Sheldon Souray Makes a Fine Pie

souraypizzeria.jpgThe Interwebs are possibly mankind’s second-greatest invention (the greatest, obviously, is that shave gel that protects from nicks and cuts). It is a gift that keeps on giving. Without the Interwebs, I probably would never have known that Oilers D-man Sheldon Souray is part-owner of a Montreal pizzeria with Martin Brodeur (pictured, right).

“Well, so what,” you ask. Big fucking deal. “He may be the owner of a successful pizzeria, but how would he fare cooking one?” That’s the exact same question the somber Canadian voiceover guy asked in this unintentionally hilarious video. (Apologies for the lack of imbed, but NHL.tv makes that tougher than my meager tech skills can handle) SPOILER ALERT: Souray does not actually cook the pizzeria. Damn misleading Canadians. But if you want to know how a big-time Montreal restaurateur makes his own personal pie, here are the highlights:

First, the video appears to have been shot in Souray’s own kitchen. Looks nice. He dives right into the dough, sans gloves or handwashing. As someone who loves to cook, let me say, ew. I will grant him a tiny bit of leeway since he’s at home, and a single guy. But Jesus, he’s probably been skating around in staph-infested hockey gloves all morning. Wash those big hairy knuckles, you oaf. Hopefully, Canadian health codes are tougher than that for his restaurant.

Souray, who is listed at 6’4″, 223, has a lot of trouble rolling out the dough. “It’s like a big piece of old chewing gum,” he notes. I’m salivating already. What a salesman. He makes a lame attempt to save that remark with “But I’m sure it will be delicious.” You were never known for being quick on your feet, Shelly.

A suspiciously timed camera cut later, a perfectly round and perfectly flat circle of dough rests on the table. If that’s the same dough he was kneading and tossing, I’ll eat my socks. It even has perfectly spaced little indentations in it. I am absolutely certain that the producer sent his intern to the store after collecting 28 minutes of footage of Souray’s futile attempts.

Now he has to top the pie. Shelly admits to his love for cheese. “This is not a pizza for the lactose intolerant out there.” You read it here first: Sheldon Souray does not like black people. But he does make a tasty-looking pizza.

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3 Comments

  1. Dough + sauce + cheese = pizza. WTF did he just make? Must of been just before a road trip and needed to empty out the fridge. I concur that was a store bought pre-packaged crust after the cut.

  2. only a professional can cut cheese like this

    You want me to pull your finger? It’ll help you cut the cheese: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wc8mHUa5zFE

  3. Brodeur owns a piece of the place too. They tried to bring one here to Jersey, except we hate pizza that sucks here.


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