NHL All-Star Rosters: Fuck You, Detroit.

So the NHL Rosters are out. Who made the cut? Who just barely got shafted out of that coveted starter position, and the contract bonus it comes with? Follow me through the jump and we’ll see which of the rim jobbers in the Motor City made the list, depriving good, hardworking men of a spot on the roster.

On the East Side, graced with the presence of our lord and savior, Sidney Crosby, will be Tampa’s Vinny Lecavalier¬† and Ottawa’s Alfreddson on the front side, with Markov and Chara on the back end, with Martin “Lights Out” Brodeur. The top vote-getters not starting ended up being Ovechkin and Danny Briierererererer and his Emo Bangs. Surprisingly, Johan Holmqvist didn’t make the team. Fucker.

Now, on the West side is the fucking Patriots and Colts of the NHL, the Flames and Red Wings. Yanno what? Fuck these douchebags. If I wanted to see Zetterberg, Dat-suck, Iginla, Lindstrom, and Phaneuf all on the ice at once, I’d go to a fucking Flames/Red Wings game. Not even in the NFL do we have this shit. Who the fuck was voting for this shit? Do they even have the internet in Alberta? Seriously. Who voted for these assholes?

And fucking Luongo between the pipes? He’s sucked all year. Trust me…he’s on my goddamn fantasy team. And how in the blue hell did Joe Sakic make the cut? He has 22 points this year. Twenty-two. Hillary got more votes in Iowa than Sakic has points. That should tell you something.

Jeez, I feel sorry for the fans in…where is the All-Star game?

Nevermind. Fuck those guys too.



  1. Is that a subliminal advertisement for the Atlantic Coast Conference?

    Duke sucks.

  2. You down with ACC? (Yeah you know me)


  3. Any chance to say Fuck You, Red Wings should be taken and maximized to its fullest potential. So: Fuck You, Red Wings.

  4. I agree: Fuck You Red Wings!

    Go get your straw Draper.

  5. Y’eouch! Jealous much, Heather?

    I don’t get the anger at the Wings. They draft last every year, find gems like the aforementioned all-stars in the 3rd, 6th and 7th rounds, and like this is some kind of Patriots, Yankees, unfair advantage or something? How about solid management and wicked smaht scouting? And they don’t put thugs on the ice like Philly, Anaheim or Colorado. They seem like a team people would be proud of.

  6. Someone needs to get me a small violen for this kid. Red wings are sweet. :) I’d buy that flames redwings ticket.

  7. Yes, Billy, you seem like the kind of guy who would appreciate red wings.

  8. Hey-o!!

    I’m sure he would “capitalize” on that opportunity, if you catch my drift.

    By the way, is a violen some sort of irrational stringed instrument?

  9. Violen on TV is ruining our children.

  10. you are a stupid mother fucker. those were and are the best talent in the nhl. sakic is an amazing hockey player. an all-star game consists of the best players in the leage dumb shit. who fucking cares if so many from one team made it? they are the very best and each and everyone deserved to be there. why dont you pull your head out of your ass and stop fucking crying about who the best players are. Get to know a little about hockey before you talk it retard. Why dont you just tell us how you couldve made the game better? tell me who would you have on the roster?

  11. Fuck the Red Wings, Go Blues!!

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