False Hope


Paul Maurice: My stomach doesn’t feel as bad as it once did. Weeks of cottage cheese, strained peas, and electrolytes have appeased my poor digestive tract. There’s still a lingering sensation of indigestion hovering around my duodenum. Will I ever fully recover? Ohhh, am I ever going to be rid of this?

Scott Rolen: Hey, that’s my signature play!

Paul Maurice: *Jerks head up* YESSS!!! It’s finally gone! I can’t wait to eat normal food again! I’m gonna have back bacon, scrambled eggs, Froot Loops, Oatmeal Squares, pancakes with real maple syrup, not that fake Vermont shit …

*Second Period Starts*

… with salami, turkey, ham, not that cheap Krakow stuff made from pig’s intestines, I’m talking proscietto di parma, some iceberg lettuce, tomato, dill pickle, mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, a big helping of poutine on the side …

*Third Period Starts*

… roast leg of lamb with mint jelly, twice-baked potatoes, buttered asparagus, and a bottle of 2002 Châteauneuf-du-Pape. For dessert …

*Kyle Wellwood scores*

*Herk* Ohhh, what was that? My indigestion’s back. Where’d it come from?

*Pavel Kubina scores*

Aggggghhhhhhh. Feels like I’m giving birth to Mats Sundin’s Toronto pride. Chocolate mousse …

*Barfs all over shoes*

Alexei Ponikarovsky: Got it coach.

*Scores empty-netter*

Mats Sundin: We can still make the playoffs, coach! All we need is some more determination and grit!

Paul Maurice: That’s all I’m going to eat for the next month. Aw shucks.

Assist to James Mirtle for the vid


1 Comment

  1. real maple syrup, not that fake Vermont shit …

    A-HEM (pulls out VT Identification) I do believe you have the word order wrong. It’s “real maple syrup, not that fake Quebec shit”

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