That’ll Teach You to Leave Your Wallet at Home

socgen

Is there any way we can make them miss the playoffs for this?

According to Canadian publication The Star, The New Jersey Devils are being sued because the French are in the business of throwing their money in the air and optimistically hoping it lands back in the jar.

Here’s a summary of events:

1.  The French Bank mistakenly sent $125k to the Devils in 2006.

2.  The Devils snickered quietly in their best Scrooge McDuck accent, hoping no one would notice.

3.  The French Bank recently noticed the mistake, multiplied by four and sued.

4.  The Devils laughed.  Haughtily.

5.  The French Bank surrendered to somebody.  Probably whilst wearing silly pants.

Unconditional fiduciary cowardice or not, we’ve still got some accounts to reconcile.  The Devils were given free money thanks to some francostupidity.  After the jump, MYFO will play judge and make a ruling.  (Whereby the MYFO lawyer triumvirate will likely mock my ruling.)

The Transfer

According to the French bank (which I could name here, sure, but I don’t feel like looking through the character map for all the damn accented vowel shortcuts), the money is theirs, no matter how careless they were.  However, the Devils have effectively found a one-hundred-twenty-five-thousand dollar bill on the sidewalk.  What would you do, MYFO Nation?  Sure, look around and see if anyone is frantically searching for money on the ground – if they had lost that chunk of change knowingly, you better believe they’d be looking.  However, from the facts of the case, it appears that the French Bank were on no such hands and knees.  I suppose Colin White or Brian Gionta could have quietly asked in their best whisper, “Hey, excuse me, is anyone missing over 100 grand?”  When no one responds, it’s finder’s keepers time, Frenchies.

The Use

What the Devils do with this money?  Not sure – I don’t have access to their financial records…yet.  But I can tell you some of the things they did not do – re-sign Scott Gomez, keep local boy Jim Dowd, prevent Rafalski from moving to Detroit.  But hey, I’m sure there’s a very nice gourmet pretzel kiosk in the club level concourse of the Prudential Center that a certain Paris-based financial institution can take credit for.

The Ruling

When the Philadelphia Eagles accidentally paid too much money to Brian Westbrook, a judge ruled that Westbrook had to return the money.  Using this as legal precedent, we find that the New Jersey Devils should probably fork over the cash.  But not with the 400% interest rate that the French Bank is demanding.  You guys relinquish the right to that money by being retarded.  Actually, scratch that.  You don’t deserve a cent of this. 

Alternate sentence: The New Jersey Devils Hockey Club does not owe any of the money to the French Bank, but instead, should be required to help the French Bank in the running of their business for a reasonable duration of time.  After all, when you go to a restaurant and can’t pay, they make you do dishes.  And when that restaurant is a bank, you do remedial bank shit jobs.  Some ideas:

Patrik Elias has to make sure all the pens chained to the tables are in their holders at all time.

  • Jay Pandolfo has to sit in the tiny room behind the ATM and make the ATM beeping noises.
  • Zach Parise replaces the automated coin counting machine.  (I would have picked Johnny Oduya, but I’m not sure he can count past twelve.

Additional suggestions?  In the comments, with ye.  Court is adjourned.

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6 Comments

  1. Seems like a job for team Ambassador Scott Stevens. Maybe he could team up with Claude Lemieux to work on their diplomatic skills. And if they need a translator in the negotiations, I hear Esa Tikanen is looking for work…

  2. This appears to fall clearly under the precedent of the venerable case of Finders v. Keepers.

  3. If only this was as cool as Blank Check. It would have Tone Loc and the guy from the Ditech.com commercials.

    Someone bought a waterslide for their house. I know it.

  4. Brent Sutter must avail himself to the Branch Manager’s office, whereupon he will be fired five minutes before quitting time.

    I guess that explains where Big Lou got the money for his third chin.

  5. Well, those house parties at Marty Brodeur’s don’t supply themselves with booze….I mena, club drugs don’t grow on trees.

    @Frank Costello: the presence of Esa Tikanen would ensure the devils to say “HERE! take what you want just get him out of here! “

  6. проворно антимаулнетизм антимаулнетизм славу


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