Getting Old Sucks

I may as well start with something awesome. It’s only going to get depressing from this point forward.

I was only a wee lad of 7 at Ministry’s apex, so unearthing all of this industrial blasphemious goodness is depressing. Bill Wirtz’s death and the spunky play of the Blackhawks “inspired” Al Jourgensen to write a song about his favorite hockey team.

Sample lyrics:

When you’re a Blackhawk, you skate with pride

So many legends have played for our side

Mikita, Hull, Esposito, Savard

To name a few, that’s why we play so hard

Makes Trent Reznor read like Marcel Proust.

ITunes has the song for $0.99, which, after drinking three glasses of port, still sounds toothless and pandering. Nevertheless, all of the proceeds go to Blackhawks Charities, which is bankrupt after treating Sergei Samsonov’s valium addiction. Martin Havlat’s shoulder isn’t going to reattach itself!

Sickboy’s Unifying Theory of Life. That’s all I have to say regarding the song.



  1. I think he should name his new album either “A Reputation is a Terrible Thing to Waste” or “The Land of Lame and Crummy”.


  2. I think when you consciously set out to ape Gary Glitter, you are 90 percent of the way down the road to Crapville.

    And I always saw Trent Reznor as a sort of latter-day Baudelaire.

  3. Graham, Roenick, Larmer and Manson
    This song is almost as lame as Hanson

  4. And here I was, thinking that Ministry lost their shit when they appeared in the “android snuff circus” scene in A.I.

  5. Drinking port, what a classy gentleman.

    I think my high school fight song was more punk rock than that. And that song has some line about glen and dales. How threatening.

  6. I want to rock, but I don’t want to rock this much. Could we get Dennis DeYoung to cover this? Thanks.

    /dear god don’t

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