Who Gave Tyler Kennedy Mono?

Starting today, MYFO will begin a steady ramp-up to the NHL’s All-Star weekend. We have a bunch of posts planned to get you psyched for a game that will not be featuring Hockey Jesus. Stick around today, tomorrow, and throughout the weekend. We’ve got some neat stuff in store for you.

Tyler Kennedy was selected to the NHL’s YoungStars team this season. In his first season with the Pittsburgh Penguins, he has 12 points in 31 games. Not horrible, especially when everyone is focused on Sidney and his disciples.

One problem….Tyler Kennedy has mono. He won’t be able to play this weekend.

….wait, what? Mono? The Kissing Disease? How the hell does a pro hockey player get a disease that you get in high school? Yanno what? Excuse me a moment….HAW HAW!!!

Okay. I’m back now. Join me after the jump as we take bets on who gave Tyler Kennedy Mono.

Jarkko Ruutu 8/1: Never trust the Swedes. No, I’m serious. The Swedish will ruin your life any chance they get. They’re like carnies.

Oh, he’s Finnish? Well, fuck them too. Ruutu has been a pest every since he was a kid in the Finnish leagues, and it continued to his career with the Canucks. Who’s to say Ruutu didn’t graduate from annoying pest to card-carrying infectious disease carrier?

Random Skank in Sault St. Marie 3/1: I’ve known people who lived in The Sault (pronounced, “The Sioux”). They were all skanks. Horrible skanks. And, of course, where is Tyler Kennedy from? You guessed it! The Sault! So he went home for the holidays, made out with a couple cum dumpsters, and now look where he is.

Be glad mono is the only transmittable disease you caught, Tyler. But…they are lovely, aren’t they?

Hockey JesusHockey Jesus 1/2: Can you blame our Lord & Savior? He’s got an ankle sprain. He’s hanging around the locker room while everyone else practices. He’s going to be getting people sick for shits and giggles. Jordan Staal will come down with the Ebola Virus this time next week.

Credit to the incredibly talented I Party With Smoot for this logo.

Join in the comments with your own theories. Just remember…the only difference between herpes and mono is you get mono from snatching a kiss.

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8 Comments

  1. I swear I saw Jarkko at Ikea Monday. No wonder my Allen wrenches suck.

  2. The better question is, how could one of my boys, David Clarkson, possibly be considered a “young star” in Tyler’s place?

    Now, I love the new #23, but “star”? Come on.

  3. the only difference between herpes and mono is you get mono from snatching a kiss.

    that’s awesome. I don’t think it’s Hockey Jesus–if he were like Jesus he could touch him and cure him, right? Or odes that only work with leprosy?

  4. According to Wiki it’s also called Pfieffer’s Disease. Did he watch Batman?

    Those are no lezzies, more like slack jawed junk sluts.

  5. Since the guy looks like he’s still in high school it’s not that surprising that he got mono. He probably still trolls the mall for high school tail.

  6. while having him out will hurt the already depleted lineup, the fact that he wont be able to run a train on local coeds with talbot for a few weeks and will thusly transform into a genius is comforting

    nucleousis?

  7. Hey not all Sault girls are Sluts just the random few .. i take that personally when you say Sault girls are skanks not all of us are.

  8. All of them are. Without exception. Sorry to be the one to break that to you. All complaints can be directed to the e-mail address in the top left corner.


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