Welcome Back! (West Edition)

Welcome Back, Kotter

Welcome to the newest feature on MYFO: Welcome Back! We know there’s a lot of fans of football teams that have nothing to pay attention to anymore. Knowing that, they’re turning to other sports. We’re happy to help. Every time a football team’s season ends, we’ll welcome those fans back to the fold by giving them an update as to what that city’s team has been up to this year. Part III!

Welcome Back, Broncos Fans!

YOUR Colorado Avalanche are currently sitting in fourth place (21-16-3) yet are only three points out of first place in the highly-competitive Northwest Division. Paul Stastny leads the team with 44 points while team captain Joe Sakic is not having a banner year, according to his standards, as he is currently second to dead last on the team with a +/- of minus 6.  If the Avalanche can improve their play on the road (6-10-3), they have as good of a chance of staying in the division race and securing a spot in the playoffs as Dr. Van Nostrand has of detecting a developing case of melanoma during Mike Shanahan’s next dermatologist appointment. Finally, given the truly tragic season the Denver Broncos just went through, no player on the Avalanche has met an untimely demise yet this year, so that’s encouraging.

Welcome Back, Cardinals Fans (especially Will Leitch)!

YOUR Phoenix Coyotes have come on strong lately, going 6-3-1 over their past 10 games to bump their season record to 19-18-1, good enough for fourth place and out of the cellar in the Pacific Division, where the lowly Los Angeles Kings currently have taken the role of squatters. If the Coyotes want to find a way into the playoffs, the one thing they need to improve on is their play at home, where they are a miserable 6-10-1 at the horribly-named Jobing.com Arena. I suggest trying to keep the playing surface entirely frozen – that may do the trick, but that might just be me. Overall, with Wayne Gretzky’s coaching and Janet Gretzky’s insider information on the NFL playoffs, the tide may finally be turning for the Coyotes. Either way, when your football team is the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals, Coyotes fans should just be relieved that team-leader in points Shane Doan (33) hasn’t knocked-up an ASU women’s basketball player yet.

Welcome Back, Vikings Fans!

YOUR Minnesota Wild are presently sitting at 22-15-2 (46 pts) which puts them in third place in the Northwest Division standings, one point better than the aforementioned Avalanche and two points behind division-leader Vancouver Canucks. Their record is good enough to be right in the meaty part of the standings – not showing off, not falling behind. The Wild started the season off red-hot, waiting until their ninth game before losing for the first time in regulation. Things fell off a bit after that, which can mostly be attributed to S.W.G.S. (Slovakian Weak Groin Syndrome) which took out stars Marian Gaborik and Pavol Demitra. Wes Walz’s disappearance and subsequent retirement didn’t help matters, nor did Mikko Koivu inexplicably getting his leg in the way of the harmless stick-swinging by all-around good guy Mattias Ohlund. Finally, MYFO favorite Derek Boogaard has been out of the lineup with back spasms. C’mon back, Boogey, we miss you! Enjoy the season, Wild fans, for a deep playoff run could be in your future. If not, Purple Jesus will rise once more and make things right again in the “Land of 10,000 Lakes” come August. 

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2 Comments

  1. f not, Purple Jesus will rise once more and make things right again in the “Land of 10,000 Lakes” come August.

    I freaking LOVE Purple Jesus. It’s one of those drinks that you don’t taste the alcohol until you’ve had like 6 or 7 and it hits you like a brick wall. Oh wait, Football Purple Jesus, not Grape kool aid and Vodka/Alcool? Never mind, then.

  2. He can read!


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