A Token Glance Out West: We Are NOT All Canucks

Precision cartography There is a definite East Coast bias in the MYFO writers lineup. Or possibly a Midwestern bias. But since the westernmost of us is barely a few clicks west of the Mississippi, there hasn’t been a whole lot of focus on those strange hockey teams that play most of their games very late at night. Today, for one day (or a few hours at least), that goes by the wayside. Squarely in the spotlight for your enjoyment today…the Vancouver Canucks.


The Canucks’ tag line this season (hell, they may have been using it for a decade for all I know) is “We Are All Canucks.” From the players’ standpoint, it would indeed be strange (and very confusing) if Danrik Sedin suddenly donned a Sharks sweater during a game. It is probably a good thing that they are all Canucks.

But as a marketing slogan, “We Are All Canucks” is just the tip of a very ugly iceberg. As the lone NHL team in Sasquatch Territory (see map), the Canucks are alienating the portion of their fanbase that doesn’t live within the territorial confines of Canuckistan.

Surely, among the coffee-addled flannel-wearing aerospace workers and tech geeks that populate Seattle are some hockey fans, perhaps even dozens of them. Where are these people going to turn when their nearest NHL team reminds them, over and over, that they are not wanted? “Sorry, we are all Canucks here. Go home, and take your worthless dollars with you. Also, take a shower, you damn hippie.”

The Canucks also express their hatred of the city a couple of hours to their south with their logo, a breaching killer whale. Not a cute Shamu, mind you, but an angry, fish-gobbling Orca. That’s sure to win the hearts of all those Seattle-based fisherfolk. It’s not enough for the Canucks to be merely xenophobic; they want to steal Seattlites’ livelihood, too.

As if those weren’t enough to drive every last one of any Northwestern Americans who might want to root for Vancouver’s NHL team (I won’t use their proper name any more, out of solidarity for my disrespected countrymen), that team has poached the colors of the mighty Seattle Seahawks for its own purposes.

True, the Vancouver NHL team debuted in 1970 with a green-and-blue logo that appears to have been designed by a bored sixth grader, or a low-bidding graphic designer on a tight deadline:

van70.png

See, it looks like a rink! With a hockey stick! But, beginning in 1978 the Vancouver NHL team went to a black-yellow-red color combo that persisted for nearly 20 years. Red remained a part of the logo until the launch of the Rbk Edge sweaters this season. The Seahawks, meanwhile, have been blue-and-green based since their inception. The Vancouver NHL team may as well just spit in the faces of Steve Largent and Dave Kreig.

This would be like the Blue Jackets switching to an orange-and-brown sweater, and then launching a “Cleveland sucks, and everyone in Cleveland is overweight and unemployed. Also, Bernie Kosar is gay” marketing campaign. Maybe it’s true, but it doesn’t exactly inspire any Clevelanders to spend a weekend (or, a couple of days during the week, since they aren’t working anyway) in Columbus centered around a Jackets game.

The Vancouver NHL team does currently sell out its games. But when that loonie declines again (and it will, my friends–President Obama ain’t gonna stand for any of this falling-dollar nonsense) and they are looking for rich American tourists to fill some seats, you can bet those Seattle hockey fans will have long memories.

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3 Comments

  1. No worries. There are 427 Starbucks in and around GM Place. Lotus landers could dig up the dessicated corpse of Arthur Denny himself and use it as a pinata, and those pinko hippies would still come by the thousands for their hockey and caffeinated heroine fix.

    And if all else fails, they can always cut off the supply of BC bud.

  2. The West is the best
    The West is the best
    Get here and we’ll do the rest

    And those Socialists better not cut off the supply of BC bud to the States.

  3. This would be like the Blue Jackets switching to an orange-and-brown sweater, and then launching a “Cleveland sucks, and everyone in Cleveland is overweight and unemployed. Also, Bernie Kosar is gay” marketing campaign.

    That would be awsome, and I don’t even care about Cleveland!


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