NHL: Work 4 Days and Win Employee of the Month!

2948161.jpgThe news of Scott Niedermayer’s addition to the Western Conference All-Stars may come as a welcome surprise for Ducks fans, but it has many players throughout the NHL puzzled, and honestly, a tad annoyed.  Let’s go around the league and gauge the reaction to Grizzly Adams’ weekend plans, MYFO style.

PHILADELPHIAHaving also played in just 17 games this NHL season, Flyers wing Simon Gagne now feels justified in his snubbing.  “Look at the stats, man.  In 17 games, I had 15 points, and Niedermayer only had 11.  That makes me more than qualified to play in the Game.”  When reporters mentioned that the reason that Niedermayer had only played in so few games was on account of being retired, Gagne paused and replied, “Ok fine.  When I took that shot to the head back in Pittsburgh in November, I told team officials I was retiring.  After all, I’m not getting any younger, and I can’t imagine not being around to play Rockband with my friends.  But now I’m back, baby!  That’s right – starting with that Ranger game two weeks ago, I’ve decided to give it one more chance.  I’m scoring more than a point a game since.  When does my flight for Atlanta leave?

DETROIT – Add defensemen Brian Rafalski to list annoyed by Get Off My Lawn’s selection.  “Have you looked at the stats?  Among all defensemen, I’M SECOND in scoring.  Frankly, I was shocked when my 42 points got passed over in favor of Pronger (35), Jovocop (33), and Duncan Keith (17???)  I would be more understanding if the league wanted a rep from every team to help explain it, but then why didn’t they pick another guy from Colorado when Paul Stastny got hurt?  This sucks.  When I’m retired and attending all those Devils Stanley Cup Alumni Functions, I’m not going to shake Nieds’ hands.  You know, assuming he doesn’t develop Alzheimer’s in the next five years.”

TEEMU SELANNE’S HOUSE – (looks at Ducks’ schedule for rest of week)  “Hell, maybe if I play tomorrow night and score like 6 goals, maybe I can be an All-Star.  (looks at opponent for tomorrow, sees the game is against the Kings)  Yeah.  No problem.


ATLANTA – While most of his teammates get to leave Atlanta this weekend for a welcome break in the schedule, winger Ilya Kovalchuk is stuck playing in some crappy exhibition.  And since the “devastating injury” excuse has already been used by Hockey Jesus (nobody likes a false idol, Ilya), Kovalchuk has taken it upon himself to try and get suspended in time for the fame.  This is why Chris Simon never gets picked.

1 Comment

  1. Teemu then went back to eating his waffles and sausage. Holy crap, that sounds good….

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