Eight Helpings of Diaretics


Paul Maurice: Oh fuck, my stomach hurts.

Ohhhh, it feels like tectonic plates are shifting in my tummy. What did I eat last night? Cold pea soup? Right, that Progresso shit. Uses only the finest pig’s feet. What else? Soggy bread, too. The crust on that baguette was too tough for my decalcified chompers. And vanilla pudding for desert.

Wow, I really went crazy last night at dinner. I shouldn’t eat such solid foods from now on. It really hurts my coaching. Only rice gruel and oatmeal from now on.

Oh fuck. My tummy’s bubbling really badly. Where’s my mommy? I need her to give me some Pepto Bismol.

Holy shit, who’s that?


He’s a scary dude. Looks like the guy who shoved my head in the crapper in Windsor. Man, he’s gonna kill me tonight.

Oh god, I’m losing control of my bowels. I can’t hold it in any longer.


Andrew Raycroft: You got it coach!

*Raycroft replaces Toskala*

Maurice: Wait!

Vesa Toskala: Fuckin’ kismet.

Maurice: Aww, shucks.

Assist to Yahoo! for the second photo



  1. it all makes sense now…

  2. I thought that’s how Tucker knew he was supposed to get out on the ice.

  3. My sometimes dyslexia thought that said dianetics. Then I was like “fucking scientology ruins everything.” But then my normal reading abilities returned and it all made sense.

    Also, wtfuck is royal army? Am I supposed to get that?

  4. Georges Saint-Pierre is an MMA fighter who was at the game last night.

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