TWW: Hey! Everyone! Check Out Our Kick-Ass Brackets!

Safety BracketThe NCAA Men’s Hockey Tournament season is upon us once again. I know it is hard to remain composed, but please try to control your excitement. In all seriousness, if any of you out there are able to catch any of the games, be sure to check them out. In a way, college hockey is what NHL hockey should aspire to be, with the larger ice sheets, unbridled enthusiasm and cockeyed optimism, which if he were a real person, Billy Mumphrey would just have to wholeheartedly endorse. After the jump, check out our picks in MYFO’s First Ever Inaugural Annual Original NCAA Division I Men’s Hockey P(h)uck-Off Memorial Presented by Bellsouth*

* not actually presented by Bellsouth

  • Hextall454’s Bracket: In all honesty, I picked my bracket base on this guy’s RPI. Did you know the worst hockey team of all time is Alabama-Huntsville? I find this shocking, what with all the puck Gary Bettman has infused into the South? Anyway, I went strictly by rankings, with the lone exception of picking Clarkson to knock off St. Cloud State. You see, when I was 12, my cousin gave me a Clarkson hockey jersey for Christmas one year (he went there.) I wore it to every game of neighborhood roller hockey, while other kids were showing off their new NHL sweaters featuring the latest expansion team. (Teal? Really, San Jose? Way to negate the ferocity of your mascot.) For me, that’s just cause for a 1st round upset in a bracket I know nothing about. If I wore that jersey today, people would call me an American Idol freak. My how the times, they have changed.
  • Reasonable Doubt’s Bracket: The Sean Avery Memorial Cock Knocker Tournament is going to be won the Mighty Michigan Wolverines. Big Ten, Fuck-os!!!

We now turn to our resident NCAA hockey expert, LeNoceur (despite his claims to the contrary), for his in-depth breakdown of the upcoming tournament, along with his reasoning as to how he came to select his bracket. Take it away, LeNoc.

Well, since I don’t have a local NCAA hockey team to follow, I’m not really up on the ins and out of the whole thing. So my bracket will be decided in a classic Mascot Battle.

Clarkson Golden Knights v. St. Cloud State Huskies: The Knights’ shiny armor protects them from doggie bites. Pick: Clarkson

Niagara Purple Eagles v. Michigan Wolverines.Are Purple Eagles tougher than regular eagles? Tough call, but I have to go with the team with an adamantium endoskeleton. Pick: Michigan.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish v. New Hampshire Wildcats. If this game were earlier, I’d give the Irish a chance. But by 6:30 p.m. they’ll be incurably shitfaced. Pick: New Hampshire.

Michigan State Spartans v. Colorado College Tigers. Not even close. 300 Spartans beat the whole fucking Persian Army. Pick: Michigan State.

Princeton Tigers v. North Dakota Fighting Sioux.Unless the Tigers show up with smallpox-infested blankets, this will be a wipeout. Pick: North Dakota.

Wisconsin Badgers v. Denver Pioneers. Pioneers were tough people. But they can’t compete with an Angry Badger. Pick: Wisconsin.

Air Force Falcons v. Miami of Ohio Redhawks.This was going to be too close to call, until I realized that Miami had to be referring to the Ruger Redhawk. Pick: Miami

Minnesota Golden Gophers v. Boston College Eagles.According to Wikipedia, eagles find gophers to be a tasty snack. Pick: Boston College.

EAST REGIONAL FINAL

Clarkson Golden Knights v. Michigan Wolverines. Mutant healing powers allow Michigan to win in OT. Pick: Michigan

WEST REGIONAL FINAL

New Hampshire Wildcats v. Michigan State Spartans. Wildcats are smaller than Tigers, who were no match for Spartans. Pick: Michigan State

MIDWEST REGIONAL FINAL

North Dakota Fighting Sioux v. Wisconsin Badgers. Those badger fur-lined capes and boots will keep the Sioux warm during winters on the Plains. Pick: North Dakota

NORTHEAST REGIONAL FINAL

Miamiof Ohio Redhawks v. Boston College Eagles. Again, even the largest bird of prey is no match for a .44 magnum. It’ll blow their heads clean off. Pick: Miami

FROZEN FOUR

Miami of Ohio Redhawks v. North Dakota Fighting Sioux.The Redhawks will do some damage, but I foresee another Little Big Horn. Pick: North Dakota

Michigan Wolverines v. Michigan State Spartans. Clever Spartans kidnap Jane Grey, creating just enough of a distraction. Pick: Michigan State

FINAL

North Dakota Fighting Sioux v. Michigan State Spartans.Two proud warrior cultures collide in a dream matchup. The edge has to go to the Sioux for superior horsemanship and access to modern weaponry. Even the best spearman has no chance against a Springfield rifle. Pick: North Dakota, 4-2.

So there you have it, loyal MYFO readers. We appreciate everyone who submitted a bracket. Stay tuned throughout the weekend and into next week for updates on the standings, prize information, etc. Enjoy the games.

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12 Comments

  1. That’s how I tend to pick teams: who would win in a mascot fight. Mascots need better stats though.

  2. also working against St. Cloud–that’s one wussy-ass name for a saint. I imagine something made of a cotton candy type substance

  3. That kid…is on the dresser again!

    /mallratted

  4. Hmmm…My bracket is surprisingly similar to mascot fight bracket, I think. Huh. I swear it wasn’t supposed to go down like that.

  5. @ Loser Domi: Unless it’s a Cloud of Zyklon-B or something. But that’s not very saintly.

  6. Enjoy the games.

    I’m actually supposed to watch this? I thought it was just for gambling purposes.

  7. You see, LeNoceur was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist,
    who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.

  8. I’m going to Niagara University for college.

    …Damn, they got destroyed tonight.

  9. Fuck Clarkson….OK I’ll admit it, I’m a Husky (94). I’m sure the whole campus is in mourning tonight.

  10. Also, the dork in me must say it’s Jean Grey not Jane.

    I shall show my geekery out.

  11. When I grow up, I wanna go to Bovine University!

  12. @ wraparoundcurl: Of course. I got my comics geekery all mixed up with my history geekery.


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