Edmonton Gets New Ownership; ‘Free Insulin’ Promotion Announced


The Edmonton Oilers are hoping that a new locally based owner will lead them back to the glory days. Unfortunately, Darryl Katz did not make his money in the human cloning business, so the return to glory will not be based on the actual return of Gretzky, Messier, Lowe, Coffey, Kurri and Fuhr.

Reportedly, Katz, whose Katz Group also owns the Edmonton-based chain of Rexall pharmacies, outbid his competitor, actor/takeover maven Wilford Brimley. Brimley’s offer to the imaginatively named Edmonton Investors Group reportedly consisted of “a lifetime supply of diabeetus testing supplies.” Continue reading


Ovie’s Blood is Banned in 35 States


COLON BUS BLEW JACKETS? When I tookz that stuff, I blews a kilo of Froot Rollups! Saw the birdies and carpets that I cutted out! Pigeons covered in doody! That called irony!

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Eight Helpings of Diaretics


Paul Maurice: Oh fuck, my stomach hurts.

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Random Internet Blog Trade Rumors: Emery Boards

fair_trade.gifRay Emery is crazy. Cray-zee, baby. Word around the rinks is that he has been hitting the donuts hard–when he does show up for practice, there’s powdered sugar all over his sweater. He’s lost the support of many Ottawa fans, if the estimable Senators Lost Cojones is any indication. The coach won’t play him if he loses, his teammates can’t be happy with his practice-missing antics; he may even want out himself. So Ray is prime trade bait, even if he does come with lots of baggage and a hefty contract. But where should he start apartment-shopping? Continue reading