Every Game Needs a Toskala

What I wouldn’t give to be in an NCAA Bracket pool against Vesa Toskala right now.

Clearly, it hasn’t been the best week for the Maple Leafs’ Finnish netminder.  For reasons unknown, his goaltending attributes drained powerlessly in Nassau the other night, as he became victim to the deadly “haphazard clearing attempt/twisted wrister.”  Former Sharks teammate Rob Davison was credited with a goal, but really, the G should belong to Toskala.  He earned it.

So just when you though Vesa had hit rock-bottom, Gatorade kicked him in the junk.  After the jump.

As you can see from the video above (or from any commercial break during March Madness yesterday), Gatorade has selected Toskala to play the role of “Revolving Door” in their latest spot featuring Hockey Jesus and Carmina Burana.  Thanks to drinking some Gatorade (and of course, the obligatory “sweating orange” right on the damn hockey puck), Crosby is able to beat Toskala over the shoulder, giving the Pens an edge in the shootout.  Now while everyone knows that Pittsburgh’s secret shootout hero is Kris Letang, apparently Gatorade insisted their hockey poster boy have “righteous talents.”  Go figure.

As for Toskala, he got beat, and there’s not a whole lot he can do about it.  Or was there?

Don’t goalies have Gatorade bottles sitting on their own goals?  DUDE!  LOOK BEHIND YOU!  Had Toskala thought about replenishing his electrolyte count rather that posing mask-up for the commercial, perhaps he would been able to stop Crosby and his sports-drinking ways.  Vesa, that was a missed opportunity.  Gatorade couldn’t be closer to your person, and you chose to stand in front of a raucous Steeltown crowd with the game on the line, completely dehydrated.

Oh, one more thing.

SHAME ON YOU, PITTSBURGH.  You had to take Toronto into a shootout at home???  Come on!  If you want to have a chance of winning the Eastern Conference, you’re going to have to put lesser opponents away during regulation.  Conference champions wouldn’t have let this game go to a shootout.  That was weak.

And now, Vesa Toskala’s wife is probably going to leave him for having such a shameful week, and it’s you guys that should shoulder the blame.

Oh, and by the way, we hear Toskala had USC winning it all.



  1. Could have been a penalty shot.

  2. Other than the commercial’s use of a scoreboard at the end of overtime and the actual word “SHOOTOUT,” I’d have to agree with you.

  3. The commercial (for Gatorade I think) where the goalies smack talk each other is just bizarre. I’d pay more to go to hockey game if I knew there would be a greater chance of goalie re enacting 8 Mile and perhaps a throwdown Westside-story style.

    I think whenever something like that happens, you should be able to stab yourself in the stomach with your stick.

  4. I’d pay more to go to hockey game if I knew there would be a greater chance of goalie re enacting 8 Mile and perhaps a throwdown Westside-story style. Awesome! Ryan Miller would take all!–three words: Yo. Momma Ween.

    And goalie seppuku should be just the thing to get people into the stands, no?

  5. @Domi:
    I have brought great dishonor upon this club!
    and stab.

  6. I have brought great dishonour to this site by forgetting how to close a stupid italics tag! and..all my knives are dirty, so no stab

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s