Welcome Back! (Bridesmaid Edition)

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Welcome to the newest almost-ready-to-be-retired feature on MYFO: Welcome Back! We know there’s a lot of fans of football teams that have nothing to pay attention to anymore. Knowing that, they’re turning to other sports. We’re happy to help. Every time a football team’s season ends, we’ll welcome those fans back to the fold by giving them an update as to what that city’s team has been up to this year.

Ok, Patridiots. Maybe we were going about this all wrong.

Who thought that the way to a guaranteed championship requires a perfect regular season?  All that does is expend your team at a time when it matters little, whilst upsetting a bunch of cranky old men in South Florida in the process.  That’s no way to build a fanbase.  You can’t promise George Clinton on your party advertisements, and give people who come the best food and beer there is, only to have to announce to a drunken, rowdy crowd that George Clinton isn’t coming.  What?  That’s how the ’72 Dolphins did it?   That’s nice.  The oldest player on the Bruins, Glen Murray, was still in the womb when Miami won that Super Bowl.  Perfection is not a way to go through life, son.

And the Bruins know this.

YOUR Boston Bruins are trying a different approach then to the Patriot failure in nearby Foxboro.  They’ve lost nearly half their games, and they are still in the playoff picture.  In fact, they are the only reason the entire Atlantic Division isn’t in the Top 8 in the Eastern Conference (suck it, Isles.)  The Bruins want you to know that home ice advantage in the playoffs is wildly overrated.  They’re going to shock the world.

They are led on the blueline by the mighty ZENDO Chara.  Chara is 6’9″ in stature, and his off-season training regimen saw him rescue 134 kitties out of trees in the greater Boston area.  Marc Savard now has a game-winning All-Star game goal to his credit and a look of forlorn as Staal was given HIS Dodge SUV.  Patrice Bergeron is still a little pissed that Philly hasn’t been demoted to the AHL, and goalie Tim Thomas is averaging 13 points and 11 boards a game.

Of course, it would be nice to avoid Ottawa in the first round, as they have gone 1-3 on the year.  Of course that means just passing the 7th team in the standings.  How hard can that be?

(glances upwards)

I hate New York.

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5 Comments

  1. Watching Ottawa curb stomping the Bruins would be totally awesome. And I’m a Leafs fan

  2. his off-season training regimen saw him rescue 134 kitties out of trees in the greater Boston area

    What’s your source for this statistic?

  3. 3 games in hand, 1 to pass them, not worried

  4. Y’know, you guys never *did* do a Wild “Welcome Back” for Cheeseheads. And winter is a long, long season up there….

    Or do Minnesota and Wisconsin just hate each other that much?

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