MYFO’s Snap Judgments Based Solely on Photographs: Western Conference Coaches

Assumption Poster

People often say how you can tell a lot about a person just by taking a good look at them. Today on MYFO I will put that theory to the test. I randomly selected photos of all the Western Conference coaches and attempted to make a few assumptions about them: their likes, dislikes, character flaws, how they interact with people and so on.

How accurate was I in my presumptions? Probably not very accurate at all but we don’t shoot for accuracy here. Let’s see how I did.

BabcockMike Babcock – Detroit Red Wings:

  • favorite song is “Reminiscing” by the Little River Band
  • always parks his car so it takes up two parking spaces
  • loves doing his Jerry Warner from The Facts of Life impression
  • doesn’t trust Mexicans

TippettDave Tippett – Dallas Stars:

  • uses Grecian Formula
  • doesn’t know how to knot a tie
  • finds the People Magazine crossword puzzle challenging
  • stashes his porn in a box in the attic labeled “Boxing Day Decorations”

 

Jacques_LemaireJacques Lemaire – Minnesota Wild:

  • dreams of one day playing a villain in a James Bond movie
  • deathly afraid of clowns
  • favorite meal is plain white bread with a glass of water
  • farts in public and blames it on his wife

 

 

Ron WilsonRon Wilson – San Jose Sharks:

  • felt Kevin Spacey’s performance in Beyond the Sea was underrated
  • enjoys a thrilling game of Parcheesi every now and then
  • has a profile on a Christian singles website
  • pees sitting down

Randy CarlyleRandy Carlyle – Anaheim Ducks:

  • was nicknamed “Meat” by high school buddies
  • once punched a bartender for putting a lime in his beer
  • refuses to sing “Happy Birthday” song at parties
  • doesn’t “get” the Frasier TV show

KeenanMike Keenan – Calgary Flames:

  • refuses to take the time to sort his recycling
  • does not allow wife to eat bratwurst – or pickles
  • thinks he’s better than everyone else and is not afraid to let people know it
  • won’t take his shoes off at other people’s houses

QuennevilleJoel Quenneville – Colorado Avalanche:

  • refers to his moustache as “The Stalin”
  • doesn’t get the music kids are listening to these days
  • insists his family refer to him as “Coach” or “Big Daddy”
  • in anger management classes for throwing his cell phone at a guy in a movie theater

Barry_TrotzBarry Trotz – Nashville Predators:

  • kids in his neighborhood think he’s “creepy”
  • sleeps in the nude
  • makes plaster casts of his own manhood 
  • enjoys a good enema

Alain_VigneaultAlain Vigneault – Vancouver Canucks:

  • makes off-color jokes at inappropriate times
  • tells people he’s Italian
  • doesn’t understand why Asians believe the term “slopes” is racist
  • can’t figure out what they’re advertising in those Levitra commercials

Wayne_GretzkyWayne Gretzky – Phoenix Coyotes:

  • never knows how to smile when posing for photographs 
  • overuses words like super, dandy,  hunky-dory and yesiree
  • not afraid to cry at weddings
  • wears a jock strap when coaching

Denis_SavardDenis Savard – Chicago Blackhawks:

  • thinks Maynard James Keenan from the band Tool is one helluva good-looking guy
  • suffers from the condition Simple Chronic Halitosis
  • wishes he had bigger shoulders
  • thinks Native Americans are a bunch of crybabies

 

Craig_MacTavishCraig MacTavish – Edmonton Oilers:

  • thinks wearing glasses makes him look more “intemellectual”
  • habitual nail-chewer
  • still believes wearing a helmet is for pussies
  • secretly harbors a Furry fetish

Andy MurrayAndy Murray – St. Louis Blues:

  • always dresses up as the Reverend Henry Kane from Poltergeist II for Halloween
  • has never been photographed smiling
  • cheats on his taxes
  • does a mean karaoke jam of Nelly’s Hot in Herre

Marc CrawfordMarc Crawford – Los Angeles Kings:

  • favorite video game of all-time is Sonic the Hedgehog
  • was once struck by lightning
  • loves the band Crowded House
  • awkwardly tells women that “the carpet matches the drapes”

 

 

 

 

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5 Comments

  1. This has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read. I hope you plan on doing the East too!

  2. MacT: Once killed someone with his car…Oh, wait…

  3. @Owen Heart Fan Club: I originally had “refuses to acknowledge the year 1984 ever happened” for MacTavish but changed it. Now I regret the decision.

  4. The Stalin, YES.

  5. The pic of Gretzky makes him look like he”s up to something, in an “I’ve got you my pretty!! (cackles)” kind of way


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