MYFO Special Edition: Winter Classic 2008 LiveBlog

Good morning and Happy New Year, cats and kittens.

Your favorite MYFO writers are currently gathering, slowly but surely, to liveblog the Winter Classic. After the jump, we’ll be posting a running transcript at each commercial break. Follow along in the comments!

The game hasn’t started yet, meatheads. But comment anyway!

1:17 PM EST Update –
Weed Against Speed has joined the conference.

Reasonable Doubt: Okay, here we go.
Weed Against Speed: Here we go…
Reasonable Doubt: Have the Pens had these light blue jerseys all year?
Weed Against Speed: Colby Armstrong is my favorite player other than Cheddar Johnson.
Reasonable Doubt: How much of a goddamn masochist do you have to be to willingly sit in 20 degree weather, 40 mph winds, and snow to watch hockey?
Weed Against Speed: No one circles the wagons like the citizens of Buffalo, NY.
Reasonable Doubt: And apparently, Vinny Tremblay.
Weed Against Speed: I think twoeightnine is there as well.
Reasonable Doubt: Poor bastards. Should I mention again that it’s 73 degrees outside and I have the door to the balcony open?
Reasonable Doubt: This guy is way too fucking excited to be sitting in the middle of hell.
Weed Against Speed: Fuck off. I guess it is a balmy 20 degrees in Saint Paul, so I can’t complain.
Reasonable Doubt: No one is busting out the Jose Theodore ski mask this year, I guess.
Weed Against Speed: Bob Costas needs to get a Sable hat from Bob Sackameno.
Reasonable Doubt: Surprisingly, this is the most athletic action held in Ralph Wilson Stadium in months,
Weed Against Speed: I think they had a rodeo there back in September…
Reasonable Doubt: …god damn that place sucks.
Reasonable Doubt: So, are we giving odds for how long it takes Hextall and LeNoc to wake up?
Weed Against Speed: Over/under at 20 minutes…I’m on my second screwdriver and have had a shot of Dr. McGillicutty’s, so I’m shaking off the cobwebs quite well.
Raskolnikov has joined the conference.

Reasonable Doubt: Welcome, Rask.
Reasonable Doubt: It’s snowing very….very hard.
Weed Against Speed: Ahoy hoy, Rask.
Raskolnikov: sorry about that
Weed Against Speed: RD, that’s what she said.
Raskolnikov: Those bags that Edzo put on his feet? Gucci.
Hextall has joined the conference.

Reasonable Doubt: Now it’s a party!
Weed Against Speed: Hex!
Hextall: ‘Tis I.
Reasonable Doubt: FIRE!
Weed Against Speed: So we are going to liveblog the show after this game, right? I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t wait for figure skating to the soothing sounds of Seal.
Reasonable Doubt: Those flames aren’t for the entrance. They’re for survival.
Weed Against Speed: James Hetfield just had a panic attack.
Reasonable Doubt: Only if he does Kiss From a Rose
Raskolnikov: No Rodents of Unusual size?
Hextall: It’s time like this that you wish Ralph Wilson Stadium was a retractable dome.

1:26 PM EST Update

Weed Against Speed: Scott Norwood just got cut off. Stupid servers.
Raskolnikov: Darren, take off those stilts
Weed Against Speed: Sidney!!!!1!1!
Reasonable Doubt: Stay warm, play hard.
Reasonable Doubt: I need that on a t-shirt.
Weed Against Speed: “Play warm, stay hard” may be better.
Reasonable Doubt: Holy shit–Howard Finkel is singing the national anthem
Reasonable Doubt: Welcome to Wrestlemania!
Weed Against Speed: Is this where I take off my pants or my hat?
Reasonable Doubt: You’re wearing pants?
Hextall: O, canuckistan! We wear no pants for thee!
Weed Against Speed: Problem solved! (/Alec Baldwin on SNL)
Reasonable Doubt: Shut up and sing!
Reasonable Doubt: Wait, we sent the Irish Tenors to Afghanistan?
Weed Against Speed: Irish tenor? He should be way too hungover for this! You’re letting us Irishmen down! Unless he pukes.
Weed Against Speed: They wanted Toby Keith.
Reasonable Doubt: 3/1 odds say no one knows the lyrics to God Bless America in Buffalo
Raskolnikov: Can Andrew Peters deck this guy already?
Reasonable Doubt: …come to think of it, I don’t know the words to it, either.
Hextall: Buffalo: The Town that God Forgot
Weed Against Speed: I can’t believe he grabbed his crotch at the end. Crazy.
Hextall: The Blackhawks are overhead?
Weed Against Speed: “Get me outta here!” – every resident of Buffalo.
Reasonable Doubt: Gary Bettman was too cheap for jets? He got blackhawk helicopters instead?
Hextall: I wasn’t watching the screen – I thought he was talking about Chicago.
Reasonable Doubt: If this was a three-way game, I’d probably have flown up to watch.
Hextall: GOAL
Weed Against Speed: Score!
Reasonable Doubt: SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Reasonable Doubt: COLBY ARMSTRONG!
Weed Against Speed: I love cheese!
Hextall: Great job, Son. — God.
Raskolnikov: Brian Campbell took all of Ronan’s drinks, I see.

1:36 PM EST Update –

Reasonable Doubt: Time to lose the toque, Miller.
Weed Against Speed: What the fuck is that thing?
Raskolnikov: This is how you get free beer eh
Reasonable Doubt: I actually have one of those in the shape of a Maple Leaf
Reasonable Doubt: But I look strangely like Foghorn Leghorn when I wear it.
Weed Against Speed: I said I said I like hockey I said.
Reasonable Doubt: Now look see here, boy…
LeNoceur has joined the conference.

Weed Against Speed: Hey LeNoc!
LeNoceur: Hey
Reasonable Doubt: Shaking off the hangover?
LeNoceur: I will be in and out…after a week at my father in law, the3 wife invited the mother in law over to our place today
Hextall: You have 3 wives? That means three mothers in law.
Weed Against Speed: Sweet Jebus, LeNoc.
LeNoceur: Also, my laptop crashed
LeNoceur: Happy fucking New Year
Weed Against Speed: I crashed through the patio door last night.
Raskolnikov: Fuck the New Year, the Blues shut out the Wings
Hextall: 2008, brought to you by Amp Energy Drink.
LeNoceur: BRB…
LeNoceur has left the conference.

LeNoceur has joined the conference.

Weed Against Speed: I like the word “yank”.
Reasonable Doubt: Gonchar almost took someone’s head off with that slapshot
Raskolnikov: Darren Pang sounds like a child tugging on his parent’s shirt for attention.
Weed Against Speed: Nothing says outdoor hockey in Buffalo like Marilyn Manson tunes.
Reasonable Doubt: He was channelling Dwayne Robertson, juggling the puck on his stick
Reasonable Doubt: For those keeping score at home, that’s 1 Mighty Ducks reference.
Hextall: Cake eater.
Reasonable Doubt: 2
Weed Against Speed: When I juggle something with my stick they kick me out of the cafeteria at the high school.
Reasonable Doubt: I love how Buffalo tried to clear the puck and it got caught up on a pile of ice shavings.
LeNoceur: Try the back corner of the playground..the security cameras don’t reach there
Hextall: Aren’t you a little old/creepy to be hanging out in high school cafeterias?

1:41 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: That’s what my probation officer has told me…
Raskolnikov: Jean Sebastien Aubin? That’s the best you could do AMP?
Weed Against Speed: I’m wondering where Fes was for that commercial.
Reasonable Doubt: Nothing says Winter like the Vengaboys
LeNoceur: Due to laptop death, I am currently listening to Penguins radio online
Raskolnikov: Nothing promotes racial integrity like really white people playing the dozens.
LeNoceur: The announcer thinks that if the Penguins score right now, that would be a good thing
Reasonable Doubt: That’s why he gets paid the big bucks.
LeNoceur: Did you know that all 6 Buffalo D are lefthand shots?
Reasonable Doubt: Did you know there is no D in either Buffalo or Pittsburgh?
Hextall: that’s why you get paid the big bucks.
Reasonable Doubt: How much would it rock to see a fight in this game?
Reasonable Doubt: Bloody knuckles, struggling to breathe, just fucking wailing on each other.
Hextall: between goalies…
Weed Against Speed: I had a couple good hits on my last shift as well.
Weed Against Speed: Hex, they do “your momma” fights.

1:48 PM EST Update –

Hextall: When does Joe Namath try and kiss Darren Pang?
Weed Against Speed: There should be more Sidney Crosby commercials.
LeNoceur: Every chance he gets
Reasonable Doubt: So NBC gets stuck with Seattle and the Redskins next weekend?
Hextall: No. America does.
Raskolnikov: Do those jerseys help with Segway handling?
Reasonable Doubt: Poor bastards.
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, like you could have made that throw.
LeNoceur: If I were an NHL GM, I would write a “no Segway” clause into every contract
Raskolnikov: That zamboni’s heading to Boise for some BK at intermission
Reasonable Doubt: “I can hit you guys with this snowball!” “No you can’t.”
Hextall: The Florida Panthers flag should be flying at half-mast.
Reasonable Doubt: If the King came out and scored a goal, I swear I would go buy some Cini-Minis tomorrow morning.
Raskolnikov: Girls, where are you?
Weed Against Speed: “Inside the Glass”? How does he breathe?
Reasonable Doubt: “What was it like coming on the ice?”
Reasonable Doubt: Annnnnd…GO!
Weed Against Speed: Coming on the ice is rather erotic, I’d suspect.
LeNoceur: Somewhat like coming onto a glass tabletop, but colder
Reasonable Doubt: I’d suspect it’d be cold. And be careful, otherwise you have a tongue stuck to a lamp post moment.

1:56 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: Dino Ciccerelli probably knows all about coming on the ice.
Reasonable Doubt: The Sabres coaching staff are in high school letter jackets.
Reasonable Doubt: That’s badass.
Weed Against Speed: *Ciccarelli
Weed Against Speed: They should take all that snow and make Italian Ices.
Reasonable Doubt: Says the guy who just made a Dino Ciccarelli crack.
Raskolnikov: Put some fucking gloves on, man
Reasonable Doubt: The day I trade HDTV for the chance to watch hockey on my Crackberry, please shoot me.
LeNoceur: How Dino isn’t in the Hall of Fame, I just don’t know
LeNoceur: Wait, yes I do.
Reasonable Doubt: He’s in there.
Reasonable Doubt: He bought a ticket just last week.
Reasonable Doubt: He’s hiding in the handicapped stall.
Weed Against Speed: This game is having more stoppages than an Eddie Griffin cross country road trip.
Hextall: Is Gary Roberts dressed for this game?
Hextall: wait…that came out wrong.
Reasonable Doubt: I was just going to let that hang in the air.
Weed Against Speed: Dino got in some trouble when he was playing for the North Stars for going out and getting his newspaper with no clothes on.
Reasonable Doubt: So in this day and age…with all our advanced technology….
Reasonable Doubt: All we have to fix a chunk in the ice is a water bottle and compressed air?
Weed Against Speed: This game will be over about 7:00 p.m.
Reasonable Doubt: Poor Ryan Miller.
Reasonable Doubt: Bro looks frigid.
LeNoceur: That’s what she said?

2:00 PM EST Update –

Reasonable Doubt: Swing and a miss!
Raskolnikov: One timers on choppy ice, great idea guys
Hextall: Isn’t Tremblay at this game?
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, he’s going to be checking in via e-mail.
Weed Against Speed: Off the post!
Reasonable Doubt: If he hasn’t suffered frostbite yet
Weed Against Speed: Goal!!!
Reasonable Doubt: WOW! Nice save!
Weed Against Speed: No goal. Whoops.
Hextall: You sit on a throne of lies.
Reasonable Doubt: Crosby swung at the puck like he was going for a ground rule double.
Reasonable Doubt: One sec…I gotta back that up on the DVR

2:08 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: I sit on an Angry Chair.
Reasonable Doubt: That was a badass save.
Reasonable Doubt: Conklin tipped the puck with his glove and it bounced off the crossbar
Weed Against Speed: Foreigner…clever.
Reasonable Doubt: The rise at the center of the field is the only thing nine inches in Buffalo.
Weed Against Speed: That’s what she said (third time).
Reasonable Doubt: So was the moral of that story that the Staal brothers have a snow thief for a Dad?
Reasonable Doubt: “Wood is good”?
Raskolnikov: Wood is good
Reasonable Doubt: Seriously?
Weed Against Speed: Wood, Jerry – wood.
Reasonable Doubt: We here at MYFO thank NBC for providing us with this material.
Weed Against Speed: If only Bill Clement were still alive…
Hextall: I miss him.
Raskolnikov: Edzo is full of great material
Reasonable Doubt: 1st period is over, guys…go thaw out.

End of the 1st period – Penguins 1 — Sabres 0

2:24 PM EST Update – Intermission
Weed Against Speed: Shot time! Tip o’ the glass to you all.
Hextall: <- drinks
Reasonable Doubt: I’m truly amazed we have commenters that are awake right now.
Reasonable Doubt: God bless you folks for following along.
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, the snow has stopped–now the wind will start.
Raskolnikov: Oh god, here come the cliches.
Weed Against Speed: I think that one movie with D.B. Sweeney as a former hockey phenom is a far superior hockey movie. What?
Reasonable Doubt: Toe pick!
Reasonable Doubt: Bob Costas in 1973…
Weed Against Speed: Is Costas wearing a rug? Seriously, it looks like it.
Raskolnikov: Bob looked like Paul Banks
Reasonable Doubt: Yes. Yes he is.
Raskolnikov: it’s a bad dye job
Weed Against Speed: His son Kirby has a great head of hair.
Reasonable Doubt: Is it bad that I’m pumped for the new American Gladiators?
Raskolnikov: You and my little brothers
Reasonable Doubt: Ha Ha Ha–there’s an ice cream man driving around the neighborhood.
Reasonable Doubt: And he’s getting business.
Raskolnikov: Little kids are licking his cone?
Weed Against Speed: There’s a car driving around my neighborhood selling chili (not really).
Reasonable Doubt: If they are, I’ll probably be getting a phone call tomorrow.
Hextall: In-Game Update: The Capital One Bowl is warmer.
Weed Against Speed: What’s in your wallet??
Reasonable Doubt: You have to hand it to the people who promote FloMax
Reasonable Doubt: Whenever I hear “You may have a decrease in semen”, I look to see what’s going on.
Raskolnikov: FloMax: the official sponsor of the Dave Matthews tour bus
Weed Against Speed: RD, if you take too much, it’s just a puff a smoke that comes out.
Reasonable Doubt: That actually sounds kind of cool.
Reasonable Doubt: If my girlfriend can learn to blow smoke rings, I think we could make some money off this idea.

2:33 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: Correct! Speaking of smoke, is it time for the hookah?
Reasonable Doubt: Is that the victory dance Hawaii does?
Reasonable Doubt: You know, for a guy with one ball, Lance Armstrong sure does like to yell a lot.
Weed Against Speed: He can get pretty teste at times.
Hextall: Is this Bourne Identity music?
Reasonable Doubt: Yes.
Reasonable Doubt: I like it better than using the Departed soundtrack for the Pats game.
Hextall: Hy, the Dropkick Murphys were
Hextall: ‘s Artist of the Month in October.
Reasonable Doubt: Who was it in November?
Weed Against Speed: “Is this…Barry Melrose’s music?!?”
Weed Against Speed: All tied up.
Reasonable Doubt: SCOOOOOOOOOORE
Reasonable Doubt: Brian Fucking Campbell!
Hextall: Somewhere in South Jersey, RJ Umberger just looked over his shoulder.
Reasonable Doubt: And in Philly, Danny Breieierererereerr just started another entry in his diary.
Weed Against Speed: …listening to the Arcade Fire.
Hextall: Ever notice when someone comments on a post some two months after it’s written?
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, those are always funny.
Weed Against Speed: What’s up with that? Usually it’s just someone telling us we suck.
Reasonable Doubt: Like when you’re in a bar, and someone is sitting all alone screams something random.
Reasonable Doubt: Everyone kind of looks…shakes their head…and goes back to what they’re doing.
Raskolnikov: Darren, why would you take off your toque? It’s not like you have any hair to keep your head warm

2:42 PM EST Update –
Weed Against Speed: Laraque means “the Rock” in French. Or it doesn’t.
Reasonable Doubt: F’n A, Cotton! F’n A!
Raskolnikov: raquer = to pay
Raskolnikov: pierre = stone
Weed Against Speed: What is that, RD? Brain freeze going on here.
Reasonable Doubt: Dodgeball.
Weed Against Speed: Thank you, sir.
Reasonable Doubt: I’ve taken to saying that every time I hear something insightful.
Hextall: Did you say it when your were on tv?
Reasonable Doubt: It was Court TV. Nothing insightful is ever said there.
Reasonable Doubt: The plywood all over the field is classy
Hextall: Wood is good.
Reasonable Doubt: Oh, before I forget? Fuck the Penguins.
Weed Against Speed: CourtTV is now RealTv or something, right?
Reasonable Doubt: I haven’t said that in a while.
Reasonable Doubt: I think they flipped to TruTV starting today.
Raskolnikov: In case you haven’t noticed, there is a hockey game we’re trying to liveblog here, detectives.
Weed Against Speed: Ah jeez.
Reasonable Doubt: That answers your question–Roberts is not dressed for this game
Reasonable Doubt: When they start playing hockey, I’ll liveblog it. Now it’s just laboring up and down the ice and seeing who dies first.

2:55 PM EST Update –

Raskolnikov: Teppo Numminen may (anytime now)
Reasonable Doubt: Brady Quinn does not seem like someone you want as your spokesman for an exercise drink.
Raskolnikov: Liam Neeson got really fat
Reasonable Doubt: Let’s get physical!
Weed Against Speed: Brady also endorses Mountain Spew.
Reasonable Doubt: Physical!
Reasonable Doubt: I’ve seen Michigan State.
Reasonable Doubt: I’ve been to Michigan State.
Reasonable Doubt: It does not cast a shadow.
Weed Against Speed: Not to be outdone, the Rochester Epees are having an outdoor game against the Harrisburg Sea Lions.
Reasonable Doubt: Go Harrisburg!
Reasonable Doubt: What the fuck is an Epee?
Reasonable Doubt: Is that one of the swords you use for fencing?
Weed Against Speed: Yes yes.
Reasonable Doubt: Best. Mascot. Ever.
Reasonable Doubt: Didn’t this fucker say the snow was going to stop in the second period?
Raskolnikov: Meteorologist = Comm major who talks about the weather
Weed Against Speed: That’s a weatherman for you. If I want to know the weather, I’ll stick my head out the window. –Elaine’s dad
Reasonable Doubt: The refs jumping out of the way like little girls may be the funniest thing about this entire game
Reasonable Doubt: Roll Out the Barrels?
Raskolnikov: snow grains? I’ve never heard of that in my life.
Raskolnikov: That sounds like something Kevin Stevens would be interested in
LeNoceur: I’m back. Did I miss anything?
Reasonable Doubt: A nice goal and a lot of pucks ringing off the crossbar.
Weed Against Speed: Also a fascinating discussion of basic cable.
Reasonable Doubt: When the puck can’t even make it down to the end for an icing call, that’s a LOT of snow on the ice.

3:00 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: The game does seem to be opening up a bit.
Reasonable Doubt: We’ll take care of that in about two minutes
Reasonable Doubt: Jeez, that was a whole lot of nothing.
Weed Against Speed: Hey, have you guys read any good books lately?
Raskolnikov: Two shots? Guhhh
Weed Against Speed: Cinnamon Girl thinks hockey is an awesome sport. Just wanted to throw that one out there. Must be a true fan.
Reasonable Doubt: I hear God Save the Fan is a good read.
LeNoceur: I recently finished Dan Simmons’ Hyperion Chronicles. /geek
Reasonable Doubt: (Hey Will, that check can be made out to Reasonable Doubt, care of…we’ll talk later)

End of 2nd Period — Penguins 1 – Sabres 1

3:13 PM EST Update –
Reasonable Doubt: Any bets on what filler NBC is going to play during the intermission?
Reasonable Doubt: Last time, we had Slapshot clips and Bob Costas in the 70s pictures
Reasonable Doubt: Mystery Alaska clips?
Raskolnikov: It’s the Flex schedule game announcement
Reasonable Doubt: Golden Jesus, Sidney Crosby!
Weed Against Speed: The new NHL is all about speed.
Reasonable Doubt: And cocaine.
Weed Against Speed: Time for champagne! Salute!
Reasonable Doubt: FIGHT!!!
Reasonable Doubt: Okay, Crosby’s fight was cool? But it was no Bobby Orr.
Weed Against Speed: Sidney Crosby is going to fight Derek Boogaard on the undercard of Wrestlemania 30, or 40, or whatever it is on now.
Weed Against Speed: Did Hex pass out?
Reasonable Doubt: Entirely possible.
Hextall: I am here.
Hextall: Can I blame it on Nibbles?
Reasonable Doubt: Sure
The Ordinary Seaman has joined the conference.

Reasonable Doubt: Welcome to the party, Seaman.
The Ordinary Seaman: thx. sorry I’m late. fuckin’ tequila.
Weed Against Speed: Hey Seaman!
Reasonable Doubt: Heh–he’s coming in Costas’ lodge
Weed Against Speed: Usually that costs you an extra flex game.
Hextall: I’m convinced that Mike Milbury = Jim Kelly.
The Ordinary Seaman: Yo! Goddamn, they’ve got a weatherman on. Look at miniCostas. That dude is the size of a booger.
Weed Against Speed: Mike Milbury > Stephon Marbury
Weed Against Speed: Local H – nice.
The Ordinary Seaman: yes…the shoe beatin’ highlights!

3:22 PM EST Update-

Weed Against Speed: Bob Costas has more makeup on than Liza Minnelli at a gay pride parade.
Weed Against Speed: Jay Leno without writers. He’s actually going to punch Kevin Eubanks and that’s it for the whole episode.
Reasonable Doubt: That’s right, folks. 0 shots on goal in the 2nd for Pitt.
Reasonable Doubt: Your offense of the future!
LeNoceur: That’s what speed will do for you.
Reasonable Doubt: And AMP Energy
Reasonable Doubt: AMP Yourself!
Weed Against Speed: After you have sufficiently AMPed, be sure to secure your home with ADT.
Reasonable Doubt: And grab a heinie
The Ordinary Seaman: At the 5-inute mark, both teams will chug from the flask in Therrien’s coat pocket.
LeNoceur: That’s not a flask!
Reasonable Doubt: …it’s not?
Reasonable Doubt: :(

3:28 PM EST Update –

The Ordinary Seaman: I love how this game has turned all the commentators into weathermen. It’s snowing! It stopped! It’s cold!
Weed Against Speed: This could be an exciting period of hockey! — Dick Enberg
Reasonable Doubt: Conklin has a disturbing habit of flipping the puck to the other team.
Hextall: Sidney Crosby is going to be some player — Peter King
Raskolnikov: The snow, like Leon, is getting larger
The Ordinary Seaman: G-R-A-I-N-S!
Reasonable Doubt: Allllllmost
Reasonable Doubt: Is the normal camera covered in snow?
LeNoceur: They should start awarding points for carrying the puck in deep and sort of getting near the goal.
Weed Against Speed: Touche. Actually this is pretty good coverage – great angle.
Reasonable Doubt: Swing and a miss!
The Ordinary Seaman: What a kick! Oh, sorry, that was the Capital One Bowl.
Reasonable Doubt: Nice spin move by Crosby.

3:36 PM EST Update –

Weed Against Speed: Garth Snow likes the weather. And young boys.
LeNoceur: He spins, he juggles…look out Cirque du Soleil
Reasonable Doubt: Party on, Weed!
Weed Against Speed: Party on, RD. Okay.
Reasonable Doubt: EXTREME LIVEBLOG!
Hextall: Did Neil Patrick Harris just steal my car?
Reasonable Doubt: Side note during commercial: How I Met Your Mother is the best show in America
Weed Against Speed: That or he tried to give you a hand job.
Raskolnikov: does Bud Light provide 18 year old coeds like Hamm’s?
Hextall: So at 10 minutes, does everyone have to stop on a dime??
Reasonable Doubt: I guess so.
The Ordinary Seaman: Actually, they stop on a loonie. Sorry.
Reasonable Doubt: If 18 year old co-eds are promised, I’ll start drinking again.
LeNoceur: I’m not sure even 18-year-old coed could get me to drink Bud Light
Weed Against Speed: Everything stops when that Morganna lady or whatever her name is runs out on the ice and kisses Sid.
Reasonable Doubt: Crosby is looking like a cross between the kid from Scrubs and Napoleon Dynamite right now.
Hextall: Turk?
Weed Against Speed: You gotta love a little Commadores.
Reasonable Doubt: That may not have been the worst segueway ever…but it’s close.
Reasonable Doubt: Yes. Turk.
Raskolnikov: oh lovely
The Ordinary Seaman: oh shit..technical issues!
Reasonable Doubt: …
Hextall: Darren Pang is now filing reports over a CB radio.
LeNoceur: You’ll be happy to know that the Pens radio feed is working fine.
Reasonable Doubt: Heh
LeNoceur: And it still sucks.
The Ordinary Seaman: Well, Pang has a face for radio.
Raskolnikov: no more toque? Boooooo
Hextall: 50 dollars of beer?
Weed Against Speed: In a half hour, they will be switching over to “Seal’s Dancing on Ice”.
Raskolnikov: 50 dollars a beer
Reasonable Doubt: Some douche paid 400 bucks for those tickets?
Hextall: With ten minutes left, the NHL will release 2 polar bears onto the ice.

Mid-3rd Period Intermission

3:45 PM EST Update –
Weed Against Speed: I work as hard as Brady Quinn because I’m the backup Controller at my job.
Weed Against Speed: “the first cut is the deepest” when they are removing one of your testicles.
Reasonable Doubt: Or when you’re plugging an Olsen twin.
The Ordinary Seaman: I went to a Bills game a few years ago and, no joke, OJ showed up. So have Rob Ramage or Rick Tocchet made an appearance yet?
Reasonable Doubt: You were in the same building as OJ?
Reasonable Doubt: And he didn’t turn you into a Pez dispenser?
LeNoceur: He wasn’t a waiter holding sunglasses
The Ordinary Seaman: My sister started screaming “MURDERER” while other people asked for autographs.
Reasonable Doubt: Niiiiiiice.
The Ordinary Seaman: It’s a celebration bitches!
Raskolnikov: oh no
Raskolnikov: I didn’t know that Edzo was going bald
Raskolnikov: how is Dapper Dan going to continue?
The Ordinary Seaman: Why is the Crypt Keeper standing next to Olczyk?
Reasonable Doubt: LIVIN ON A PRAYER
Weed Against Speed: Bon Jovi?
LeNoceur: I am comforted to know the whereabouts of the other Zamboni
Reasonable Doubt: Unless you want to start naming bands out of Buffalo….
Weed Against Speed: Goo Goo Dolls…NO!!!
Reasonable Doubt: I was sleepless wondering if Sidney Crosby’s ass would be heated by the bench.
The Ordinary Seaman: In Russia, Zamboni drives you!!!
Reasonable Doubt: (Leaving that joke hanging for you girls in the comment section)

3:57 PM EST Update –
Raskolnikov: that’s not a toque
Weed Against Speed: Miller looks like Alice the Goon.
LeNoceur: Darren Pang=Eugene the Jeep?
Reasonable Doubt: Conklin flips the puck to the other team again.
Weed Against Speed: “Who wants to play my organ?” — Don Cherry
Weed Against Speed: If this game ends up in a shootout, will the goalies be able to make a snow fort around the goal?
Reasonable Doubt: How did the net come loose on the far end?
Reasonable Doubt: Was Conklin rubbing one out and lost his balance?
Hextall: Ok, everybody hug!
The Ordinary Seaman: “you carry your sunshine with you.” Jesus, this just turned into the Care Bears Classic.
Raskolnikov: That’s a Richard Pryor line
Reasonable Doubt: There are wayyyy too many thinly veiled drug references in the NHL these days
Hextall: Pot-vin?
Reasonable Doubt: BRUINS!
Reasonable Doubt: RANGERS!
The Ordinary Seaman: Conkaine
Raskolnikov: You should be so lucky to watch me, cockknockers. /Sean Avery
Reasonable Doubt: Cha-ching! Trademark rights!
Weed Against Speed: There is a guy coming up through the ranks named Stinchay Kyndbud.
Reasonable Doubt: Odds that they flip to Seal in five minutes? Anyone?
Weed Against Speed: That’s what I thought, RD.

4:03 PM EST Update –
Hextall: That yellow tank is filled with AMP.
Raskolnikov: Just put a landmine on that spot and tell the players to skate there at their own risk
Weed Against Speed: I thought it was filled with wing sauce…interesting.
Reasonable Doubt: Is that organ playing the theme to “American Bandstand”?
The Ordinary Seaman: yes, it is. wow.
Reasonable Doubt: That’s the way to pump up the crowd.
Weed Against Speed: RD is already having nightmares about Dick Clark – lay off NBC.
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, watching Dick Clark in HD gave me nightmares.
Reasonable Doubt: I sounded like Groundskeeper Willy — ARRRGH! ZOMBIES!!!
The Ordinary Seaman: I’d like to see him and Dick Enberg call a game together.
LeNoceur: One more old Dick and you’d have a lemon party
Weed Against Speed: And Lou Holtz on the sidelines, Seaman.
Reasonable Doubt: Fuck all of you.
The Ordinary Seaman: Fuck yeah, a senility troika with Holtz
The Ordinary Seaman: Men, today is a big day…I just crapped myself — Lou Holtz Peptalk

4:12 PM EST Update –
Weed Against Speed: “You can throw out the first 77 minutes. The final three may decide this game!” –shortstack52284
Hextall: lin-dy?
LeNoceur: You are a true…something…if you actually get shortstack’s digit’s correct. Kudos, Weed.
Reasonable Doubt: “Whoever scores next could win this game.” – CrosbyFan8787
Weed Against Speed: What the fuck did I just write? Moron. How about 57 minutes…shit.
Reasonable Doubt: It added to the schtick.
Reasonable Doubt: Of course this game is going to overtime. Why wouldn’t it?
Hextall: Because Gary Bettman hates Seal.
LeNoceur: Is he Canadian? I thought he was English.
Reasonable Doubt: Hey guys! Is it going to keep snowing or not?
Reasonable Doubt: They need to let us know this shit
LeNoceur: I need a windchill update, stat.
Reasonable Doubt: I’ve never gotten a Christmas card from a hockey team.
The Ordinary Seaman: Have there been any penalties in this game?
Reasonable Doubt: (HINT! MOTHERFUCKING HINT!!!)
Reasonable Doubt: A couple early, but none this period
Raskolnikov: Someone put Doc’s balls in a vice
Reasonable Doubt: CONKLIN!
The Ordinary Seaman: PENALTY!
Hextall: Jesus, pardon him for his sins.
The Ordinary Seaman: he tugged ’em alright! Tugnut!
Hextall: Bad news: hooking penalty
Reasonable Doubt: And we’re headed to OverTIme
Hextall: Good news: hot cocoa in the penalty box
The Ordinary Seaman: Atta boy, refs. Time to take this game out of the hands of the players.
Weed Against Speed: From now on, please call me Panger. Please don’t.

End of Regulation Time — Penguins 1 – Sabres 1

4:22 PM EST Update –
Raskolnikov: Mucus makes the ice faster.
The Ordinary Seaman: Mad Mike is having a brain melt.
The Ordinary Seaman: Meanwhile, Doc and Eddie are in love.
Reasonable Doubt: Oh, this has to go to a shootout.
Reasonable Doubt: There’s no other way for this to end.
Raskolnikov: he had that for 10 years on Long Island
The Ordinary Seaman: Zing!
LeNoceur: They have liberated the second Zamboni. Thank God.
Reasonable Doubt: You can really tell Costas is working without a script.
Reasonable Doubt: Hex’s column yesterday may not have been too far off.
Hextall: It’s truth because I write it.
Reasonable Doubt: Yes! That’s what we need!
Reasonable Doubt: A weather update!
Weed Against Speed: Hex may very well be the seer of puck.
Weed Against Speed: Nice passes across the grain.
Reasonable Doubt: Pittsburgh hasn’t successfully cleared a puck all day until just now
Reasonable Doubt: FIGHT
Reasonable Doubt: FIGHT
Reasonable Doubt: FIGHT
Weed Against Speed: Chippy.

4:28 PM EST Update –

Reasonable Doubt: All things aside, this hasn’t been a horrible game.
Weed Against Speed: I agree. I hope all 198 people that are watching the game are enjoying it. Fucking shame.
Reasonable Doubt: Conklin may be the luckiest son of a bitch in the league right now.
Raskolnikov: Conklin was masturbating again
The Ordinary Seaman: It’s a good game, but it’s no Brian Boitano skating to Kiss From A Rose.
Hextall: Is ti a good or bad thing to be the backup goalie in this game?
Weed Against Speed: We all get a little crazy, Seaman.
Raskolnikov: good
Reasonable Doubt: Very good
Raskolnikov: you sit on a heated bench
Reasonable Doubt: With your toque
LeNoceur: I am picking Kotalik to have the shootout winner.
Weed Against Speed: Sitting on a heated bench could lower your sperm count, which is good if you’re an NBA player.
The Ordinary Seaman: Maybe a shootout he says, with 12 seconds left.
Weed Against Speed: SHOOTOUT
Reasonable Doubt: Yeah, but you get that from Flomax, too.
Reasonable Doubt: SHOOTOUT!!!!!!!!!!!
The Ordinary Seaman: Sweet.

End of Overtime. Shootout ahead.

4:35 PM EST Update –

Hextall: I say Vanek
The Ordinary Seaman: I think the shootout is going to go forever.
Raskolnikov: Kris Letang
Weed Against Speed: Vanek, definitley. Cuz he didn’t play for the Gophers. –some moron commenting on the Garth Snow post.
Reasonable Doubt: Golden Jesus will score the winner.
Reasonable Doubt: Because everything is a conspiracy.
Weed Against Speed: How many women will be impregnated tonight in Buffalo? I say 99.
The Ordinary Seaman: How many of them will be attractive? 0
Reasonable Doubt: Crosby is about to have the hockey equivilent of a throwgasm.
Reasonable Doubt: KOTALIK SCORES!
Weed Against Speed: Kotalik.
LeNoceur: woohoo
Hextall: It would have helped if Conklin had played outdoors before.
Reasonable Doubt: Ty Conklin remembered he’s Ty Conklin.
Weed Against Speed: Conklin’s a pussy.
Weed Against Speed: Weak shot by Connelly.
The Ordinary Seaman: yup
The Ordinary Seaman: oooh, letang
Reasonable Doubt: SCORE!
Raskolnikov: I thought he’d be the closer
Weed Against Speed: Nice.
LeNoceur: fuck you Kris Letang
The Ordinary Seaman: big save
Hextall: Didn’t you hear? Will canceled the Closer.
Weed Against Speed: Stoned, just like me.
Reasonable Doubt: Afino stoned!
Hextall: JESUS!
Reasonable Doubt: GOLDEN JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
The Ordinary Seaman: how did that go in? it was in slow motion.
Weed Against Speed: Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111


Apparently, according to Darren Pang, it feels good to score between the legs. Thanks for hanging in there with us, everyone. Happy New Year! Go drink some more!



  1. ooh, a liveblog! hooray!

  2. a Charlie Chaplin reference! this is gonna be TIGHT yo.
    seriously, my head hurts.
    I need you guys.

  3. are they gonna bring Ronan out in between periods to fuck up the Pens’ game somehow?

  4. Sidney! Oh Sidney, man that I love… stand beside him…

  5. whats up with the decision to roll with god bless america instead of the anthem?

  6. @georger-
    one of the Steinbrenners has to be involved somehow.

  7. ive got a feeling hull got fired from nbc because of this game, they couldnt chance him tailgating all morning and making a spectacle of himself on national television

    and what the hell does ‘theyre used to 21,000 fans’ mean? the hsbc and mellon are 18 and 17 capacity respectively, thats not even close to making sense

  8. um, yeah, I’d prefer you cease reminding me that Sidney was born in ’87. it makes me feel old and dirty.

  9. We were supposed to receive updates from twoeightnine today, but his phone died. twoeightnine is alive and his phone is dead. I figured it would be the other way around.

  10. wow i had no idea malone was the first player ever from the burgh. ive never heard that mentioned on fsn pittsburgh and they love crap like that, i feel let down

    becky it may make you feel better or worse, but sid’s dad is only 41 and not too bad looking himself. and im not gay.

  11. With all the breaks in this game, I’m kind of surprised they can play at all.

  12. btw, there are rumors of a pens/flyers game at beaver stadium next year. i wouldnt be shocked if they could come close to selling all 106k for that.

  13. Georger – Malone was just behind me in school, so yeah, he’s all suburban Pittsburgh. His dad worked for the Pens as a talent scout I believe.

    Becky – Sidney is so much man I refuse to think about his age. Ever.

  14. yep good ole greg malone, i just figured there had to have been an nhl’er from pittsburgh before him, seems kind of odd.

  15. granted, could be explained by the fact that youth hockey didnt really come about until mario arrived

  16. Georger – Keep your eyes out for Dylan Reese, also from the same program as Ryan.

  17. same program upper saint clair, or same program shattuck?

  18. USC.

  19. i think i remember reading about him in the trib a while back, rangers prospect right?

    theres a kid playing for phoenix named bill thomas from fox chapel thats my age .. yeah ive got nothing

  20. georger, I was just in Thunder Bay, and a guy I worked with coached a goalie who was scored on by the youngest Staal.

    Or something like that.

  21. yeah the youngest one is supposed to be great

    to summarize theriens intermission speech “alright guys weve got this locked up, go into a shell and dont clear the puck worth shit, trust me it will work”

  22. Georger – Ya. He’s the captain of the Harvard team now.

    Fucking line change.

  23. Soccer logic?

  24. exactly. theyve done that almost every time theyve come into a new period with a lead. probably the worst team in the league at clearing the puck, absolutely infuritating

  25. ryan miller, the lost mcpoyle brother?

  26. Conklin should be so happy there is so much post today…

  27. Conklin should be so happy there is so much post today…

  28. ugh. i mean youd think with the KILLER acquisition of adam hall this team would have some offensive prowess. i hope shero crashes his car in this snow.

    would it really be too much to ask to kill adam hall, give his knee ligaments to mark eaton, and his ankles to talbot and fleury?

  29. “Has Sidney Crosby lived up to the billing as the Next One?”

    This should be entertaining. I’d say no, but only because I expected him to have wings and score every third time he touches the puck the way he was hyped.

    Otherwise, I think he is definitely no Lindros.

  30. guess its not enough for him to be the youngest ever to win the scoring title and mvp.
    the move he made through the air should answer any questions about his ability. now if he were given a real winger on his line god knows what would happen. if they dont move for marion hossa, they wont make the playoffs

  31. So they switch again halfway in this period? Lamest plan ever…

  32. TSW – Didn’t they say it was for safety, so no one has to go against the wind longer?

    georger – I think he has done everything one could expect to be humanly possible. But the way the NHL and some fans talked him up, the bar was set at 18 on a scale of 10. He’s “only” been a 15 or so. I saw him once, and just… wow.

    And what’s the playoffs? Hawks fan here…

  33. fair enough.
    i hate the comparisons to gretz. sid isnt a bitch and doesnt have hall of famers on his line. crosby will go down as the most complete player the game has ever seen

  34. Good God, I miss Gary Roberts already. He would never allow his team to have no shots in a period. Gary’s the kind of guy that would play shirtless in this game.

  35. Bang up job, NBC – “We’ll fix the graphic we showed, Pittsburgh did get two shots on goal.”

    Graphic up… nope, still wrong.

  36. this is the kind of game roberts and talbot are perfect for, and that taffe and hall suck for
    just kidding hall and taffe suck for every game

  37. “the probing will continue”
    thank god

  38. Well this is certainly an odd camera angle. It’s like I’m playing NHL 2K8.

  39. I swear Tyler Kennedy is leading the team in ice time. Maybe Therrian has found his new man-crush now that Oulette is gone?

  40. oulett oulett teachers pet

  41. Is Crosby going to fight again?

  42. if hes physically capable of it, sid should grow a mustache

  43. The psuedo-playoff beard was ba….TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES NOOOO!

  44. does the nbc feed keep cutting out for anyone else?

  45. Yeah, the sound goes weird. They cut to just the stadium pic.

  46. i love that nbc makes a point in every game they cover of keeping us up on how many hits there have been when it is probably the most arbitrary stat in sports

  47. Bah. Such a momentum killer this switch.

  48. according to directv “the music of seal on ice” is coming up at four. twenty bucks says nbc flips to it

  49. Not that Pittsburgh really had any at this point.

  50. im out of deodorant and these commercials are really making me consider giving that clinical strength gillette a try, but im worried it will make my arms fall off

  51. by the way, third jerseys will be back next year but dont expect the penguins to have one (i mean theyre not the most marketable team or anything, putting out more jerseys would be RETARDED …), they wont have one until the new building opens IF then

  52. I’m just happy JS Aubin found some work, personally.

  53. True, but this kills so much of the flow.

    Quick aside – I know I’ve said many, many, many mean things about Ty over the years. I do however really like his new goal mask.

  54. yeah tsw its nice
    anything is better than sabourins regular helmet though, the creepy baby face on the side that looks like it got shot through the forehead because of the straphole

  55. wow ty conklin truly is the king of the tape to tape turnover

  56. im sorry, ive just cant be the only one here who is sick of the nostalgic ‘oh its just like when they were kids’ shit. thats great and all, but most of these guys have been playing in leagues since they were five and that shit isnt outdoors. just let it go nbc

  57. They mean when Darren Pang was a kid. Before rinks were invented.

  58. pang kinda looks like a shrunken down favre with that hat on

  59. Really, they should be using these breaks to highlight what is going on around the league this season.

  60. Just to spice things up, Conklin should throw on a Russian Fur Hat, or maybe a Raccoon Pelt hat.

  61. im sure theres a dbag in the crowd with one of those jester hats in pens colors, get him one of those

  62. It’s actually refreshing to not have Bob Errey commentating and creepily talking about Jordan Staal’s long stick.

  63. gonchar looks like hes wearing lots of rouge and lipstick

  64. A bucket of water and a man shoveling snow with his hands, retro indeed

  65. hahaha the long stick. my roommate and i have had many a laugh at that comment. also on the list of things they drive into the ground: workrate, ryan malone’s power move, changing the shooting angle, cobras, and talking about whits/orpik being from boston and scuderi being from long island

  66. man how much does it suck to be eddie O, watching sid play and thinking he could be coaching him. therrien isnt perfect, but man eddie was a shit coach. the poor mans constantine

  67. we now leave this coverage to bring you the music of seal on ice, for nbc im bob costas

  68. okay so youre allowed to impede someone by hooking them with your stick
    youd think there would be a penalty for hooking. waaaait a minute

  69. Stop with the weather reports. We’re not fucking blind.

  70. jesus that would NOT have been a penalty, it clearly hit the glass and the camera is over the ice, meaning it wasnt going over, it was coming back in. fucking idiot

  71. wow thats a dive, you have to call both players there.

  72. Oh fucking hell. That was called but …

  73. replay looks like he did just fall, thats unfortunate
    but if the hook on sid on a break isnt called and that one is with two seconds left, fucking come on


  75. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

  76. Holy fuck… C’mon Conklin…

  77. whistle isnt quick eddie if the ref loses sight, hes supposed to blow it, maybe its shit like that which explains why you were a terrible coach

  78. Ty Conklin, you magnificent bastard!

  79. Time for another Zamboni break?

  80. Wait what? They trade ends in OT too? WTF?

  81. buffalo should have won this about five times already


  83. TSW – im pretty sure its jean claude van damme

  84. Has any NHL team in history had a 3-way goalie controversy?

  85. once fleury is back theres no controversy, except maybe which goes back to WB between sabourin and conklin

  86. yay! shootout imo is the best thing for the nhl here, this is their showcase for the year and the shootout is the most exciting thing

  87. It had to. It had to end this way.

    Gary Bettman has a 4-foot erection.

  88. christensen – crosby – letang

  89. Can’t believe how nervous for this shootout.

  90. did he just say sid is their best shooter statistically? hes terrible in shootouts

  91. What? No Scuderi?

  92. I think either Sid or Malkin has the worst shootout % on the team.

  93. ty conklin is who we thought he was, ty conklin

    wtf crusher, WTF

  94. TANG!


  96. wow. hes made the same move in all four shootouts. im pretty sure the pens should have him at wing and give nasradaine his spot on d, letang is a better forward than at least four pens starters

  97. Sid to win it. Bettman couldn’t have fixed this any better.



  100. SID!!!!!

  101. good fucking job nbc jesus christ

  102. If I could get my arms around it, I would hug my TV right now. What a great game, despite all of the hitches with the ice and such.

  103. You fuck with Ty Conklin, you call down the thunder!

  104. If I could get my arms around it, I would hug my TV right now. What a great game, despite all of the hitches with the ice and such.

  105. seal is one of the music industries biggest stars? did we just time travel back to when the batman forever soundtrack was popular?

  106. Thanks for sticking around, guys and gals. We all appreciate it. Happy New Year to all…and enjoy Seal!

  107. “where Sid Crosby’s final outdoor goal lifted the Pens”

    sid crosby? final outdoor goal? good to see espn has bots writing their headlines

  108. this is fixed, can that go any more perfect? snow, outside, crosby winning the game… uck

  109. if you cant score two out of three times on ty fucking conklin youve got noone to blame but your shitty selves

  110. seal is a tool.. nice scarf.. dip sh**

  111. seal is one of the music industries biggest stars?

    Just when they said that is when I turned the channel just in time to see the Michigan TD.

    Good times guys. Time to go make my post for Ladies on the game.

  112. wow adebesi lost alot of weight and got a scarf

  113. this show with seal is the most embaressing thing ive ever seen//// whose going to sit here and seriously watch this… besides me

  114. this is certainly not amazing.

  115. did they really cancel the closer? i guess they just need extra space to make HILARIOUS jokes about brady quinn being gay and noone caring about soccer

  116. i only discovered this site from deadspin, im glad they had the nhl closer on there,

  117. Was Sam Roberts wearing long johns?

  118. @georger (couple of posts in one) “if hes physically capable of it, sid should grow a mustache” He’s tried before. It looks like he’s been eating dirt. And the NBC feed did keep screwin up for me too.

    Ryan Miller makes me want to drink Amp now. Apparently it makes you speak Finnish or whatever that language was at the end of the yo momma ad

  119. I hope the guys keep the Closer alive and well here. And I hope they (or someone) got to see the Koci-Ivanens fight in the Hawks-Kings game. I was listening to it while driving tonight on the Hawks broadcast, and it sounds like it was quite a doozy. Haven’t seen it yet though.

  120. Finally home at 12:45 am. Nothing like a little winter weather on I-79 to double your drive time. I’ll start writing in the morning.

    Great job with the liveblog and the comments, everybody. At least NBC gave you some distractions during the interminable ice maintenance breaks. I’ll have a Zamboni circling my brain for at least a month.

    Oh, and fuck AT&T Wireless sideways with a chainsaw. Not one single, solitary email made it through their piss-poor data stream at the Ralph. I think my Treo was inventing new error messages just to keep me occupied.

  121. JB, as luck would have it, I did see that fight, and will write about it later this week. If you’re a Hawks fan, you may not like it.

  122. […] – Melt Your Face Off had a sweet liveblog. […]

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