize the frickin’ goalie equipment already. Even I could save 80% of shots with a futon strapped to each leg.

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