I REALLY WISH THIS NOOSE WERE MY ARMS

Comment by wittybanter on February 12, 2008 7:35 pm

I think you guys might be the last people in the country to actually care about hockey.

Let’s count the logical flaws, shall we?

1. “I think”

Unnecessary. As if I weren’t sure which one of the 6 billion assholes on this planet wrote this. It wasn’t tatumfor3 or PeteJayHawk. I can see your fucking commenter name, dipshit.

2. The substance of the sentence

The last people in the country? Let’s take a look at our blogroll. Tiny as it may be, I count 9 American hockey blogs.

Let me direct you to a much larger blogroll. Wow! There must be at least (counts fingers, removes socks, counts toes) twenty American hockey blogs out there!

3. The commenter’s name:

In my day (puts on glasses, removes goalie mask), being “witty” meant having a funny opinion that was also well-informed. Perhaps things have changed in the past 2 years, because I’ve found “No one cares about hockey” as funny as “The NBA is full of thugs” and “Soccer is for pussies”. All three statements are just plain lazy.

With the objective formalities out of the way, I will let my irrational, base side take over.

I will give you an abdominal workout unlike anything Claude Lemieux ever experienced in his travels with Darren McCarty. Oh, I’m sorry, you don’t get that? Look it up. May your sexual partner be Eiffel Towered by Sean Avery and Steve Downie. You waste your limited time on this lame planet by writing one lame sentence that would get you derisive looks from anyone. You think you’re fucking funny? Let’s take a look at your “witty bantering”.

Bryan: Please articulate how you will have less respect for me when the party that I am typically aligned with no longer represents the interests of its members? If the scenario I discussed does in fact happen then how can you still identify yourself with such an elitist establishment?

Anthony: The problem isn’t the party; the problem is the process that has been set up to run elections. That’s were the change needs to be. This has been illustrated time and time again, especially in the last decade that winning delegates, Electoral College votes or whatever is a flawed system. It doesn’t result in a consensus of the majority of voters.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Wow! You guys are really witty! I can see the intellect emanating from the blog! It makes me want to eat Irish children and declare this the best of all possible worlds! Are you guys going to the coffeshop later with the rest of the philosophy club to discuss the war in Iraq? It’s ethically wrong! Here’s 5000 evident reasons why!

FUCK YOU. Stay the fuck away from something you don’t care about. Go talk about Hillary’s suit, Eleanor Clift. You think you can endear yourself to someone else by making a shitty, stupid comment? Who are you blowing, Mitch Albom?

I’ve been locked up 3 times for going psychotic, assholes. I’ll gladly return just to keep you from polluting the internet again. Stay the fuck away.

Update: In my drunken stupor last night, I forgot to add the larger blogroll. How witty of me.

 

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9 Comments

  1. I always assumed witty banter is what dudes did to try and remove the panties.

    Witty banter is now redefined as wanking fuckwits.

  2. The worst part of witty banter is the awkwardness and shame you experience afterwards when you are putting your pants back on.

  3. I enjoy me some hockey. I live in America. DorkySaying is a ToolPud.

  4. Maybe they use “witty” the same way most people use “literally.” You know, like the opposite of what it really means.

    Also, Rask: just stay where you are. I’ve called Doc Henderson and she’s on her way.

  5. It makes me want to eat Irish children and declare this the best of all possible worlds!
    That sounds like a modest proposal to me.

    What I wonder is why this person is reading a blog about hockey when it doesn’t seem like he’s interested in it? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

    @warparoundcurL: Spot. On. I’ll also have to start using fuckwits more often.

  6. I think wittybanter may be the last person in the country to actually suck moose balls.

  7. No he’s not.

    ….wait, what?

  8. Upon rereading, I just realized that Rask made reference to Candide. Which I find to be awesome.

    @domi: oh I have a million more.

  9. I counted at least 21 hockey blogs. I think I should go find my pants soon.


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