Doc: Garth Snow has just plowed by the doormen and is entering the basement! What kind of malevolence is he bringing!?
Edzo: I don’t know, Doc, but from the depth of his crew, he appears to mean business.
Doc: Trailing Snow are Rick DiPietro, Mike Comrie, Bruno Gervais, Bill Guerin and Mike Bossy! Comrie and Hilary Duff cut through the right side, knocking over the vomiting Scott Sallavechia. Bossy crashes towards Brodeur on the left wing side, while Guerin attacks from the center. DiPietro and Gervais have blocked off the stairs.
Edzo: This doesn’t look good, Doc. I wish I had my Polish buddies from the South Side with us right now. Krzyzstof and Wieslaw would’ve destroyed the entire city of Chicago if they knew which direction north was.
Doc: The music has stopped. The guests remain frightened. Garth is approaching Marty with a determined eye. The two goaltenders are standing face-to-face, frozen in mutual attention! What will be the outcome? Will the cops arrive to deliver hundreds of underage drinking tickets?
Edzo: They’re not moving, Doc. I feel like I’m watching a game at the Rock. Oh shit, Doc, look out!
Doc: Three girls have bumped into Snow and Brodeur! Snow is glaring at them with evil intentions!
Edzo: Wait! No he’s not!
Doc: Oh my goodness!!!! Snow has convinced two of the girls to suck each other like Patrick Stefan’s career! They’re sucking on each other’s lips as if their saliva were Robitussin! SNOW SCORES!!!!
Edzo: That’s magnificent play by Snow, Doc. On the replay, you see the three girls bump into the goalies. Stop it right here! Watch as Snow’s intensity decreases and he relaxes. He knows these girls won’t make out for an enraged psychopath. So he calms down, smiles, and shows them a dollar. The rest is just nature: girls see the money, look deeply into each other’s eyes, and suck until the skin comes off the lips!
Doc: What a magnificent turnaround for this party! I thought the Devils and Isles were going to reenact Superbad. Now Bossy is chatting with Daneyko, Gervais and Oduya are bonging Natty Light, and Snow and Brodeur are committing matching triple-minors! Well, that’s all for us. For Chico Resch and Ed Olczyk, I’m Doc Emrick. Good night from New Jersey!
Assist to Deadspin for the second picture