The Marian Hossa Trade Has Been An Abject Failure For The Penguins


Since acquiring Marian Hossa from the Atlanta Thrashers in a trade on February 26th, the Penguins have won a mere three out of six games. According to my in-depth statistical analysis, that means they have only won 50% of their games and that is not very good. If the point of securing Hossa’s services was to win more games than they lose, I think everyone will agree with me that Marian Hossa has been an utter disappointment for Pittsburgh. The fact that Hossa is merely a rental player for the season only makes the trade appear even worse.

However, there is one bright spot in the mess the Penguins have created for themselves: the stellar play of Pascal Dupuis – the gritty and hard-nosed Canuckistanian winger that was considered an afterthought in the dealings between the Penguins and the Thrashers.

Do you think I’m crazy? That I’m some sort of deranged lunatic? While those accusations may be true, they have nothing to do with my assessment. Let’s go in for a deeper look.

First off, how can you not be in awe of an ape-man that has learned how to skate and play hockey? Check out the mug on this guy:

Pascal Dupuis

The first word that comes to mind is “simian”. Alright, now that I’ve had my fun, it’s time to break down the two players in question – with statistics! Fun!

Pascal Dupuis:

  • 1 Goal
  • 1 Assist
  • 10 shots on goal

 Marian Hossa:

  • 0 Goals
  • 0 Assists
  • 1 shot on goal

And saving the most telling statistic for last, Pascal Dupuis has 6 “GP” while Marian Hossa has only 1 “GP”. I have no idea what “GP” stands for but the fact that Dupuis has six times as many as Hossa tells me that Dupuis is laying it all on the line while Hossa appears to be just along for the ride. C’mon Hossa, do something!

What’s that? “GP” means “Games Played”? And Hossa got injured in his first game with the Pens?


Well, shit. I guess I should have done a little more research before I wrote this.




  1. I remember Dupuis from when he was with the Wild. Good for him that he gets to play with Hockey Jesus. And you’re totally correct about the mug. I was at the game that Hossa was injured in, too…hmmm. Oh well.

  2. I, like most in Atlanta, miss Dupuis. Tell you what we’ll do. Dupuis gets $800,000 a year. We’ll swap you Zhitnik for him. Zhitnik makes $3.5 million so he should be at least 4 times as good as Dupuis, right? Should I get Bettman on the phone?

  3. And what do you guys say now?

  4. wow, was this dude ever wrong. what an idiot. HOSSA!!!!!!!!!

  5. Man you could have been no farther off from the truth if you tried. next time spend some time watching the players and their history of play before trying to put Dupuis over Hossa.

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