See You on the Fairway: Northwest Edition

Contrary to popular belief, not everybody in the NHL makes the playoffs.  Try as they may, 14 teams ended their hockey-related obligations this weekend after a long, hard year of sucktitude.  We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course starting today.

Next up, Weed Against Speed with the Northwest tee times.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

What happened? Blame Canada. Utilizing a little-known rule whereby only one team from Canuckistan is allowed in the Western Conference playoffs, Gary Bettman once again flashed his double middle finger salute to our friends in the Great White North. Calgary got in, Vancouver, one of the two other Canuckistanian teams, was out.

As entertaining as that conspiracy theory would be, unfortunately, it was Vancouver’s horrible play down the stretch that buried them, leaving them on the outside looking in at the playoffs. Dropping seven of your last ten games is not the way to achieve Playoff Nirvana, young grasshoppers. Try a little harder next year and next time, tell Roberto Luongo’s wife not to be so selfish. The nerve of some women, I tell ya.

Their year on MYFO: We finally learned the answer to the question “Who Are The Ad Wizards Who Came Up With This Campaign?” And the answer was the folks within the Canucks organization who came up with the “We Are All Canucks” slogan. Way to alienate any Americans in your fanbase, you half-wits – if there were any. We also discovered that Marc Crawford was one serious businessman during his time with the Canucks, which only confused Todd Bertuzzi. Finally, we discovered that as a member of the Vancouver Canucks, you don’t have to be considered a goon to behave with goon-like tendencies.

The Silver Lining: The Sedin twins will finally have the time to commit all their attention to their musical: a stage production of The Parent Trap. Sweet.

EDMONTON OILERS

What happened?  Despite a valiant effort where they went 13-4-1 to finish off the season, it simply wasn’t enough to overcome the hole the Oilers dug for themselves with their lackluster play leading up to the stretch run. Rotating goaltenders Mathieu Garon (26-18-1) and old-timer Duane Roloson (15-17-5) probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but Roloson couldn’t answer the bell like he did in the 2006 playoffs, when he led the Oilers to the Stanley Cup Finals before going down in Game 1 against the Hurricanes with an injury.  Here’s a tip: go with Garon next year. That piece of advice was free – anything beyond that is going to cost them. (E-mail me!)

Their year on MYFO: All was relatively quiet on the Western Front when it came to the Oilers this season on MYFO. You can try and blame it on the dreaded East Coast Bias, but methinks the lack of any stories where dick jokes could be easily incorporated probably had more to do with it than anything else. Nevertheless, MYFO did cover the Oilers new ownership as well as what Andrew Cogliano did in college to make ends meet.

The Silver Lining: Youth, baby, and lots of it. The Oilers should be a much improved squad next year and this season’s results was more about the growing pains of a very young and very talented roster. The Oilers are so young (how young are they?), they are planning their end-of-the season party not at a hip nightclub, but at Sheldon Souray’s new pizza joint. Tokens for everyone!

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2 Comments

  1. Also, Vancouver could consider maybe perhaps having a back up goalie that is not Sanford.

    Lindsay Lohan on a four day coke bender in heels would make a better goalie.

  2. Gary Bettman once again flashed his double middle finger salute to our friends in the Great White North.

    Ahh, the double deuce. Although confusing Todd Bertuzzi was priceless.


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