Welcome Back! (Central Edition)

Go Into the Light

Welcome to the newest feature on MYFO: Welcome Back! We know there’s a lot of fans of football teams that have nothing to pay attention to anymore. Knowing that, they’re turning to other sports. We’re happy to help. Every time a football team’s season ends, we’ll welcome those fans back to the fold by giving them an update as to what that city’s team has been up to this year.

Welcome back, Rams fans!

YOUR St. Louis Blues welcome back Rams fans with open arms. Actually, since most Rams fans stopped watching that godawful mess in mid-October, you probably already know what’s going on with the Blues. But just in case you are one of those long-lost fans who have been out of touch since the lockout, here’s the scoop. The Blues are respectable again! They have some intriguing young players in David Perron and Erik Johnson, a capable goaltender in Manny Legace, and bright prospects on the horizon in T.J. Oshie, Marek Schwarz and Patrick Berglund. On the down side, Barrett Jackman has made his annual trip to the IR, and he hasn’t even hurt his shoulder yet. Bryce Salvador is the best non-rookie defenseman on the team. Oh, and they have scored the fewest goals in the Western Conference. Nonetheless, a return to the playoffs (with a likely first-round exit to Detroit) is a realistic possibility.

Welcome back, Bears fans!

YOUR Chicago Blackhawks don’t suck nearly as much as they have in recent seasons, at least on the ice. Jonathan Toews (rhymes with Craves) and Patrick Kane (rhymes with Cane) are the teenage tandem leading the Hawks. Although they lack the ability to transform into animals or forms of water, these Wonder Twins can score goals in bunches. God help the Hawks if Nikolai Khabibulin is ever injured, as his backup is Patrick Lalime (rhymes with Porous). You get bonus points if you are a newly-returning Blackhawks fan and can properly pronounce Dustin Byfuglien’s last name without a handy rhyming aid.

Welcome back, Lions fans!

YOUR Detroit Red Wings are a great team, damn them to hell. Tomas Holmstrom is a machine. Pavel Datsyuk is an artist. Henrik Zetterberg is a cold-hearted Swedish sniper. Nick Lidstrom is still one of the best in the game. Chris Chelios apparently finished the expedition that Ponce DeLeon started. Kris Draper and Kirk Maltby are still bitches (that I would love to have on my team). And Chris Fucking Osgood is outplaying Dominik Hasek and putting up Vezina numbers. To put it into perspective for you Lions fans: enjoy watching the Patriots of the NHL. Oh, and fuck you.

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9 Comments

  1. During the last home game for the Rams, a Thursday night affair against the Steely McBeams, the Blues hosted a soldout win over the Red Wings. Down the street, nearly half of those in attendance at the Edward Jones Dome were wearing black and gold and had terrible towels.

    Trust me, Rams fans had moved on to the Blues long before.

  2. It would not be surprising in the least if all of the Rams home games are blacked out in 2008. They are a sorry sack of shit.

  3. i dont know if anyone else gets the nhl network, and i dont know why i do, but im watching the usa/canada game right now and tavares is wearing a cage, which isnt required in the juniors. only see like one other guy wearing one, so im going to go ahead and assume hes a bitch

  4. does espn own tsn or the nhl network? they have a sportscenter in game guy in the studio for the intermission, this is really weird. the tsn announcers are pretty good.
    and i still like the idea of switching to international ice, possibly just because theres no way sid could be stopped on it

  5. Patrick Lalime (rhymes with Porous). That’s one reason I love this site–I would have gone with the easy LaLAME swipe, but you made the extra effort. Nice

  6. georger–

    This confused me at first, too. But NHL Network is picking up the feed from TSN, Canada’s version of ESPN. They have a “SportsCentre” (look at the spelling closely next time it pops on) between periods. That’s what you’re seeing.

  7. good call, that would explain why i didnt recognize the guy.
    usa is getting bleeped, all these too many men penalties id swear therrien was their coach

  8. wow meltdown city, unless fleury is playing i dont see the usa coming back. nice tourney kids, good luck in the bronze game

  9. Cages are not required in Junior in Canada, but in international games anyone under 18 (Tavares & Stamkos for Canada) has to wear one. Other cage wearing notables from Canada’s victims this year were Schroeder from the US and Hedman, Paarjarvi, and one of the Berglund’s for Sweden. Johnny T will be back in his visor tonight for Oshawa.


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