See You On The Fairway: NorthAtlantic Edition

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs.  Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude.  We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.

First up, Hextall454 with the Northeast and Atlantic tee times.

NEW YORK ISLANDERS

What happened?  Growing up, you had four buddies that lived in your neighborhood.  The five of you did everything together.  As a group, you were viewed by others as a strong group of friends – a group that you wouldn’t mess with if you had the option.  Throughout your schooling years, you all took turns impressing the world – whether it be in the classroom or in sports – but it never became a situation where one was a clear-cut leader and the other four of you followed.  You were a well-rounded quintet.  So what happens when your four best friends all get into to State University and you somehow get waitlisted?  Ask the New York Islanders.  As the only team from the Atlantic to not be playoff-bound, they’ll be glad to tell you what it’s like to balance their job at Radio Shack with their community college courses at night.

Their Year in MYFO: Despite the mediocrity, we took aim at the Fishermen on several occasions.  Mike Sillinger continued his unbelievable streak of being capable enough to put on hockey skates, and then miraculously managed to not get traded.    Chris Simon won our Goon of the Week honor, which raised his profile enough to get the Wild interested.  The Isles also tried to sucker you on the Ebays and GM Garth Snow crashed the Marty Brodeur House Party.  And of course, Rick DiPietro phoned it in…again.

The Silver Lining: Goaltending Stability.  12 more years of Ricky D in net.  Oh, and contrary to Internet reports, Sir Hotbod Handsomeface didn’t die from a Brendan Witt skate blade.

BUFFALO SABRES

What happened?  The Presidents Trophy was way too heavy for the Buffalo Sabres.  Why can’t they make those things out of space-age materials?  Yeah, that’s it.  If the NHL can hire NASA to re-engineer the hardware we hand out to the best teams and players at the end of the year, then there’d be a hell of a lot less trophy fatigue.  Good teams could manage to go into their next season rested AND rewarded.  Instead, the Sabres just weren’t prepared to hoist that damn hood ornament the whole off-season.  With the departures of Danny Briere and Chris Drury, that was two less people to take a shift with the trophy.  And once Brian Campbell was sent to San Jose in exchange for a stand they could rest the Presidents’ on, it was too late. 

Their Year in MYFO: Contrary to popular belief, the AMP Winter Classic was not a game between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Pittsburgh Penguins.  Buffalo was there, too, and have the inflated attendance figures to prove it!  Toni Lydman loved himself some video games, and mascot Sabretooth arranged a date with Chris Hanson.

The Silver Lining: Thomas Vanek scored 36 goals, so matching Edmonton’s dickish offer wasn’t completely ridiculous.  Plus, Ryan Miller will continue to drink Amp and dish out Yo Momma jokes.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

What happened?  We’ve got some good news, and we’ve got some bad news.  The good: Franchise Face Mats Sundin continued his dominant play in 07-08, registering 78 points, leading the team in both goals and assists.  And while we’re at it, let’s mention his +17, pretty remarkable on a substandard Leaf team.  The bad: Mats Sundin is still a Toronto Maple Leaf.  While his allegiance to his Blue and White is admirable, it may have prevented Toronto from beginning a much-needed rebuilding phase.  John Ferguson Jr. was relieved of his duties, but he looks smashing sitting in on the NHL Network’s weird V-desk at On the Fly: Final.

Oh, and Jason Blake didn’t die.  That’s good, too. 

Their Year in MYFO:  Obviously, Sundin proves he’s no quitter, but he’s also no soccer expert.  Vesa Toskala also became a MYFO favorite, what with his views towards J-Blake or his Shanoffian Worst Week Ever.  Speaking of superlatives, John Ferguson Jr could use some work.

The Silver Lining: Um.  Go Argos?

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2 Comments

  1. Oh, and contrary to Internet reports, Sir Hotbod Handsomeface didn’t die from a Brendan Witt skate blade

    Nope. It was a Head Asplosion directly attributed to Witt’s overrated “defensive” play.

  2. Vesa Toskala and his Mickey Mouse shirt are awesome


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